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CURIOUS INDEX, 3/6/2008


Bobby Petrino's hosting one big hog-hug in Fayetteville:

Petrino on Monday, though, hinted that while he'd love for every Hog he's inherited from the Houston Nutt regime to bond together with their teammates, develop a trust with one another and stick with the new program through what promises to be a strenuous off-season, "we may lose one or two along the way."

The salary cap's a bitch, Bobby. Commence the hog-killin'! And please, no one tell him there's no cap, do not allow him to use a state cellphone, limit all contact between him and anyone he calls his agent. Now given all that: who in the SEC West remains unterrified at the prospect of Petrino's offense in two years, once he "begs Casey Dick to stay" by throwing him in a deep fryer and hitting the recruiting trail for a qb? The man has an almost unparalleled knowledge of how to make 18-22 year old defenders look stupid, meaning he's the offensive version of Kevin Cosgrove, but in a positive sense.

Pete Fiutak still types buckets of words for Fox, and still sometimes says things like...well, like that Pitt will be this year's Kansas.

Pitt: It's time. There's just way too much talent to not have a productive year. Thanks to a few years of the Big East's best recruiting classes, the Panthers have the potential to finally turn the corner with four non-bowl teams to start out the year and with West Virginia, Louisville and Rutgers coming to Heinz Field.

Au contraire: there's never too much talent to make squandering it unavoidable, especially when you're breaking in a new defensive coordinator. And we haven't even discussed the fact that their coach IS DAVE WANNSTEDT, who will look great racking up a 5-0 record early before ordering a Purdue slider down to the 7-5ish Gailey couch of their final record. You don't tell Dave Wannstedt he can't go 7-5, sir. You just don't.

This child and Dana Jacobson would get along like gangbusters, especially if the kid's into public binge drinking. And most three year olds totally are. From SECFootballBlogger's collection of hate videos:

How old is that child? We're scared of old people, children, and amputees, so therefore have no idea. When we're asked if we want to hold babies, we're that asshole who says, "Um, no. I don't know what to do with them, and they make me uncomfortable." Boarding school, Mortimer: they'll raise them for you!

The entire Iowa team is being sent to Gitmo. Well, there's reasons. Remember, though: if you do send them a care package, declare it to the NCAA before doing so lest they get a recruiting violation, but just waterboard the living fuck out of them when you get the urge. It's not torture, and is full of vitamins!

PSU TE Andrew Quarless...suspended. Bill Cowher denies even knowing who Quarless is, and reiterates that he won't be suspending anyone as coach anywhere next season.

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Comments

Display:

A far more fitting punishment for the Iowa football team would be to lock them in a room and force them to watch their entire 2007 season on an endless loop. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to call what they inflicted on the football viewing public terrorism.

by Biggus Rickus on Mar 6, 2008 9:44 AM EST reply actions  

1,
 but while in the visitor’s pink locker room.

by ThreenOut on Mar 6, 2008 9:50 AM EST reply actions  

Biggus… Pam Ward would disagree with you. Without Iowa, where would the 12:04 ESPN2 monotone orgasms come from on Saturday’s?

by beckett929 on Mar 6, 2008 9:52 AM EST reply actions  

if you can’t go to college, go to pitt
if you can’t go to college, go to pitt
if you can’t go to college, if you ain’t got no knowledge
if you can’t go to college, go to pitt

by The Big 11th Blog on Mar 6, 2008 9:53 AM EST reply actions  

Lock ‘em in a room? Hell, lock ’em in the Big House…the foreboding silence of the nation’s quietest 100K facility would be like a panopticon.

by der schatten on Mar 6, 2008 9:53 AM EST reply actions  

it saddens my heart to see such a young child condemning himself to an eternity in hell at such an early age…

by okiedomer on Mar 6, 2008 9:55 AM EST reply actions  

becket929,

They could always insert Michigan State into that slot. Their rank stench of failure would be perfectly suited to Ward’s announcing style, or lack thereof.

by Biggus Rickus on Mar 6, 2008 10:01 AM EST reply actions  

Would I do this to my child? Absolutely. Do I want to kick that father in the balls for doing it to his? Also true.

Then again, that may well have been Pete Carroll, working with one of the beautiful angels that will one day play for the Trojans. It ain’t a recruitin’ violation if they ain’t even in school yet.

by Eirishis on Mar 6, 2008 10:11 AM EST reply actions  

No doubt on the Wannstache. He will attain mediocrity in any league, with any talent.

Anyone able to tell what the baby said after the (twisted) father said “WE ARE” at the end of the video?

by OhioDawg on Mar 6, 2008 10:14 AM EST reply actions  

Patrino will still be on the hill in two years? I’m not sure he’s unpacked yet, or intends to.

by drogue on Mar 6, 2008 10:18 AM EST reply actions  

Indefinitely in State College = until fall practice starts and some stadium cleanup duty. JoePa is such a hardass disciplinarian.

by Crabapple Buck on Mar 6, 2008 10:21 AM EST reply actions  

…ordering a Purdue slider down to the 7-5ish Gailey couch of their final record.

Lovely turn of phrase, Orson. Lovely.

by PeteJayhawk on Mar 6, 2008 10:36 AM EST reply actions  

No way that kid’s older than 2 – and 2 year olds don’t need no purple drank to wreak havoc.

Okiedomer @ 6 – sola scriptura, my good man; he’s still in with a chance no matter what the priests say ; )

Eirish @ 8 – no shirt, dislikes Notre Dame, poor impulse control? I’m thinking this kid is 2028’s Rey Rey, and the Butkus award (heh) is just waiting for him.

But if it was Pete Carroll, he’d be waxing the kid at toddler basketball.

by DC Trojan on Mar 6, 2008 10:39 AM EST reply actions  

heres one for NC State

If you wanna drive a tractor, go to State
If you wanna drive a tractor, go to State
If you wanna drive a tractor, go to State, and you can’t compute a factor
If you wanna drive a tractor, go to State

by Brian on Mar 6, 2008 10:40 AM EST reply actions  

take out that third “go to state” wee, Me fail inglish, thats umpossible.

by Brian on Mar 6, 2008 10:41 AM EST reply actions  

Dave Wannstedt loves five losses like a fat kid loves cake…

by Billy in Baton Rouge on Mar 6, 2008 10:47 AM EST reply actions  

I think Petrino feels comfortable with his post-Dick QB situation.

Not that it matters, we all know he’s taking the Oakland job when Kiffin is mysteriously disappears in a few weeks.

by Jerkwheat on Mar 6, 2008 10:49 AM EST reply actions  

  1. -

Keep in mind one thing – failure is relative. Going 7-5 in the regular season and getting to a bowl game (in Orlando, no less!) set off near-riots, but then again in East Lansing, most anything does.

#14-

That works on ANY State college. Michigan State, NC State…even as we speak, Indiana State and its cadre of fanatics are consolidating their crops!

by Ground0EastLansing on Mar 6, 2008 10:53 AM EST reply actions  

Let me clarify the last thing I said in #18 – I meant riots of jubilation, like when MSU made the Final Four in ’05, not riots of anger, like when MSU lost to North Carolina in the Final Four in ’05.

by Ground0EastLansing on Mar 6, 2008 10:56 AM EST reply actions  

DC Trojan, “sola scriptura”? How very protestant of you…

by AllWhoYonder on Mar 6, 2008 10:59 AM EST reply actions  

Petrino is a master of real estate. “Rent, don’t buy.”

by Raider Red on Mar 6, 2008 11:03 AM EST reply actions  

#4….your comments are somewhat ironic coming from a fan of the world’s largest community college.

by In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff on Mar 6, 2008 11:04 AM EST reply actions  

In other random news, Tressel apparently announced at a fundraiser last night that OSU will be playing a home and home with Tennessee in 2017 and 2018.

I know, it sounds far off now, but in a few years it will still sound far off…

by Pants McPants on Mar 6, 2008 11:10 AM EST reply actions  

AllWhoYonder @ 20 – I can’t help it. Even though I fetched up at a Catholic HS unaware of things like the Lord’s Prayer, the cultural influence of the Church of Scotland was and remains strong – I remain deeply suspicious of incense and open displays of amusement.

by DC Trojan on Mar 6, 2008 11:44 AM EST reply actions  

+100 cocktails to dctrojan for the rare and elusive five-solas-of-protestant-reformation-as-applied-to-college-foobaw snap

however

-100 cocktails to dctrojan for relying on blasphemous doctrines to justify the blasphemous actions of a child – typical trojan barbarianism

by okiedomer on Mar 6, 2008 12:20 PM EST reply actions  

MAC fans (particularly those of the Ohio schools) have long been partial to the following chant:

“Kent read? Kent write? Kent State!”

by Papa Lou BSU on Mar 6, 2008 12:37 PM EST reply actions  

As a person who rarely watches non-SEC games before bowl season (because I don’t have time for that shit), how scared should the SEC West be of Petrino’s arrival?

Did he really do more with less, or did he just benefit from playing in the Big East post VT & Miami’s departure?

I’m not trying to start some SEC vs. the world argument, and I certainly don’t want anything to do with West Virginia, but what’s the real deal on Petrino?

Will his crafty Offensive plans score big on SEC defenses?

I’ll hang up and listen.

by bama_buck on Mar 6, 2008 1:28 PM EST reply actions  

bama_buck

Petrino is entirely responsible for the UL offensive juggernaunt.
Even with 9 returning starters on that side of the ball last year they didn’t measure up to what they had done in the previous years. Even with CUSA talent and playing in that conference, his teams pelted opponents by 50 on a regular basis. Hunter Cantwell as a freshman beat Miami when Brohm was hurt by 30 points 2 years ago, before everyone would admit how badly they sucked…

He’s not getting anything talent wise at Arkansas out of the gate that he had compared to at UL on offense (ie intelligent QB), so there is going to be some adjustment time, but schematically, I’d bet on him over Miles, Nutt, and the rest… the guy finds ways to create matchups and makes it easy on young players… all in all, if I’m betting today, I’m guessing 9-3 his first year…

by beckett929 on Mar 6, 2008 2:00 PM EST reply actions  

So I went from being a reader of EDSBS to getting linked to in back to back days.

I can die a happy blogger.

I love that this kid makes great contact. I also love that Orson made the Dana Jacobson connection. That is why he is Orson and I am not :-) .

by ethanator1088 on Mar 6, 2008 2:23 PM EST reply actions  

okiedomer @ 25 – As long as we’re not talking a net loss of cocktails, I can live with that… but if there had been a loss of cocktails or worse yet you had left me with sacramental wine, there would have been a problem.

(BTW, is it any wonder that so many priests, forced to neck the sacramental wine, like a drop or five of whiskey? I’d be looking for a palate cleanser too…)

by DC Trojan on Mar 6, 2008 4:27 PM EST reply actions  

Chances are, that kid’s Dad’s had to wait until 1996 to see an SC victory. 11 years of frustration as a child will do that to you.

by expat Ohioan on Mar 6, 2008 8:16 PM EST reply actions  

Petrino participated helped kick off the six game beatdwon streak that Bama is curerntly suffering from. Remember when bama had way more talent than auburn and entered the game as a big favorite?….well the offensive coordinator that made Tre Smith into a Iron BowlGreat was Petrino…so yes he can beat bama with less talent.

That kid is around 2..mine is 2 and four months and he looks about the same. ..a 2 year old looks like a giant baby that can do more stuff.

My 4 year old looks just like a miniature 7 year old….

by Gabe on Mar 10, 2008 5:53 PM EDT reply actions  

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