We know it’s a long season, and we’re just getting into things, and there’s so many months left to go, but holy fucking shit, Missouri. You want this crown like a dog wants a tennis ball under the couch.

Marquise X. Booker, sophomore linebacker, don’t put up with no motherfucking nonsense in his motherfucking parking lot from people on the motherfucking balcony.

Several residents who were playing video games inside a third-floor apartment complained of loud yelling and shouting coming from outside, Capt. Stephen Monticelli said.

Witnesses reported seeing six black men yelling and arguing from a parking lot with several people on a second-floor balcony.

Monticelli said the argument quickly escalated, and Booker “threatened to light the place up,” went to a car and retrieved a handgun.

Booker is accused of cocking the gun but did not point the weapon at any victims, Monticelli said.

The important news for Tigers fans is that Jeremy Maclin (code name: Weapon M) was queried, but not charged with anything in the incident. Booker, however, was charged with suspicion of unlawful use of a weapon and an underage liquor law violation, a two and one point combo that earns Missouri three more points in the Fulmer Cup. That takes Missouri up to seventeen points, a formidable stack of points in any year’s race. Someone’s gonna have to step up with the rash decision-making and poorly estimated risk/reward typical of 19 year olds to make this thing a race again.

Oh, and Marquise? You’re gonna have to learn to light it up the right way: not with guns and violence…but with an electric jacket and sweet, Germanophilic harmonies, baby.