Bobby Petrino’s hosting one big hog-hug in Fayetteville:

Petrino on Monday, though, hinted that while he’d love for every Hog he’s inherited from the Houston Nutt regime to bond together with their teammates, develop a trust with one another and stick with the new program through what promises to be a strenuous off-season, “we may lose one or two along the way.”

The salary cap’s a bitch, Bobby. Commence the hog-killin’! And please, no one tell him there’s no cap, do not allow him to use a state cellphone, limit all contact between him and anyone he calls his agent. Now given all that: who in the SEC West remains unterrified at the prospect of Petrino’s offense in two years, once he “begs Casey Dick to stay” by throwing him in a deep fryer and hitting the recruiting trail for a qb? The man has an almost unparalleled knowledge of how to make 18-22 year old defenders look stupid, meaning he’s the offensive version of Kevin Cosgrove, but in a positive sense.

Pete Fiutak still types buckets of words for Fox, and still sometimes says things like…well, like that Pitt will be this year’s Kansas.

Pitt: It’s time. There’s just way too much talent to not have a productive year. Thanks to a few years of the Big East’s best recruiting classes, the Panthers have the potential to finally turn the corner with four non-bowl teams to start out the year and with West Virginia, Louisville and Rutgers coming to Heinz Field.

Au contraire: there’s never too much talent to make squandering it unavoidable, especially when you’re breaking in a new defensive coordinator. And we haven’t even discussed the fact that their coach IS DAVE WANNSTEDT, who will look great racking up a 5-0 record early before ordering a Purdue slider down to the 7-5ish Gailey couch of their final record. You don’t tell Dave Wannstedt he can’t go 7-5, sir. You just don’t.

This child and Dana Jacobson would get along like gangbusters, especially if the kid’s into public binge drinking. And most three year olds totally are. From SECFootballBlogger’s collection of hate videos:

How old is that child? We’re scared of old people, children, and amputees, so therefore have no idea. When we’re asked if we want to hold babies, we’re that asshole who says, “Um, no. I don’t know what to do with them, and they make me uncomfortable.” Boarding school, Mortimer: they’ll raise them for you!

The entire Iowa team is being sent to Gitmo. Well, there’s reasons. Remember, though: if you do send them a care package, declare it to the NCAA before doing so lest they get a recruiting violation, but just waterboard the living fuck out of them when you get the urge. It’s not torture, and is full of vitamins!

PSU TE Andrew Quarless…suspended. Bill Cowher denies even knowing who Quarless is, and reiterates that he won’t be suspending anyone as coach anywhere next season.