Albert has exquisite taste in his college football reading:

West Virginia police arrested Noel Devine for a misdemeanor assault charge, meaning Bill Stewart better free up a scholly right quick. (Any fifth year seniors around who’ll never crack the lineup? They’ll do–just make sure they don’t have custodianship of a brother and heavy prior media exposure.) As reader Cincy wrote in:

Associative property in action

Devine is faster than the Sooners.

Police faster than devine.

thus, now the police are faster than my Sooners? DAMMIT!!!

Yes. Fortunately, Oklahoma does not have to play the Morgantown PD Rec Squad yet. If they do opt to schedule them for a game, we recommend that they do it during the regular season, when Oklahoma’s near-automatic, rather than late in the season or during bowl season when Oklahoma enters bat country and the oddity starts.

That’s one point for Devine’s arrest on a misdemeanor assault chargefrom a February incident in a Morgantown night club. Four others were arrested, but it’s unclear whether they’re charged with anything at all, or whether the police are doing what police are wont to do with college kids, which is rounding up a group of them and scaring the shit out of them. (”Your friends will rat you out on the sign-stealing charge! You know they will! We know who stole the traffic cone!)

LSU’s first spring practice was sloppy, with nothing more notable in terms of news than new quarterbacks missing signals and kickers and punters performing well. If you’re looking for rumors, though:

“It is a cold,” Miles said. “I shook hands with the wrong guy.”

Rumorriffic: Is Miles trying to say he agreed on a contract number he didn’t like, since Miles hasn’t actually agreed on a final salary number with LSU? Is he trying to say he just made an irresistible deal with Beelzebub himself? Did he shake hands with Bobby Petrino at one point earlier in the day? Or is he merely suggesting LSU officials are disease-ridden pathogen farms? OR DOES HE SIMPLY HAVE A COLD? We leave you to decide, reader!

USC’s Fulmer Cup points are dropped thanks to charges against defensive tackle Fili Moala being dropped.

Two good bits from Tony Barnhardt’s spring practice review: One:

I talked to some South Carolina people at the Georgia Dome yesterday and they tell me that linebacker Jasper Brinkley (from Thomson) is up to about 270 and that it is all muscle.

My ass. Or we don’t want to believe Jasper Brinkley could get any more hellacious; when South Carolina lost him to injury last year they started giving up thousands of yards on the ground as a defense. At 270, South Carolina could just move him up to the line, drop ten in coverage, and have a fine pass rush with exceptional coverage. However, on rush defense they’d have to move up at least one other guy to shift to a 2-3-6 defense.

And this:

Former Michigan quarterback Ryan Mallett is asking the NCAA to waive its transfer rule in order to be eligible this season at Arkansas. I reached out to some Arkansas folks and they said they don’t know when the ruling will come down. Mallett will not get a waiver.

So Arkansas will, for the moment, have to start a quarterback who can move. Shame.