Terrelle Pryor to finally announce his intentions today at a noon press conference. We predict he will delay his decision until after his successful CFL/NFL career, thus forcing Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State fans to wait another 12 years for his announcement. Pryor’s high school coach says Michigan has “closed the gap” over the past few weeks, giving Michigan fans a gentle but pleasant rub of the jumblies before the inevitable, mandatory jumbly-punch.

Your waiting music in the meantime: The Kinks.

June Jones, pay up motherfucker. Hawaii’s attempting to pull a DickRod on June Jones, suggesting Jones missed the window on paying exactly $400,008 dollars he allegedly owes Hawaii for his departure. But what if he paid them $400,000 dollars and mailed them the rest in pennies. Dude, that would so totally burn them. We’ll get the penny rolls. This is gonna be awesome.

Sizist! New Syracuse offensive coordinator says he “will not play fat people.” (Nicole Kidman has that same rule, along with a refusal to play anyone whose forehead has to move.) Article includes pics of fat lineman in glorious people’s orange uniforms. Pork Chop Womack almost read this whole article before having to swat one of his moons out of the way to finish it.

Nebraska pound ball more. Happy with pound ball more in 2008.

Yes, Penn State is on the board again. More on that in a bit.