STUFF MAIZE AND BLUE PEOPLE LIKE

41-35, motherfuckers!

There, just to get that tiresome comment out of the way.

Audis, Range Rovers, and Acuras are fucking lame.

preemptive reverse smack Orson?

sounds like Fran’s counter subconscious espionage.

What does the Michigan grad say to the Minnesota grad?

“Where do you want your car parked, sir?”

I cry at night during football season.

While we’re correcting and pre-empting, Harmon shouldn’t be included here. He actually ran.

It never gets tiresome, O. Nevahhhhhh

Brilliant. Painfully accurate and brilliant.

you need to check out “What Cajun People Like” at http://stuffcajunpeoplelike.wordpress.com/

You know, so you don’t duplicate anything when you do “What Purple and Gold People Like.”

Well done. But you may want to revise that Harmon mention. Hardly immobile by anyone’s standards. Change it to Friedman or something.

You left out: The sense of superiority that comes with being a know-it-all. Seriously, we know fucking everything. See above Harmon correction for an example.

Michigan fan here. That’s about right.

Well, without one mention of keys, we know who didn’t review the material as a Michigan fan.

the accuracy of all this can’t help but make me smile, since, as an arrogant and naturally self-righteous domer (who obviously loves redundancy), i naturally view the pretentiousness of wolverines as extremely ironic, since, in my eyes, they are no different than any of the unwashed masses in public universities, and are in fact a slightly less-tattooed version of their trailor-dwelling brethren in east lansing

but they are exceptional employees

Shouldn’t it read ‘The Ohio State University’?

You forgot blogging, Orson. The only thing we like more than talking about the inevitability of failure, death and pestilence is blogging about it.

Why don’t I see sweatshirts from Meijer on here?

And, since my ‘trailor-dwelling’ peoples annexed Notre Dame stadium as a MSU satellite field some time ago (the double wide was getting too cozy), I’d be more polite.

Shouldn’t it read ‘The Ohio State University’?

Really? Huh. Never heard it like that before.

spartanmike, i’d explain to you the grossly one-sided all time record of 44-26-1 that we have against you, and the 60%+ winning percentage, but i don’t think i can effectively explain percentages in grunts and Korn lyrics – i do think you’ll understand 40-37 however, since if there’s one thing michigan state football knows, it’s meltdowns

and your recent success in south bend is mainly attributed to the fact that you scare us – when the women in your fanbase show up in tube tops and mini-skirts for a game on a 40 degree day, and then commence to get into fistfights right next to our steak and lobster tailgates, well, such heathenry frightens us – at least your big brothers in ann arbor know how to behave…hell, even the equally tattooed and skanky pitt fanbase has enough respect and revernece for Our Lady to keep their knives in their pockets

Come to a UM /MSU game in AA for the full effect of pretentiousness. Its a damn circus, from party busses to free giveaways on every corner. Come to my tailgate to see some strange shit, but that’s expected from my crew, we’re UM fans from Ohio.

After reading that entry, I feel for the long-suffering Michigan fans. It turns out that having a legendary program just isn’t enough.

Notre Dame’s steak and lobster tailgates?

is that what I saw on that video last year?

Michigan fans need an eye opener on failure.

/Gamecock fan

“Oh, someone mention Notre Dame, oh please, we are relevant, dammit! I’ll mention it, Notre Dame, Notre Dame… oh yes, we’re great, people love us. Bow to us. Any football discussion has to include Notre Dame. We ARE the limelight of football.”

Folks, I give you Tommy Kilborne aka okiedomer.

http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2007/10/12/guest-columnist-tommy-kilborn-notre-dame-student/

In the white-immobile QB category you forgot Todd Collins (who actually had to earn his millions this year) and Scott Dreisbach.

And just in case you didn’t know Bob Seger attended Ann Arbor Pioneer High School, which is cater-cornered from the UM football stadium.

Aw geez. It hurts because it’s true.

But if I’d known you were going to do this, I would’ve put less effort into my HSR entries.

Michigan fans need an eye opener on failure.

/Gamecock fan

yeah… that’s coming right up.

Also, regarding immobile white guys, don’t forget Jay Riemersma and Andy Mignery before they switched to tight end.

And how could this not include “The Big Chill,” or am I just dating myself here?

Yep. One of these days we’ll have to get you up here to AA for a game, Orson, where you can experience the golf-clapping, occasionally tomb-like silence, in all its majesty whenever a) Michigan has fallen behind; b) Michigan is not beating non-conference tomato can/MAC team/MSU by the requisite 4 TDs; or, c) Michigan is beating non-conference tomato can/MAC team/MSU by the requisite 4 TDs.

The exceptions are actual exciting games (now that Lloyd is gone, the possibility for those rises to something > 0) and beating ND by the usual 38-0. Then, strangely, the noise level stays fairly high…

@ #13
From now on I shall call it “An Ohio St. University” because I think it may piss off Buckeyes just as much as uttering the words “Georgia Tech University” on North Ave. pisses off all the pencil-necked, grit-eating, scum-sucking pea-heads with lousy physique geeks in the vicinity.

Okiedomer # 12:

It’s “different from,” not “different than,” and it’s “trailer,” not “trailor.”

I guess proper spelling and grammar are things they only teach at public universities.

Along with capitalization.

U-M sweatshirts from Meijer… now that’s a hometown image.

I might be betraying my age, but Leach, Wangler and Smith were the prototypes for the last 30 years of Michigan QBs. Good arm, no mobility, and with the exception of Leach, have dropped off the radar upon being drafted.

Thanks to maskedavenger for the Pioneer High shoutout: my aunt was an AD there for what seemed like a zillion years.

One of Winslow Homer’s finest there. Of course, land-locked Big Ten fans are unlikely to dig Homer, unless it’s a Civil War tending to his crops. They love that shit in Illinois.

*Civil War soldier

I write good.

re: okie#18:

Color me impressed that you can recognize women in tube tops and mini-skirts, considering what you have to, uh, work with in South Bend. And I understand historical records just fine…when all you have is history and John L. Smith, then that’s where you hang your hat

Also, I’ve been to those steak and lobster tailgates…the most recent one being when USC came to town this past year. The steak and lobster put up more of a fight that day.

michigan fan here. guilty.

brilliant, as always, if derivative.

@#32 – Leach dropped off the radar because for some reason he chose to play baseball in Toronto.

An attempt at satire:

Stuff College FootBloggers Like

cheezy… but true.

Audi S4 Avant in Imola Yellow – Check
Good GRE Score – Check
PhD – Check
Smug arrogance that only Michigan alumni can understand. Yes, that arrogance which comes with the territory – Check
Love of Scotch – Check

ND boss? – nope
ND co-worker? – not good enough to work here (Merck)
ND janitor? – maybe, there is a purple 1990 ford festiva in the parking lot with an ND plate on it.

Ever parked a car for a gopher – nope
Parked a car on a gopher? – I think that was what it was. I didin’t bother to stick around and ask the tOSU fan who ate it though.

1. Isn’t Notre Dame that basketball school that got bounced last weekend?

okiedomer @12: Agreed, but—so as to keep things in perspective—Northwestern grads view Golden Domers in the same way.

>> Michigan may be rocking its fair share of beddable, biddable, beautiful women

You’ve never actually been to Ann Arbor, have you?

Concur with #42. On my HS visit to Ann Arbor, I made a conscious effort to count all the beautiful women. There were about 3. The entire day.

Also Orson, there used to be layers. Now, the ladies wear tights posing as pants. It helps a little, but still, it’s a cold, hard winter.

Luckily, Oberon just came out, signaling the start of spring.

Actually, #37, does anyone really choose to play baseball for the BJs? I always thought they just found themselves stuck there.

I do remember him playing a few games for the Giants in the BB (Before Barry) era. He had a bit of a problem with the marching powder in those days, more’s the pity…

Last I heard of Leach was about six years ago, when arrested for trying to pick up a hooker in Detroit, so it’s nice to know that he’s keeping his nose clean lately. Or at least not getting caught, for a change.

#31-
Thank you.

#12-
That’s not the proper usage of ‘since’.

Just sayin’.

Also,

I believe it’s now The University of Ohio State, per the newly acquired Mr. Pryor.

#46

Yet another reason for scotch consumption for wolverine fans.

I just want all the Michigan fans to know that I read all your posts with SEC speed.

As insufferable as you can be, I share your love of Scotch, Rovers and Deli Plates.
Switch Gordon Lightfoot with Bob Segar and we are practically related.

It’s sad that Orson knows me better than I know myself.

Terrific stuff. Brillant as always, guys.

Honestly, not that funny. Sort of a litany of Michigan elitists’ most comforting “jokes” about themselves. I can’t wait for next week’s hilarity about how smart and accomplished those Ga Tech types are.

This is a great site, but it gets too pleased with its own intellect sometimes. Just be funny, damnit; we’re not a grants committee! Stop being so gentle on the NPR types!

But again, it really is the best site going.

1. - i apologize for any spelling errors – unlike work related documents, i don’t have my michigan alum secretary spellchecking my blog comments – and my lack of capitalization is obviously a nod to the great e.e. cummings, just like my use of “-” is a nod to kerouac’s “the subterraneans” – for you spartans, cummings and kerouac WRITE WORDS PRETTY PRETTY WORDS YAY

1. - i hope you don’t work in marketing at merck – if by chance you do, don’t go singing “hail to the victor” around your exec. director

1. - really? i find that odd considering how chicago is pretty much run by domers – huh

btw orson, if you need help with “things blue and gold people like,” i’m available – obviously, looking down on michigan and usc fans who themselves look down on everyone else is pretty high on the list

If only Detroit had a fault line underneath it…… the world would be a better place….for me.

Yes, marketers from Michigan do suck ass, that is why 3M blows at marketing. Not to mention its stud marketing faculty member left UM for Maryland.

Dying a slow death that state is.

Oh – and on the lack of “talent” at UM… The inverse relationship between physical beauty and SAT scores is well-documented. It’s a scientific law.

#49, that’s “victors”. You should have a pretty good idea of that after the past two years’ beatings.

No, I have a PhD in chemistry, so I actually make the stuff that marketing sells. Somebody’s got to be the brains behind the operation, it might as well be somebody with brains, like a Michigan grad.

Remember the professional degree and the nice car… so true.

I wonder if that executive director, whom I assume is a domer from your posturing, is slumming it in a purple Festiva or if it is indeed the janitor.

Someone give okiedomer a prize for his Google research skills. That Notre Dame education is impressive – home-schooling in a much bigger house.

Drew Henson?

1. (addressing me at #41): Well, not all Wildcats, but some (a lot), the point being that the observed irony with respect to Michigan alums also applies to pretentious Notre Dame alums, depending on who is observing. Some Yale/Princeton/Harvard alums may view Northwestern alums the same way, but there is a lot big schools with D-I sports teams offer that the Ivies cannot.

Also, that Chicago is run by Domers is more perception than reality. Didn’t some Sun-Times or Trib piece years ago report that more people in the Chicago area claimed to be Notre Dame alumni than had ever graduated from Notre Dame in total? Maybe it’s urban myth but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was true. Reference the maybe fictitious/maybe real purple 1990 Pinto with the ND plate in a previous comment.
I’m one of the seemingly few Northwestern types who happens to like Notre Dame (visited both on the same trip and chose NU hands-down; granted I wasn’t at either on a football Saturday, but my brother was on his visit to ND).

1. - those last two years were to be expected, and couldn’t have stung half as much as going 1-2 against ty willingham – and i’m glad to hear your post-grad degree is in chemistry, as i firmly believe michigan alums excel in fields that don’t require social interaction – also, thank you for confirming your ND inferiority complex by mentioning several times that you have a post-grad degree and a nice car – i would likewise mention my gold domed post-grad degree and my what kind of car i drove, but as a domer, i’m above that michigan-esque need to feel better than everyone

1. - interesting sidenote: notre dame was one of the underwriters for google’s IPO – you can thank us at anytime for your interwebs – also, didn’t you go to a state school in s. carolina? exactly.

#22, despite South Carolina’s massive failures in just about every sport, unlike their corn-fed Michigan brethren, they have a winning record against tUoOS since 2000.

“Didn’t you go to a state school in s. carolina?” (sic)

Yes, I sure did. Not sure how it’s relevant to the subject, but I’m happy to respond to your inquiry.

You could have left out the since 2000 part. ND does not have a winning record against tOSU, whereas USCe does. ND is 3-1 against USCe, transitive herpes aside, so they can having bragging rights for history. We’ll take the present.

Instant Hall of Fame Status!

Orson, you omitted “handing out fake diplomas to the two-thirds of our players that even bother to ask for one.”

Since okiedomer seems so fascinated with business (not my field), I have pasted the wikipedia entry on Michigan business alums. I have no idea if ND can top this or not:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_University_of_Michigan_business_alumni

Merck marketing smack? Seriously?

How about beating Florida consistently Orson? Michiganders love that.

“Michigan may be rocking its fair share of beddable, biddable, beautiful women…” See, this is why you shouldn’t have non-grads write this piece.

It’s well known and documented that 10 out of 11 girls in the Big Ten are good looking. The other one goes to Michigan.

(slowly pulling trigger)

You guys all sound like tools.

How again does having a nice car and a grad degree prove some sort of inferiority complex to ND? Its a “spot-on” answer to to Orson. Rather than jumping in and saying “oooooo my chance to insult Michigan grads” try reading. So go on and read the above: “My Outstanding GRE Score”, now read all the way to the last sentence. My car and my job has nothing to do with you or thankfully Neutered and Dumb.

I can hear the kitten necks snapping as I type…

This couldn’t have gone without digs at my own alma mater, and I love you for it.

If you really need to boil down tOSU-Michigan, just remember what high school was like. There was always some pasty white kid with unbelievably good grades in genuine classes like chem, physics, and calculus. That’s Michigan. Then there was the popular meathead who C’d his way through all his classes but cleans that geek’s clock every Wednesday for being a bit of a dbag. Said meathead excels in one or two classes but slacks off in the rest. That’s Ohio State.

I made a conscious effort to count all the beautiful women. There were about 3. The entire day.

I was trying to be scientific. Just because I’ve never seen one doesn’t mean they don’t exist, right?

Somewhere?

….guys?

crickets

I’m just waiting for “Stuff Black and (Old) Gold People Like”. Essentially, it’ll boil down to: Anheuser-Busch products, antlers (and not just on deer), baseball and not opening windows from the west, because we don’t want to catch whatever the hell made Fred Phelps become psychotic.

Okiedomer, I can’t exactly understand why you’re talking smack about Michigan or USC. From what I remember, Michigan killed your team last year. I’m surprised Domer fans can even show their face after a 3-9 season.

As for looking down on USC fans, perhaps my memory is faulty, but USC killed ND at South Bend 38-0 this past season. If you have trouble remembering last season, then maybe USC’s victory the year before might ring a bell. No? Perhaps USC’s victory the year before that? What about the previous year? Or the previous one. I hope you’re starting to see the pattern.

On the other hand, maybe you’re bragging because of Charlie Weis’s amazing record in BCS bowl games, whereas Pete Carroll has struggled to a miserable 5-1 record.

Oh and please don’t try to spout any of that quality ND education garbage at me. I went to USC for law school, and our law school is ranked about 12 spots higher than ND’s 28th ranked law school:
http://grad-schools.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/usnews/edu/grad/rankings/law/brief/lawrank_brief.php

It’s a tossup between Michigan and Moo U for feminine pulchritude. In other words, not bad, but you don’t go to a Big 10 school expecting to see skin on any given November Saturday, unless it belongs to a Sig Chi pledge.

Funny thing is that of all the girls I knew in high school, the only one who wound up posing for Playboy went to Northwestern…

Michigan, like Emory in Atlanta, is a well-worn landing spot for Jewish kids from the northeast whose parents want to expose them to the rest of middle America without actually having them eaten by the wolf-men and heartless greaser killers roaming the Wal-Martian core of our country.

Gold. Solid, solid gold.

“Michigan, like Emory in Atlanta, is a well-worn landing spot for Jewish kids from the northeast whose parents want to expose them to the rest of middle America without actually having them eaten by the wolf-men and heartless greaser killers roaming the Wal-Martian core of our country.”

Bo Schembeckler’s steakhouse is now a Korean restaurant, but with all the Schembeckler-iana on the walls still. That’s the kind of grim “joke” you’re talking about, I think.

FWIW, I’m fairly sure that I’ve seen more than 3 attractive Michigan coeds at a time when in Ann Arbor visiting the in-laws, but maybe not court-of-law sure.

I break wood every time you use those sexy german words. And I don’t think I’m alone in that, either.

#75, it’s all circular man. ND went 12-0-1 against USC from 1983-1995. The tide will turn. Big Fat Charlie’s recent recruiting success should have us competitive again soon (unless he gets fired for going 6-6 this year). The “Willingham’s last recruiting class sucked and I got a late start on my fist” free pass has been revoked.

Jeff from LA:

1) Everyone knows that the US News rankings are, for the most part, worthless. Especially in the real world where, you know, it really matters.

2) Even if they weren’t worthless, any sane law school grad, aks lawyer, realizes that every school between ~18-25 is essentially identical.

3) If you are going to resort to US News BS, at least use this years rankings, where USC is #18 and ND ties for #22: http://www.abovethelaw.com/2008/03/us_news_rankings_1.php#more

4) Talking smack about owning ND as of late on the field I’ll give you. Bringing out the “I went to law school card” is lame. I know, because I went to law school.

I love that the comment thread to a hilarious post on Michigan stereotypes has still managed to devolve into ND and USC grads discussing the relative worth of their degrees. We just need a reference to Hitler and another to “how-many-national-championships-did-Alabama-really-win”, and we’ll have hit the college football blog trifecta of dumb.

Hitler was overrated, and Alabama really only won 6.

Oh, Orson, that’s so … that’s … well, actually, yeah, that’s pretty accurate. Personally, I drank bourbon — lots and lots of bourbon — after the Oregon game this year. But no need to nitpick.

1. -

Notre Dame does not get to take credit for Google.