Every teenager should subscribe to Sports Illustrated. This is fact. There’s 51 issues of decent sportswriting and it provides a good avenue to establishing a steady schedule and practice of leisure reading. All every positive traits for a growing, learning young man.
Then, of course, there’s the swimsuit issue, a flimsy excuse to trot out unholy amounts of cheesecake with increasingly nonexistent clothing to cover it. While there’s much to be said about leaving things up to the imagination, there are some things you just can’t argue with. Like, let’s say, a 23-year-old Tyra Banks bringing polka dots back to the land of sexy.
But though Tyra’s run in 1997 was outstanding, the overall body of work (sorry) was nonpareil the next year. It is no exaggeration to call it the most important publication of my teenage years, right above The Quintessential Calvin and Hobbes and the instruction manual to Street Fighter II Turbo.
Cover girl Heidi Klum was ridiculously hot, yes, but let’s give a nod to the other ladies of the issue as well. Heidi will start us off, and there’s more after the break, including That Look. Every man knows it. As always, work-safe by way of technicality, work-inadvisable by way of common sense.
This is Stillwater. It’s in the northern part of Oklahoma. Oklahoma State plays there. Amarillo Lubbock**, the home of Texas Tech, is scarcely farther south.
Naturally, the two schools have agreed to start playing their games in… wait for it… Dallas. Because really, why make one fanbase travel hundreds of miles a year when you can make both instead?
Of course, there is the fact that more people live in Dallas than the entire state of Oklahoma* and there’s probably as many fans of each team in Dallas as there are in their home cities, but still, Dallas is not, how you say, close. Stillwater is 266 miles away, and that’s the closer of the two cities; it’s about 100 more miles from Amarillo Lubbock.***
So the question is, dear readers, if the UGA-UF game in Jacksonville is the world’s largest jorts cocktail party, what would OSU-TT in Dallas be called?
*I did zero research to back this up and it may be false, but it sounds like a good point.
**whoops a daisy.
***ditto.
The Bulldogs may want to temper expectations of 2008 just a bit, as starting linebacker Marcus Washington is out for a long time. He will be undergoing surgery soon (surgery being the only thing someone can “undergo,” just like kickoffs are the only thing that ever “ensue”) and his recovery time is estimated to be about six months. That takes him to about the start of September, and that’s not counting the loss of lifting, conditioning, practice, etc. etc. so it looks as if a medical redshirt is in order here. Granted, it’s not as if the loss of one linebacker means it’s a one-way ticket to Fourandeightsville for the Dawgs, but any time you start losing senior starters, consequences are usually dire.
*Rejected George Washington jokes include hack references to wooden teeth, cherry trees, and the Delaware River. Also, we lie constantly.
Our intrepid blogger-in-chief is still in Las Vegas, fearing the local breakfast fare (”The eggs are rubbery, the steak is attempting to walk off with your luggage, the fruit sits under heat lamps and the sausage is on ice.”). If there are many more games like last night’s Duke-Belmont struggle–another sure sign than God is dead–then we may begin to worry. Meanwhile over at 35S, open threads and liveblogs galore! That is, unless you want to go to the teams’ fan sites and just read things like “Yeah!” or “Nice shot!” or “Call the foul!” over and over. Didn’t really think so.
We slammed a fifth of Powerthirst after waking up this morning, and the Curious Index is now the FURIOUS INDEX! Thus, it’s only fair we start things off with something satisfyingly harsh, like Pantera in front of tens of thousands of angry Russians. Mind the language, of course, but it’s likely your boss might care a bit more about the fact that it’s Pantera than if an F bomb gets dropped. Plus you can’t even understand any of the lyrics anyway.
Who the hell is “Terrelle Pryor”?: Recruiting minutia for those of you who care about this stuff… some Pryor kid, who seems more interested in basketball than football, has committed to the “University of Ohio State.” aren’t they in the MAC or something? Regardless, we expect this to have absolutely no effect on the college football world for the next four-five years. None whatsoever. We’re certain that Michigan faithful would rise up with pitchforks and torches and throw Rich Rodriguez into Lake Huron in 2010 anyway. Anyway, worst kept secret turns into not secret at all, and the other members of the BXI now have their excuse why they plan to lose to Ohio State 90-0 for the next four years.
June Jones cares about defense, pants: An alert reader sends us this tip:
But here was the big surprise — June Jones was coaching the defense. Seriously. I expected him to be right behind the quarterbacks talking to them about everything, but instead he had a notebook in his hand and after each play he’d flip it open and show something to the defense — I’m guessing a formation he wanted them to line up in. He even lined up as the right end a few times and at the snap would take a couple of steps into the backfield, like a rusher.
Picture evidence, which is too large for the constraints of this site, is here. There is no denying, now, that SMU is controlling Jones like Scientology. First, the clothes: Jones, who used to dress like a bad mix of a Jimmy Buffett fan and Bernie Focker, is posing in suits with the SMU brass. Now the former Hawaii coach thinks he’s a defensive guru. Don’t be surprised when, by July, Tom Cruise hears June’s name, thinks he’s a girl, and instinctively gets him pregnant.
Did we say “aggravated murder by arson?” We mean “misdemeanor.”: Charges against a Penn State player have been dropped. No, this is not a repeat. This time it’s Tyrell Sales, cited last Saturday for hollerating, and charges have now poof disappeared. This follows a long line of exorbitant Penn State charges that haven’t even come close to sticking, which just goes to show what happens when you hire Fericito as your attorney general. The Big Board will reflect the adjustment, assuming it was ever changed in the first place.
Did you have a good day with your bracket?: Yes, so did everybody else. It’s not like you had Georgia in the Elite 8 or any… oh God, you did, didn’t you. It’s okay, you didn’t need that money. Your wife can live off canned food for a while.
THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM Drop links, tips, and chat in 150 character bursts with the fellow members of the commentariat.
Sponsor Us
If you are interested in advertising on this site, please contact Donnie (don.lacuran@gmail.com)
EDSBS Store Live it. Love it. Wear it until it's ripped from your body by envious hordes of tailgaters.
Locker Room
About us
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Contact
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
Lake The Posts Northwestern football, which is purple and smarter than you and no thank you would NOT like a ten win season at the cost of academic integrity, thank you very much.
Maize ‘n Brew And still yet another strong, funny, and literate Michigan blogger. Embarrassment of riches over there, really.
MGoBlog The horribly, admirably partisan Kodiak Bear of UM Blogs
Loading ...
