Ghosts of the SWC, rise: Texas A&M and Arkansas will be playing their old Cash Conference rivalry in Jerry Jones’ new digs in 2009. In addition to conjuring up all the spirits of the SWC rivalry, the rematch will give Jones a chance to swing his financial whanger around in front of college football fans, too, who will marvel at the splendor of Jones’ wealth as represented by the planned features of the stadium. These include:

The Corpus Christi River. 100,000 gallons of fresh flowing gravy flowing at unnatural rates from a dramatic cascade in the north endzone.

The Jerry Jones Facial Center. Open for plastic surgery for men, of course. What did you think we meant?

The Jimmy Johnson Men’s Room. Located on the ground floor of the stadium. Includes a diorama and brief exhibit about Johnson’s accomplishments in the franchise, located in stall #4. Easy access from gate 4.

The Tom Landry Museum. Located in Stall #5 of the Jimmy Johnson Men’s Room.


I’m not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance. But Jerry will.

Jones is a graduate of the University of Arkansas and was a captain on their 1964 national championship team, back when little 180 pound white guys could play on the offensive line. He also hired Barry Switzer and Chan Gailey as NFL coaches. That is all.