The official biography of Kim Jong-Il and Pete Carroll’s actual life inch closer together by the day:

First, Kim:

North Korean publications describe Kim Jong Il as a renaissance man who has flown fighter aircraft, written operas and shot 11 holes-in-one in his first try at golf.

And who can conjure food from his empty hands! Oh, wait…

And then there’s Pete Carroll, who unlike Kim actually does the things written about him. In the middle of communing with the People’s Spirit on Mount Paektu and writing three symphonies, each more beautiful than the other and more beautiful than any music ever composed before, Pete decided to take a little batting practice with predictable results at the Coliseum, which is being rigged into a baseball stadium for an exhibition game between the Red Sox and Dodgers.

Carroll and tight ends coach Brennan Carroll each drilled three homers over the 62-foot-high net down the 199-foot left field line, and quarterbacks assistant Yogi Roth hit the staff’s only other home run in the hour-long batting practice session.


Oh god! I haven’t been able to smell in thirty years! Hit another one, Pete! Hit another one!

Of course he did. Did you see the definition and perfect form in his swing? And fact that when he hit the ball, it flew into the net and TURNED INTO A DOVE OF HOLY PEACE? Pete Carroll is thinking about you right now, and knows you can be more as a person than you ever dreamed of being. Will you answer the challenge, grasshopper?