MARGARITA MAMA'S BECOMES AN ACCOMPLICE FOR PSU POINTS
by Orson on Mar 19, 2008 2:16 PM EDT
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Margarita Mama's! Orange women get in free ALL NIGHT.Damn you, Irish Car bombs--were it not for your five dollar taste and multiple layers of intoxicating charm, Penn State might be avoiding a speedier climb up the Fulmer Cup charts. Yet Margarita Mama's is to blame only in part, since Tyrell Sales did the voluntary purchasing, consumption, and then foolish behaviorin' afterwards, though frankly the police in question pulled the trigger too quickly in this instance.
City police said Sales, who will be a fifth-year senior, became belligerent when he was asked to leave the club.
Sales is accused of yelling and screaming at officers, balling his hands into fists and shouting obscenities, city police said.
That's just another night out with mom here at Swindle Manor, but whatever: Margarita Mama's advertises itself as "Where Pittsburgh Parties," meaning it's likely where the lumpenproletariat go drink, rut, fight, and dance to the house remixes of "Since You've Been Gone" and, without irony, any Black Eyed Peas song. The police probably just crack out the cuffs when they walk in the door at the place.
That's two points for Penn State and a reminder that if you're going to pitch a drunk toddler tizzy, don't do it in front of the police in Pittsburgh.
Bonus note: our research for this story has led us to the ultimate stomach cramping drink of all drinks, a reprehensible variation of the delicious Irish Car Bomb called the Backalley Pipebomb. From the Wiki entry:
Backalley Pipebomb - one shot of Popov and 1/2% milk dropped into a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
We're not chemists, but that has to be one of the few things that can simultaneously smoke and curdle. It is also likely highly explosive, as it should explode with the application of force due to the sheer shame of its existence.
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that sounds fuckin deeeelicous. like a cement mixer, but without any of the nicer attributes.
by tempebamafan on Mar 19, 2008 2:29 PM EDT reply actions
I was always partial to the Republic of Texas Blunderbuss: Shiner Bock with a shot of Beam and Chambord… That milk sounds like a deal killer though
by WorstFan on Mar 19, 2008 2:43 PM EDT reply actions
The cement mixer is by far the grossest drink ever invented. The combnation of Bailey’s and Lime juice creates a digusting curdling consistency that cannot be duplicated.
We used to order them at the Houndstooth as a practical joke for friends that had never had the pleasure. Always a priceless reaction.
by haybeav on Mar 19, 2008 2:45 PM EDT reply actions
The orange girls stick out so much worse up here in the North. I can remember sleep walking to class amongst a sea of ghostly faces in February only to be jarred awake by the odd orange interlude.
by DanF on Mar 19, 2008 2:52 PM EDT reply actions
what a waste of perfectly good beer. and vodka.
by yoyofutbawl on Mar 19, 2008 2:55 PM EDT reply actions
- - I haven’t noticed the orange so much at MSU after Spring break. They all kind of blend in in a sea of North Face fleeces.
Also, the backalley pipebomb sounds delicious. Kind of like a Black Ribbon (half Guinness, half PBR), but much more likely to make you forget to hold your bodily functions.
by Ground0EastLansing on Mar 19, 2008 2:55 PM EDT reply actions
I’ve always been partial to the Truck Bomb: a rocks glass with 1/2 Jameson and 1/2 Baileys dropped into a pitcher of Guiness.
by Dawg 05 on Mar 19, 2008 3:24 PM EDT reply actions
How would one go about dropping a shot into a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, into any can for that matter…
Ahhh PBR, only $3.25 a pitcher and Moes and Joes in Virginia Highlands on Tuesday nights. Good times and bad bad hangovers on Wed mornings, in fact I recall some lasting well into Thursday. That was about 15 years ago, so that price has probably inflated some, say $3.50 a pitcher now?
by skinnyphatman on Mar 19, 2008 3:35 PM EDT reply actions
Orson,
Any particular reason we aren’t getting Fulmer Cup points for Andrew Quarless’s underage DUI arrest on March 7th? Or did we score already for that one and I was just asleep?
Also, nice Head East reference. Well done.
by mhentz on Mar 19, 2008 3:43 PM EDT reply actions
That’s about as bad a flaming hemorrhoid – Pepto, SoCo, and Tobasco.
by Out of Conference on Mar 19, 2008 3:50 PM EDT reply actions
From Wikipedia:
In the Eighteenth Brumaire, Marx describes the lumpenproletariat as a ‘class fraction’ that constituted the political power base for Louis Bonaparte of France in 1848. In this sense, Marx argued that in the particular historical events leading up to Louis Bonaparte’s coup in late 1851, the proletariat and bourgeoisie were productive and progressive, advancing the historical process by developing society’s labor power and its capabilities, whereas the ‘lumpenproletariat’ was unproductive and regressive.
by Bryan on Mar 19, 2008 4:03 PM EDT reply actions
My favorite thing to do is make up drink names and order them. You always get a different drink.
The best two so far – “Dirty Mexican” and “Sloppy Vagina”.
Of course, we know that PBR rocks.
by NewAZTiger on Mar 19, 2008 4:10 PM EDT reply actions
Yoo hoo + Vodka = Poor Man’s White Russian
by Chips O'Toole on Mar 19, 2008 4:19 PM EDT reply actions
From my point of view across the Atlantic, I still find it incredible that there’s a drink called an ‘Irish Car Bomb’…can you buy a ‘Baghdad Car Bomb’ anywhere in the US?
by Mighty Squirrel Kingdom on Mar 19, 2008 4:41 PM EDT reply actions
16 – We make a mockery of St. Patrick’s Day, too.
Point being, nobody over here cares what you think, and I have spent two weeks in Ireland, thus I, “qualify” according to yesterday’s St. Patrick’s Day thread.
Oh, and all my ancestors came over on the Mayflower so I would assume my people have been oppressing yours for thousands of years.
In other words, you should be used to the indignities by now.
In a more practical perspective, the Irish Car Bombs are not used to kill Americans, unless Jack Ryan gets involved.
by Coop on Mar 19, 2008 4:56 PM EDT reply actions
#14, do you get any weird looks when you try to order a “Screaming Viking?”
by parker91 on Mar 19, 2008 4:58 PM EDT reply actions
A fine bunch of inclusive liberals we have here.
Six posts referring to one’s heritage, none referring to one’s gender. Typical.
by hunglikehussain on Mar 19, 2008 5:57 PM EDT reply actions
@4: Let’s keep this to a discussion about drinks, haybeav.
@6: I don’t think I’ve thought of Popov as “perfectly good vodka” since sophomore year. I do have a sentimental fondness for PBR, though.
by Big Ten Joe on Mar 19, 2008 6:11 PM EDT reply actions
i had some shit called a “melon seed” and another one called a “dirty vegas” both have a form of pucker and red bull, the vegas one has tequila. both taste really fucking good. but like all sweet drinks, the hangover is a real bitch.
also, 24 bros before hos!
by tempebamafan on Mar 19, 2008 7:08 PM EDT reply actions
is there a christian dating site called “lions pride” ? like “that was the best pussy i ever ate” sez the lion. e.g. they got cerifiably good punanny if the lions are proud….anyway
by tempebamafan on Mar 19, 2008 7:10 PM EDT reply actions
There an Orange Bang joke in here somewhere but I can’t find it.
by Yinka Double Dare on Mar 19, 2008 7:23 PM EDT reply actions
I think you all are making most of those drinks up.
On another note, do you seriously expect the Pittsburghpolice to give anyone from Penn State a break?
by The Big Dog on Mar 19, 2008 9:46 PM EDT reply actions
I recall someone in my college days inventing a drink they called the “Piledriver”:
Vodka and prune juice.
I didn’t have the guts.
by the croominator on Mar 19, 2008 11:35 PM EDT reply actions
#30, rhew Screming Viking and Laughing Swde are from
by Anonymous IV on Mar 19, 2008 11:37 PM EDT reply actions
#30, the Screaming Viking and Laughing Swede are from a Cheers episode.
by Anonymous IV on Mar 19, 2008 11:40 PM EDT reply actions
Coop @ 17 – It was nice of you to make Mighty Squirrel Kingdom’s point for him.
by DC Trojan on Mar 20, 2008 1:19 AM EDT reply actions
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