CURIOUS INDEX, 3/31/08

by Orson on Mar 31, 2008 9:03 AM EDT

Bout this U, lawya. In lieu of footage of Miami's spring game--which attracted all 11,000 Miami football fans at once--we presents still photos set to Miami thump. Windows Movie Maker meets the Dunk Ryders, what!

In terms of actual news, Patrick Nix, offensive coordinator to the stars (Reggie STAR Ball), is still seeking to craft an offense that breaks the vaunted fifty percent completion mark in Miami. Miami football: like Mississippi State, but with sparkles and palm trees! Speaking of...

No offense, no problem. Mississippi State's defense had a crowbar party on the quarterbacks in the Bulldogs' spring game. From the Wiz:

Mississippi State: There are questions about the offense after a spring game that featured five interceptions, a boatload of overthrown passes and a 6-0 score.

No, that sounds about right, actually. 8-5 on the way on a rail, baby! The score on the game going into overtime? 0-0.

Mississippi State demonstrates its best offensive play: prone.

More players may be involved in the shooting incident at Miss. State last week, btw.

David Holbert, Tennessee fullback, suffered an apocalyptic knee injury during the Vols' first scrimmage of the spring. The description may make your turkey bacon fly retrograde from your stomach, so go forward with caution:

It occurred when Holbert was attempting to catch a pass out of the backfield. Linebacker Rico McCoy leveled a clean hit on Holbert, who went to the turf awkwardly.

The portion of Holbert's leg below the knee bent completely forward the opposite of the normal motion producing a gut-wrenching sight.

"All I'm allowed to say is it's a knee injury," UT Coach Phillip Fulmer said.

That's "a knee injury," as opposed to "holy hell, we're gonna have to put this guy on medical redshirt for the next nine years." Other than the maiming of a fullback and all, Tennessee's first scrimmage seemed to go just fine.

Foswhitt! My autogyro, please! Focus on the outstanding performance of Will "Boom, Motherfucker!" Muschamp's defense and the ongoing rotation of three running backs if you like. We're just fascinated with the all-name team the Longhorns are running in their backfield:

Chris Ogbonnaya
Vondrell McGee
Foswhitt "Fozzy" Whittaker

The name "Foswhitt" comes from a contraction of his father's first name, Foster, and his last name, but that's not even the second most eye-popping tidbit of Foswhitt Whittaker's bio. In order of awesome:

Pets: Dog (Milo), two turtles (Michaelangelo and Lance), a ferret (Kiko) and a catfish (Whopper)

And:

Nobody knows I can: Play the tuba

A tuba-playing running back with a pet catfish and the name Foswhitt? EDSBS heartily throws its weight behind an endorsement of Foswhitt Whittaker for starting running back at Texas.

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That reminded me of Mississippi State’s opening day game against LSU.

6 INTs in like one half. Awe. Some.

by ThreenOut on Mar 31, 2008 9:18 AM EDT reply actions

Well, if the UM game had actually been in Miami-Dade County instead of Ft Lauderdale, maybe more people would have gone. Thank the Marlins for a spring training game against the Yankees in Dolphins stadium on Saturday.

Great idea to move to Dolphins stadium..

by aa on Mar 31, 2008 9:35 AM EDT reply actions

My grandpappy always said, “only the commies eat turkey bacon! We ‘mericans eat pork. And none of that low sodium crap neither! I didn’t storm those beaches in Normandy for turkey bacon eatin’ liberals. Goddamned commie turkey bacon!”

Well, he would have if he wasn’t a New York City Catholic…

by AllWhoYonder on Mar 31, 2008 9:40 AM EDT reply actions

" Miami football, just like Mississippi State Except with Palm trees …" Thats a nice dig right there… I am so going to break that out later on at a bar or something when I am talking with my U/M people….

by Bill from Gainesville on Mar 31, 2008 10:09 AM EDT reply actions

Quote from the article:

“It was a sickening sight that brought back memories of … former LSU receiver Tyrone Prothro.”

Come on guys, it isn’t that hard to get this one right.

by Limedust on Mar 31, 2008 10:10 AM EDT reply actions

All 11,000 Miami fans………………………….How did they all manage to get to Ft. Lauderdae what with mom complaining that they let their friends hang out in the basment too long and that piece of crap honda civic all busted up in the driveway(but hey it’s got a bumpin’ system and a chainsaw muffler!)?

by justanotherbuckye on Mar 31, 2008 10:13 AM EDT reply actions

Fozzy’s full of crap with the tuba. I went to Pearland HS, graduated 2 years before he did. Unless he did it two years in jr high, no fucking way.

by formerlyanonymous on Mar 31, 2008 10:23 AM EDT reply actions

MSU’s starting QB played a handful of plays — granted his first pass was an INT. The bulk of the snaps was taken by the 3rd string QB and two walk ons. The second string QB is still rehabbing.

Croom is notorious for holding his key offensive starters out of the spring game. Hell, I think he sent Jerious Norwood to Jamaica for fear of him getting hurt during spring practice.

by hailstate on Mar 31, 2008 10:23 AM EDT reply actions

Hasn’t every Bama player been LSU’s “receiver” for the past several years?

by PW on Mar 31, 2008 10:25 AM EDT reply actions

4. http://youtube.com/watch?v=kbvx5DYS6tE

clearly LSU.

by ThreenOut on Mar 31, 2008 10:30 AM EDT reply actions

Anyone out there with an XBox and NCAA 2008, do us a favor and set up a simulation of a neutral-site Miami-Missy State game; I want to see if it’s possible to score negative points in a game.

Then again, we could always institute a new rule that any team playing a Patrick Nix-coordinated offense can only start 8 guys on D, just to keep things fair.

by Doug on Mar 31, 2008 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

fozzy = wocka, wocka, wocka

by gerry dorsey on Mar 31, 2008 10:52 AM EDT reply actions

Thanks for the chuckle, Gerry!

by Out of Conference on Mar 31, 2008 11:38 AM EDT reply actions

Every time I read “lawya” from now on, I will think of Ralph King Anderson. Anyone else who has heard the South Carolina Court of Appeals judge say lawya or lawyaz will know why.

by Mr. Egger on Mar 31, 2008 11:46 AM EDT reply actions

Foswhitt, take this by autogyro to the Prussian Embassy in Siam, POSTHASTE!

by Will Muschamps on Mar 31, 2008 12:01 PM EDT reply actions

While I do find State’s spring game funny, I don’t feel that, as a fan of Alabama, I can cast stones just yet. The first scrimmage at UA was less than stellar (I know… it was a first scrimmage) and McElroy threw up INTs like he was Henig himself, but beyond that, Alabama’s offensive production in Starkville last November left a lot to be desired.
I’m not laughing until Alabama proves they can do better.

Now, the gun charges – that’s a totally different matter.
What are the odds that the guns were held sideways while being discharged? Cause that’s how ganstas roll.

by Picture Me Rollin on Mar 31, 2008 12:05 PM EDT reply actions

You fancy boys in hogtown have ESPN at your spring game, we counter with the DunkRydas in Ft. Liquordale. No big deal.

1985. Carry on.

by DCH on Mar 31, 2008 12:43 PM EDT reply actions

It’s only fitting that a Canes highlight reel/photo montage goes NSFW within the first 1.4 seconds of audio.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 31, 2008 12:53 PM EDT reply actions

Foswhitt Whittaker? He was great as Charles Jefferson in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. And an awesome dictator in Last King of Scotland.

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 31, 2008 1:11 PM EDT reply actions

11,000??? Thats about the number of fans who were turned away at Alabama’s spring game last year!!

by haybeav on Mar 31, 2008 1:38 PM EDT reply actions

While I do find States spring game funny, I dont feel that, as a fan of Alabama, I can cast stones just yet. The first scrimmage at UA was less than stellar (I know it was a first scrimmage) and McElroy threw up INTs like he was Henig himself, but beyond that, Alabamas offensive production in Starkville last November left a lot to be desired.
Im not laughing until Alabama proves they can do better.

Now, the gun charges – thats a totally different matter.
What are the odds that the guns were held sideways while being discharged? Cause thats how ganstas roll.

While I credit you for not throwing stones on MSU’s offensive abilities, you may also want to think twice about throwing stones on the gun-toting-football player thingy, too.

by ChemE93 on Mar 31, 2008 1:53 PM EDT reply actions