Everyday Should Be Saturday

March 19, 2008

CALL US RAINBOW 7: LAS VEGAS FANDANGORAMA

We’re off to Vegas to cover the first weekend of the tournament for The Sporting News, and it promises to be Con Air awesome, minus the Nicholas Cage Skynrd locks. Follow our descent into madness–and really, the aim is to destroy this gig and never, ever let anyone come close to our rapid mad post rate ever again–one of several ways.

The Sporting Blog. Not only does it have our interview with Ric Flair, but it will have our posts on what Vegas during the first weekend of March Madness looks, feels, smells, and feels like, including the part where we wind up drinking $2000/bottle cognac from goatskins with the sheikhs of Dubai at a live man versus panther death match in the hills of Nevada.


Step One, this. Step Two, fire up laptop. Step three: MASSIVE PROFITS.

Flickr. I’ll be posting photos live from the fracas, as well, so keep up by following here.

Twitter. For those too ADDled to even get through this blog post, we’ll be posting on the EDSBS Twitter feed muy rapido all day and most of the night.

Your guest host will be Oops Pow Surprise from Black Heart, Gold Pants , a demented gent who promises to not only provide the Curious Index, but an installment of “Things Black and Gold People Like,” the latest in our series of fan profiles. We will usurp the Iowa jokes by saying the only one we know for sure: meth.

Godspeed. And wish the same to us. If we fail to come back from this mission, know that we went to bat country happily.



Filed under: Blog Buddies, ONE HUNDRED COCKTAILS, Other College Sports, blood blood blood, drankin', drunk white women, hangovers of staggering intensity, holiday in cambodia, i've made a huge mistake, media whoring, my lawyaz, push it to the limit!, triple espresso enema please, your worst nightmares, zawmbies  by Orson Swindle

MARGARITA MAMA’S BECOMES AN ACCOMPLICE FOR PSU POINTS

Margarita Mama’s! Orange women get in free ALL NIGHT.

Damn you, Irish Car bombs–were it not for your five dollar taste and multiple layers of intoxicating charm, Penn State might be avoiding a speedier climb up the Fulmer Cup charts. Yet Margarita Mama’s is to blame only in part, since Tyrell Sales did the voluntary purchasing, consumption, and then foolish behaviorin’ afterwards, though frankly the police in question pulled the trigger too quickly in this instance.

City police said Sales, who will be a fifth-year senior, became belligerent when he was asked to leave the club.

Sales is accused of yelling and screaming at officers, balling his hands into fists and shouting obscenities, city police said.

That’s just another night out with mom here at Swindle Manor, but whatever: Margarita Mama’s advertises itself as “Where Pittsburgh Parties,” meaning it’s likely where the lumpenproletariat go drink, rut, fight, and dance to the house remixes of “Since You’ve Been Gone” and, without irony, any Black Eyed Peas song. The police probably just crack out the cuffs when they walk in the door at the place.

That’s two points for Penn State and a reminder that if you’re going to pitch a drunk toddler tizzy, don’t do it in front of the police in Pittsburgh.

Bonus note: our research for this story has led us to the ultimate stomach cramping drink of all drinks, a reprehensible variation of the delicious Irish Car Bomb called the Backalley Pipebomb. From the Wiki entry:

Backalley Pipebomb - one shot of Popov and 1/2% milk dropped into a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

We’re not chemists, but that has to be one of the few things that can simultaneously smoke and curdle. It is also likely highly explosive, as it should explode with the application of force due to the sheer shame of its existence.



Filed under: Big 10 Conference, Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Fulmer Cup  by Orson Swindle

PRYOR EMBRACES POISONOUS NUT

This year’s supermodel opts for the Buckeyes: Terrelle Pryor chooses tOSU over Michigan and Penn State.

We’re sure everyone will take this in a mature and reasonable fashion on both sides. Pryor said the things he was looking forward to most were the friendships he could make in college, the outstanding community in Columbus, and losing the national title game in two years to an SEC team who blows them out of the building sometime in the middle of the third quarter.



Filed under: Big 10 Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Recruiting  by Orson Swindle

WANTED: SECONDARY. NOW.

Hey, Florida’s spring practice starts today. Were you aware that Urban Meyer’s looking for cornerbacks? If you didn’t watch Chad Henne play Bomberman in the Outback Capital One Bowl, perhaps you could just look at the final pass defense rankings for 2007: 98th in the nation against the pass, meaning we might have been better off at corner by blitzing nine every play and eliminating this pesky “corner” position altogether.


Yeah, sure guys. Stand around. Watch the clouds race across the sky. It’s all too beautiful!

There’s also the look for this elusive “tailback,” but it’s good to see Robbie Andreu and the others at the Sun chiming in with our initial caveman reactions watching last year’s practices pre-injury: Mon Williams, a darting but mean-running back who missed last year’s practices with a torn ACL, may beat USC transfer Emanuel Moody for the starting job. It’s entirely possible: Williams looked nasty last spring before getting Frank Gore’d and ceding the job to Kestahn Moore, noted for his generosity towards opposing defenses.



Filed under: Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Southeastern Conference, blatant homerism  by Orson Swindle

CURIOUS INDEX, 3/19/08

Terrelle Pryor to finally announce his intentions today at a noon press conference. We predict he will delay his decision until after his successful CFL/NFL career, thus forcing Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State fans to wait another 12 years for his announcement. Pryor’s high school coach says Michigan has “closed the gap” over the past few weeks, giving Michigan fans a gentle but pleasant rub of the jumblies before the inevitable, mandatory jumbly-punch.

Your waiting music in the meantime: The Kinks.

June Jones, pay up motherfucker. Hawaii’s attempting to pull a DickRod on June Jones, suggesting Jones missed the window on paying exactly $400,008 dollars he allegedly owes Hawaii for his departure. But what if he paid them $400,000 dollars and mailed them the rest in pennies. Dude, that would so totally burn them. We’ll get the penny rolls. This is gonna be awesome.

Sizist! New Syracuse offensive coordinator says he “will not play fat people.” (Nicole Kidman has that same rule, along with a refusal to play anyone whose forehead has to move.) Article includes pics of fat lineman in glorious people’s orange uniforms. Pork Chop Womack almost read this whole article before having to swat one of his moons out of the way to finish it.

Nebraska pound ball more. Happy with pound ball more in 2008.

Yes, Penn State is on the board again. More on that in a bit.



Filed under: Big 10 Conference, Big East Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Mid Major Conferences, Recruiting  by Orson Swindle

WE’LL BE ALONG IN A MINUTE

Late start due to late finish last night, so the management would like you to know that the Curious Index will be along around ten or so. In the meantime, it’s good to see that former Ole Miss coach Ed Orgeron’s keeping himself busy these days.

HT: With Leather.



Filed under: Uncategorized  by Orson Swindle

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