Massive pre-post HT to Dave, who just went haywire with the coffee and RSS reader this morning.

Iowa boots James Cleveland and Arvell Nelson from the team following their drug-related arrests last week. Hawkeye State wonders if this is the end of the City Boyz, Inc. era at Iowa, and has this tear-inducing video to help you look back on the days of cash money glory gone by.

No, I didn’t see Nick Nolte at the end. Why’d you ask?

Are you faster than Percy Harvin? The answer is no, but if you want to get surrvd in front of a crowd of sixty thousand or so, step up and get wrecked, lawya: Urban Meyer is offering a full scholarship to any Florida student who can beat Percy Harvin, Deonte Thompson, and Louis Murphy in a 40 yard dash at the Orange and Blue Game on April 27.

While full details have yet to be worked out, Meyer said that on Thursdays of spring practices, which begin March 19, strength coaches will be out on the practice fields and students will be invited to come out and train. The entrants will be whittled down to one lucky contestant who will face Harvin, Thompson, Murphy and Rainey in front of a packed Ben Hill Griffin Stadium.

The closer this gets to having an actual Running Man scenario with students fighting flamethrower-wielding athletes for scholarships, the better. We fully support the advent of the post-industrial fascist entertainment state. Just don’t take away my Ow My Ballz!, and we’ll all be fine, mkay?

At Oklahoma State, Interstellar Captain Trooper Taylor reports that Phillip Fulmer’s unusual mass has an easy explanation: the gravity differential on Pluto is just unreal, y’all.

“It’s fun getting back to the spread offense and hearing the formations being called the same way and hearing some of the plays being called the same way,” Taylor said. “It’s like I’m speaking the same language again where before I went to Pluto and I had to learn 3 yards and a cloud of dust again.”

This may also explain Fulmer’s unusual disciplinary methods. He’s not lax–he’s just from Pluto, and they do things a little differently out there. And don’t even bring that mess about Pluto not being a planet, or he’ll get Gene Wojciechowski to write a defense piece attacking the shoddy astronomy behind your findings. (HT: Losers With Socks.)

Joe Pa is vulnerable, according to Donnie Collins. Yeah, whatever. That’s exactly what they said during Boer War, and he came through that just fine.

Colorado’s Kai Malava is moving to fullback, and you better mind your blocking angles: according to teammates, he can hit you so hard, YOU’LL GET UP PREGNANT!!!!111!!!!!!

“It’s going to be vicious,” said Ryan Miller, who also was named a Freshman All-American by The Sporting News in 2007. “I mean, he could pull at guard and now he gets a running start. You better keep your helmet low cause you’re going to get knocked up.”

Travis Henry, who can impregnate with a sly gaze and the purchase of a Cheerwine for your affections, scoffs at the need to actually touch someone to do this.