THE SORDID, WONDERFUL PAST: THE FALL OF SWITZERVILLE

by Orson on Mar 25, 2008 10:54 AM EDT

Tooter Sooner!

SI's got their archives mostly open and running, a boon for tweedy archvists like ourselves and something that had us sprinting straight for rock star Rick Telander at his most glorious: the February 29th, 1989 article "You Reap What You Sow," which for the EDSBS underclassmen will serve as a cheat sheet (pun!) for what we mean when we say something is "Barry Switzertastic" in terms of program mismanagement and lax discipline.

We remember the exact instant when we read this article: sitting in a Fantastic Sam's in a strip mall in Franklin, Tennessee, waiting on a haircut with Mom and vacillating between adolescent moral horror and unabashed admiration for the gusto Oklahoma's football players displayed in their abuse of petty privilege.

A few of the finer cuts:

Earlier that week he had lectured children at a nearby grammar school about the evils of drug use. "Regardless of what anyone has told you about drugs," he told the youngsters, "they're the quickest way to end your life, the quickest way to be in jail."

Three days later the FBI charged Thompson with having sold 17 grams of cocaine for $1,400 to an undercover agent on Jan. 26.

And:

Parks, who reportedly had been drinking, barged in and angrily confronted Peters about a cassette tape that he claimed Peters had borrowed. Peters told Parks he didn't know what he was talking about. The two had gone to high school together in Houston, and Peters knew of Parks's volatile temper. But Peters was much bigger240 pounds to Parks's 176and once the shouting turned to shoving, Parks was on the floor.

In a rage, Parks bolted from the dorm and into the parking lot. He returned with a Harrington & Richardson eight-shot .22-caliber revolver. He threatened Peters with it and was taunted in return. "You're not going to do anything," said Peters. "I dare you! Go on, shoot me! Shoot me!" Peters stepped forward and pushed Parks yet again. Parks shot him. The bullet missed Peters's heart by three inches. Parks fled to neighboring Jones Hall, where he was apprehended by university police officers. "I'm the one who did it," police quoted Parks as saying. "I had no choice."

The next time someone complains about "kids these days," just send them this link and remind them that "crazy-ass motherfucker" has never gone out of style.

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Comments

Hold on, according to Gator fans, college football didn’t exist before 1990.

by Darkknight on Mar 25, 2008 10:56 AM EDT reply actions

You mean Feb 27 right? 1989 was not a leap year. Unless that’s just how bad ass Switzer is, he can bend time. . .

by Jennifer Farrell on Mar 25, 2008 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

Holy crap. This morning on saved by the bell was the episode
where the actor was doing the antidrug commercial @ Bayside but was a druggie himself.

Wait… crap.

I just aged and gaydard myself all in one post.

On another note… there was nothing like a Swizter run team.

by ThreenOut on Mar 25, 2008 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

‘S okay. For the most part, football hasn’t existed for Georgia since 1980, eh?

Cutting you off: KNOWSHON MORENO DAWGS SIC ’EM ROBERT EDWARDS WOO LEONARD POPE HERSCHEL YEAHAHHH.

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by Orson Swindle on Mar 25, 2008 11:12 AM EDT reply actions

I bet Ellis T Jones had an autographed copy of this SI cover when he was growing up.

by HeadThief on Mar 25, 2008 11:17 AM EDT reply actions

Say what you will about Switzerville, he continued a legacy that will NEVER be stopped. He cornered the market on Texas recruits that can be seen on todays Oklahoma football roster.

A more required read other than the public hanging that SI did on The King should be Bootleggers Boy.

Switzer is still The King!

by Joe T. on Mar 25, 2008 11:18 AM EDT reply actions

Winningest College Football Teams 2000-2007
1. Boise State 86-16 (.843)
2. Oklahoma 90-17 (.841)
3. Texas 85-17 (.833)
4. Ohio State 81-20 (.802)
5. USC 81-21 (.794)
6. LSU 82-22 (.788)
7. Georgia 80-23 (.777)
8. Miami 76-23 (.768)
9. Virginia Tech 79-25 (.760)
10. Auburn 75-27 (.735)
11. Texas Christian 72-26 (.735)
12. Michigan 73-27 (.730)
13. Florida 74-28 (.725)

Plus three SECC appearances and two SEC Championships. But keep clinging to that 1980 thing.

by Darkknight on Mar 25, 2008 11:19 AM EDT reply actions

DarkKnights comments couldn’t be because Georgia hasn’t won a MNC since ’80 could it?

by ThreenOut on Mar 25, 2008 11:25 AM EDT reply actions

“I have reevalutated the saturation and I have convoluted…”

Early Cuyler….His words, like so many nimble and airy servitors, trip about him at command.

by hunglikehussain on Mar 25, 2008 11:27 AM EDT reply actions

this just shows how far my beloved Sooners have fallen in terms of badassness – we used to have NCAA violations for steroids, selling blow to the feds, and occasionally spraying uzi fire out of a dorm window – now it’s a few thousand dollars under the table for “working” at a used car lot – and if you don’t think cheating with gusto matters, just look at our last 4 BCS games – if Stoops really wants to start winning MNCs and BCS bowls, he needs to get these guys a few big bags of money, some glocks, and some cooked crack – i mean, even our whipping boy Mack Brown knows that sometimes bitches gotta get kicked – if Stoops doesn’t bring back the gusto, he’ll never surpass the legacy of Switzer

and this article just shows that, to paraphrase Waylon Jennings, it don’t matter who’s in Austin, Barry Switzer’s still the King

by okiedomer on Mar 25, 2008 11:28 AM EDT reply actions

Anyone else remember this quaint story?
http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/cover/featured/9487/index.htm

by jakldawg on Mar 25, 2008 11:37 AM EDT reply actions

“I’m the one who did it…I had no choice.”

???

Awesome. Pure, 100% awesome.

by Anon on Mar 25, 2008 11:38 AM EDT reply actions

We can only pray that whatifsports.com adds a Fantasy Fulmer Cup to their site someday. From what I’ve read, these Sooners sound like provisional all-time champs.

by Ground0EastLansing on Mar 25, 2008 11:49 AM EDT reply actions

What’s a cassette tape?

by Earl Schlobodowicz on Mar 25, 2008 11:52 AM EDT reply actions

We can’t hear you. We have seven SEC titles stuck in our ear.

by Orson Swindle on Mar 25, 2008 11:56 AM EDT reply actions

The sooners, aggies, ,buffalos, OSU cowboys, and TTU red raiders were Fulmer Cup juggernauts in their days (80’s – early 2000’s)

by ThreenOut on Mar 25, 2008 11:56 AM EDT reply actions

$1400 for 17 grams? damn fool shoulda known that was a cop- Nobody pays that much for powder.
i’m just suprised that he didn’t solicit sexual favors as well…

by Excuse me while I whip this out on Mar 25, 2008 11:57 AM EDT reply actions

fantastic sams? you should have gone to supercuts where you would get a $5 coupon if they accidentally made you bleed your own blood during the endeavor.

by kleph on Mar 25, 2008 12:06 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, did you see Pete Carrol’s facebook status today? Possibly worthy of its own post

by Walrus on Mar 25, 2008 12:08 PM EDT reply actions

Switzerland. Israel or a figment of Oklahoma’s imagination?

/pours another scotch

by hunglikehussain on Mar 25, 2008 12:55 PM EDT reply actions

#3, that was a classic ep. “Hey Zack, it’s a ‘roach’!”

Good job Orson. The “rings in ears” quote by Paddy Roy was one of the greatest smack lines of all time.

by Raider Red on Mar 25, 2008 1:22 PM EDT reply actions

Georgia’s touting a statistical analysis in which Boise State is the winner? and Ohio State came in ahead of Georgia as well?

Classic.

by zzgator on Mar 25, 2008 1:54 PM EDT reply actions

17 – $83, rounding up, would be a bit high for the NC Triangle today, so I would assume that is especially high for Norman, Oklahoma, circa 1989.

Unless it was a rarer commodity in Oklahoma, given its geographical location.

Economics in the drug trade is always a fun topic to discuss.

by Coop on Mar 25, 2008 2:38 PM EDT reply actions

#21

Dang right it was an awesome episode.

Zach I brought a guy roach for her…

sorry screech we flushed her….

MURDERERS!!!!

by ThreenOut on Mar 25, 2008 2:43 PM EDT reply actions

WOW. perhaps the Fulmer Cup could also be refered to as the Switzer Cup… i heard about the sooners getting in trouble in the 80’s, i just never realized it was THAT BAD

by Cunning Stunts on Mar 25, 2008 5:20 PM EDT reply actions

Anon I agree…that’s a quote that you can amuse yourself with in everyday conversation and no one is the wiser. I’m also a fan of interjecting Albert Means’ wise response to the Memphis Commecial Appeal…possibly my favorite quote of all times from an athelete:

Asked whether he took large amounts of cash from his coach, Means said, “Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? I don’t know.”

by Vol on Mar 25, 2008 9:27 PM EDT reply actions

Gosh somebody must be awfully bored to dredge up something so old. Thing is everybody overlooks all those Switzer did discipline, Booted Buster Rhymes off the team for a yr, sent a DB from Calif off the team to UNLV, and others , why are they not mentioned or is just selective journalism. Always wondered tho why he didn’t follow 100+ players around 24/7 so as to insure they did nothing wrong. Shame on him for not doing that …it’s was just plain laziness on his part.

by Phil Grove on Apr 5, 2008 8:20 PM EDT reply actions