FULMER CUP: IT MUST BE YOUR CHICK FLICKS

by Orson on Mar 25, 2008 3:58 PM EDT

With the towel, like a gentleman.

Keenan Jones of Hawaii has been arrested and charged with unauthorized entry into a motor vehicle and second-degree assault. The two counts are both felonies, and total seven points for Hawaii in the Fulmer Cup. Seven, you ask? Why add a bonus point on top of the three points a piece for the felonies? As usual: style, sir, sheer inescapable style, brought to this case by the inclusion of some low-quality PPV pr0n.

A court document on the latest charges noted "the catalyst" for the domestic problems between the two stems from Jones allegedly using the woman's cable provider to rent 13 porn movies resulting in a bill of over $300.

Lady, you don't understand: this is how the deal works. Keenan gets porn, you pay for it, and when you complain about it, I shut a door on your toes and break two of them, because your bill must be mistaken. And those charges must be from your chick movies like August Rush and shit, because everyone knows porno is free--you press a button and it just shows up there on the tv. Amy Adams, though...damn. That girl can play Keenan's cello anytime. Or share the couch with me when I crack out the butter churn and get to work on the couch, which I would do with a towel under my ass just like a gentleman would. That'd be some positively Enchanted shit there.

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Comments

Gee, the one time internet porn would have been the solution, not the problem…and it slips through the cracks.

by Brian on Mar 25, 2008 4:01 PM EDT reply actions

dude, this is the internet age, nobody PAYS for porn anymore.

by kleph on Mar 25, 2008 4:06 PM EDT reply actions

That’s the little punk bitch who wouldn’t stop running his yap after laying a cheap shot on Mikey Henderson in the Sugar Bowl.

I’m trying to be a more forgiving person, I really am, but the only response I can muster to this one is: Watch your back in the prison shower, bitch.

by Doug on Mar 25, 2008 4:11 PM EDT reply actions

[side note]

A FootJoy ad?

[/side note]

Maybe they don’t have internet in Hawaii… Considering the stories I hear about their fans, I’m surprised more of it doesn’t rub off.

by dudis41 on Mar 25, 2008 4:11 PM EDT reply actions

This is the same POS that gave Mikey Henderson a cheap shot late hit on a punt return during the Sugar Bowl. If I recall correctly, his life was made pretty miserable by the Dawgs the rest of the night – even our placekicker knocked him in the back on a kickoff.

Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it, asswipe?

by Darkknight on Mar 25, 2008 4:12 PM EDT reply actions

Motor vehicle, porn… I thought for a second that this was the second coming of Eddie Griffin.

by Out of Conference on Mar 25, 2008 4:22 PM EDT reply actions

“Thats the little punk bitch who wouldnt stop running his yap after laying a cheap shot on Mikey Henderson in the Sugar Bowl.”

I thought that was the guy. Not exactly shocking, I guess.

by Because They Can on Mar 25, 2008 4:35 PM EDT reply actions

a hundred cocktails to you sir for the outstanding Eddie Griffin reference.

by Maize n Brew Dave on Mar 25, 2008 4:44 PM EDT reply actions

That is AWESOME!!!

by Dawg Gone it on Mar 25, 2008 5:19 PM EDT reply actions

Ok, so where did his shirt go?

by Dawg Gone it on Mar 25, 2008 5:22 PM EDT reply actions

They didn’t let the guy put on a shirt before they hauled him off? Maybe Cops is more realistic than I thought.

And I know stuff is expensive in Hawaii but $23 per movie? Was it DP midget porn?

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 25, 2008 5:28 PM EDT reply actions

Serves that idiot right. He was the one that took the cheap shot on Mikey. He was not the one Bailey popped, that was some fat linebacker or something. This guy was talking crap all night and his helmet kept coming off every three plays. I’ll have a good laugh at his expense.

by Bob on Mar 25, 2008 7:13 PM EDT reply actions

i second the offerings from #3 #5 and #7 above.

punk.
bitch.

at least Hawai’i’s competitive in something with the S-E-C….lol

also, the Amy Adams reference?
…where would i be w/out Google?

by dawgaddict on Mar 25, 2008 8:37 PM EDT reply actions

Keenan, kiss ma halo! Bitch!

by hunglikehussain on Mar 25, 2008 9:23 PM EDT reply actions

From now on, there should be an automatic bonus point for any clown who gets his mugshot taken without a shirt on.

Pure class.

by Erik on Mar 25, 2008 9:44 PM EDT reply actions

Ahhh yes – Enchanted. My 5 year old got that movie for Easter. Only took one look at the cover to get me to agree to watch it with her. Man, Amy Adams would so have to get it……

by CLTDawg on Mar 25, 2008 10:18 PM EDT reply actions

Looks like Dog and his crew took the shirt during the final showdown between criminal and bounty hunter.

by Chris on Mar 26, 2008 8:28 AM EDT reply actions

Is that a mugshot, or the cover of a 1991 R&B album now available in cutout bins everywhere?

by Pants McPants on Mar 26, 2008 9:21 AM EDT reply actions

All u dumb ass fuck faces can kiss my ass bitch… I wasn’t charged with any of this b.s. don’t speak unless u know the whole situation. I never did time and I sure as hell didn’t download porn… I play football, I definitely don’t have a problem getting a woman.. but obviously u guys do cuz ur on here talkin to each other..p.s. mikey henderson should’ve fair caught the ball, then he might have been able to play the rest of the game….lol muaaaaaaahahahaha! Suck it e.z.

by keenan jones on Oct 14, 2009 11:39 AM EDT reply actions