CURIOUS INDEX, 3/12/08

by Orson on Mar 12, 2008 9:54 AM EDT

As always, thanks Dave.

Get money, Urban. In addition to the boatload of simoleons he receives from endorsements and his base salary, Urban Meyer also has $3.75 million dollars of retention bonuses built into his contract. He also has a clause guaranteeing him $2 million dollar a year if he is fired before the term of his contract is up. We're totally going to work this into our next contract with the Sporting News, though the total will likely be closer to $200 and a 12 pack of Honey Brown delivered to our doorstep for no less than two weeks after the firing.

No pressure. Urban Meyer has none of your petty "good mornings" for Emmanuel Moody.

"I walk by him every day and I don't say hello. I walk by him and say, 'I hope you're really good,' " Meyer said last week at his pre-spring news conference. "I don't know what else to say. I hope he's really, really, really good. I don't know if he is."

Ex-Sooner Tommy Grady came back to Oklahoma for pro day and is stunning teammates with his massiveness. Grady left Oklahoma because Rhett Bomar was going to be the quarterback for rest of time and could be felled by no man, team or scandal except taking thousands of dollars from a car dealer. If the numbers are right, Grady went from 225 as a freshman to 245 pounds of bulginess as a senior, something entirely possible as a young man. Doing this at forty is also totally plausible if the observing party is an idiot and will believe anything, or is your average baseball fan.

Guy Morriss mai be coching thee Kentukee State Thorobreds.

Sample size, dammit! Graphs, numbers, and recruiting services. Warning: analysis of graphs and basic math required. The problem is with sample size, of course, but we understand the limitations of doing a mathematical breakdown of recruiting services: it's difficult, tedious, and boring as shit. That's why cheap, overgeneralizing insults work so, so much better than actual work.

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Urban seems like a swell guy.

by Biggus Rickus on Mar 12, 2008 10:17 AM EDT reply actions

Wow. Honey Brown. I don’t think I’ve had that swill since 1996. They still making it these days or would you get an old, dusty twelve pack that’s been sitting warm in some garage?

by AllWhoYonder on Mar 12, 2008 10:18 AM EDT reply actions

I bought a 6 pack of Blue Moon the other day to take to a partay, and it was sonofabitching $10.50 with the tax. As I was walking out I was like, wait a minute here…did I just pay that much for six beers? And then I actually asked the guy what the price was supposed to be since I assumed there was some mistake. Um…never again?

by Brian on Mar 12, 2008 10:26 AM EDT reply actions

Come on. How good does a running back really have to be to get playing time at Florida?

by BovineKid on Mar 12, 2008 10:33 AM EDT reply actions

I’ve paid over $13 for Samuel Smith four packs. Snobbery has its price.

by Biggus Rickus on Mar 12, 2008 10:34 AM EDT reply actions

O: as if you needed more nightmare fuel — Fulmer’s promised to get Eric Berry into the offense. Snack on that for a bit…let me know how it tastes.

by Aerobab on Mar 12, 2008 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

Moody tried to tell Urban that he was jacked up and ready to compete, but Urban wasn’t quite grasping the angel-like enthusiasm.

by DC Trojan on Mar 12, 2008 10:55 AM EDT reply actions

Biggus – we need to open that Appalachia Foothills prohibition express again. I can get 4 packs of Sam Smith here for around 8, if you could unload them for 13 we may break even on gas.

by Out of Conference on Mar 12, 2008 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

Moody is really, really good. Good enough to be USC’s fifth best running back last year.

by The Humanitarian on Mar 12, 2008 11:19 AM EDT reply actions

OOC,

We’ll have to move a lot of product to be able to afford the drivers and strongarms. I’m not sure Jacksonville is the right market for such an operation.

by Biggus Rickus on Mar 12, 2008 11:24 AM EDT reply actions

Honey Brown?!? Is that what passes for a microbrew in Atlanta? Try any product by Deschutes. Worth every penny.

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 12, 2008 11:37 AM EDT reply actions

At least hold out for a six of Sweetwater 420.

by Bob Hewko on Mar 12, 2008 11:44 AM EDT reply actions

SHELLEY MEYER: Mornin’, honey. Coffee’s already made if you want a cup.

URBAN MEYER: I hope it’s really good. I don’t know if it is.

NICOLE MEYER: Hey, Dad, can you drive me to school today? I have to bring my science project with me, so I don’t want to take the bus.

URBAN MEYER: Sure, but I hope you did a good project. I don’t know what else to say — I hope you’re smart, but I don’t know if you are.

NICOLE MEYER: How could you say something like that?!? (bursts into tears, runs out of the room)

URBAN MEYER: Huh. I hope I didn’t give her a complex by saying that — I mean, I hope she isn’t emotionally scarred or anything, but I don’t know if she is.

by Doug on Mar 12, 2008 11:53 AM EDT reply actions

Meyer’s simply teaching Moody the basics of ESS EEE SEE SHAME. Moody, if you turn out to be a flop, you shame yourself, you shame your team, you shame your family, you shame your High School, you shame your hometown, you shame your County, you shame your State, you shame the South. Pass the cornbread.

by Allahver Fist on Mar 12, 2008 12:01 PM EDT reply actions

AND you make the Baby Jesus weep.

by Mr. Wrong on Mar 12, 2008 12:07 PM EDT reply actions

#11
Why did you have to go and do that? Now Im going to spend the rest of the day craving a Black Butte Porter, even though Im 2,000 miles from the nearest bottle.

shakes fist at fluid job market and the oh so alluring and cheap housing of Dallas

by BennyBeav on Mar 12, 2008 1:35 PM EDT reply actions

When is EDSBS going to lead the charge and begin ranking prep school athletes on there criminal potential, so that we can begin ranking NC2A teams on their success on recruiting for the Fulmer Cup?
Now that could be a stat worth studying…

by Hey Dalton- I thought you'd be bigger... on Mar 12, 2008 1:38 PM EDT reply actions

oops- “their criminal potential”…

by Hey Dalton- I thought you'd be bigger... on Mar 12, 2008 1:39 PM EDT reply actions

There should not be a Kentucky State University, as Kentucky is not a state. Same with Penn State.

God, I’m a massive dork.

by LD on Mar 12, 2008 1:45 PM EDT reply actions

16 – I just had some Obsidian yesterday on a nitros tap. Pure heaven.

The south and midwest are a microbrew wasteland.

Only a few more months til brewfest….mmmmmmmm.

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 12, 2008 3:46 PM EDT reply actions

@ 19 – are you speaking of “massive” as in degree of dork or are you referring to body mass?

and i nerded out on the ol’ sample size… tyvm

by burt77 on Mar 12, 2008 4:07 PM EDT reply actions

LD,
I don’t know if dorkiness is called for, although you are absolutely correct. About Kentucky not being a state, that is. It’s just too much to be called The Commonwealth of Kentucky University Thoroughbreds.

by citiesaregreat on Mar 12, 2008 8:32 PM EDT reply actions