Rich Rodriguez claims Michigan “family values” have not declined, asserting that Justin Boren’s claim that Rodriguez has eroded the family atmosphere in Ann Arbor was “”way off base.” He also went further in his defense of family values by asserting his opposition to heliocentrism, his disgust for people being allowed to marry rocks, turtles, or homosexuals, and his fondness for corn syrup, especially when served in the name of a capricious, petty God.

This workout is brutal!

While Boren may have left the team due to declining family values, the Detroit Free Press just went ahead and all but called Boren a pussy who bailed on Rodriguez’s demanding new training regimen, a change from whatever Jazzercise Michigan was doing before. Flashback to Ivan Maisel’s piece on the new cruelty:

“After every workout, we would just come into the locker room and sit like that,” junior wide receiver Greg Mathews said, putting his head in his hands. “I can’t believe we just ran 12 100s and 10 40s and two 120s and we’re still alive. Man, I can’t believe we just did that.”

Now watch how you sew a few quotes together into an accusation of complete sad pussydom:

But Boren told much of the story 10 days earlier, following the team’s first spring practice. He cited then the change in the offense and the grueling nature of the first workout.

He also mentioned the difficulty the offensive linemen had constantly running back to the line of scrimmage in the no-huddle offense.

The only thing missing would be a key editorial decision to place an ad for tampon coupons right next to Boren’s head. Fine work, Freepers! Weakling or not, Boren is still very large, meaning he’s looking to transfer to another D-1 school including–gasp!–Terrelle Pryor’s choice, The University of Ohio State.

Stanford bows to no man. In between enraging Pete Carroll and enraging alums of Michigan by accusing them of academic laxity, Jim Harbaugh coaches Stanford. SMQ says they’re better than you might think, meaning he thinks they’re capable of being solidly middle-of-the-road. We agree–they’re Vegas’ best friend next year in the Pac-10, because they’ll sideswipe someone who shouldn’t lose to them. Not that this happened this year or anything, right?

43 pounds? Has Notre Dame’s Sam Young gained 43 pounds, as his stats claim, in a single offseason?

Let’s suspend disbelief and buy a 43-pound weight gain by right tackle Sam Young in approximately four months, a feat accomplished, Weis said, without the benefit of any additional body fat. A triumph attained, indeed, “just by adding lean muscle.”

Adding lean muscle…by stapling it to his quads? What the blind hell are they feeding him?

Your Friday Song of Crushing Glass And Metal Wreckage Falling From Great Heights. As you all know, we here at EDSBS love songs that sound like bombers obliterating cities, giant monsters snapping skyscrapers in two with their powerful cold hands, or herds of Cape Buffalo rolling unimpeded over fields of Tiffany Faberge eggs. Your song of Crushing Glass and Metal Wreckage Falling From Great Heights for the day: Helmet’s “Unsung,” ending with a relentless string of eighth notes that sounds like something burning up in orbit.

Metal guys who dressed like golf pros. Sometimes, we do miss things about the 90s.