WOOOO!!! EARLY REASSIGNS THE GATOR HATOR TO THE BABY
The Curious Index and the CFBA announcement for Best Prose will be along shortly, but first: WOOOOOO!!! Remember that taiiiihme you punched the teeth outta ya mouth to show them Gators how tough you were?
Squidbillies: made by Georgians who know what they’re talking about here. If that “Gator Hator” hat isn’t sitting atop the heads of some bloody-mouthed UGA fans next season looking for their teeth on the ground, we’ll be sorely, sorely disappointed in you all, sirs and madams. But you do know that in a name-calling war based on redneck cred, Georgia loses in a smoking heap to Florida, right? We’ve got so much more than just the Duck Head-wearing nouveau-riche Panic crowd and the oceans of starchy white trash that Georgia has to offer: switchblade wielding gel-freaks from Miami, bland transplanted midwesterners from Orlando, stoner surfer rednecks from Melbourne, Jacksonville tattoo guys still rocking the Durst fat pants, shot-guzzling Fiero drivers from Tampa, displaced Jerseyites who leave fake tanner residue on white couches…we’ve really got it all. The army of trash Florida can assemble is simply unparalleled.
We’re nastily diverse with it. Early’s head would be spinning.












25
Yeah………that was supposed to be a little bit of self-depricating humor from a Georgia fan.
I will work on writing more expressively.
Glad to send everyone off on a tangent. On that note, I saw Phish at Big Cypress where I met a variety of Florida redneck not listed by Orson; the gator wrastlin’ Seminole. Their chief had part of his hand bit off, true story.
Comment by Raleigh Urbain — March 4, 2008 @ 11:23 am
24
Okie:
Al-ways loook foooor, the union laa-belll
When you are buy-ing that gram o’ crank
…don’t kid yourself the japs would kill us if they ever decided to get in that dope game
Comment by Dawgfish — March 4, 2008 @ 11:20 am
23
*croakies*
Comment by stuart — March 4, 2008 @ 11:17 am
22
#19…ouch.
Kicking a dead man…classy.
That comment made me adjust my craokies.
Comment by stuart — March 4, 2008 @ 11:16 am
21
Allahver, we always called it “Hippier than Thou”. Really came to bear at SCI shows.
Comment by AllWhoYonder — March 4, 2008 @ 11:13 am
20
#16
your post really illustrates the economic debate over globalization occurring right now
you would be in the globalization camp, advocating open trade among the nations, while i would be in the more protectionist camp, advocating american-based small business development, especially in the manufacturing sector
Comment by okiedomer — March 4, 2008 @ 11:04 am
19
#19, robert
It’s called Deader Than Thou Syndrome, and it’s awesome. Also, Panic sucks and God killed Jeff Healey ’cause he’s fucking sick of Michael Houser.
Comment by Allahver Fist — March 4, 2008 @ 11:01 am
18
hippie snobbishness. the highest stage of irony.
Comment by robert — March 4, 2008 @ 10:48 am
17
#12
Don’t forget Bizarro’s Pizza delivery guys. Brevard county: You can surf in the morning and hunt pig in the afternoon. I know I have.
Comment by Scalz1 — March 4, 2008 @ 10:38 am
16
#9
cooking your own drugs is redundant with the Port of Miami right down the road. Bringing quality yay right to your doorstep, no need for country crack
Comment by Dawgfish — March 4, 2008 @ 10:29 am
15
refer to point number five if you click the above link, btw.
Comment by Brian — March 4, 2008 @ 10:28 am
14
I didn’t want to have to break this out…but you all left me no choice…I couldn’t find the original post of this, but here it is mirrored by some tech kids:
http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gtg740h/badical/coolandtough.shtml
Comment by Brian — March 4, 2008 @ 10:26 am
13
the real difference between Phish and Panic is the number of Northeast frat boys eating mushrooms for the first time and picking fights with the dreadheads and trustafarians. Well, that and the number of guitarists on stage.
MiseanAuFan, so which has the higher quality? Judging from your scholastic affinity (and geography), I’d say Panic.
Comment by AllWhoYonder — March 4, 2008 @ 10:16 am
12
“stoner surfer rednecks from Melbourne”
How did you know, really? That is an amazingly accurate representation of all of the people in my high school class who went to UF (myself included). The rest are drywallers, roofers and TJ Maxx cashiers.
Comment by Kerwin4two — March 4, 2008 @ 10:10 am
11
sweet hippy snap, #10
talk about bad vibes…
Comment by okiedomer — March 4, 2008 @ 9:59 am
10
“#5 - what is the difference between Panic and Phish? The quality of the weed?”
Replace “weed” with “musicians.”
Comment by MiseanAuFan — March 4, 2008 @ 9:53 am
9
“the Duck Head-wearing nouveau-riche Panic crowd”
allsome
uga was one of the 127 law schools i applied to - on the application form, it asked “1. how bushy is your hair? 2. how many panic shows have you been to?”
true story.
#6 phish is, like, a totally heady crunchy groove, while panic is, like, more of a crunchy heady groove, braaaaaaaaaaaaah
and orson, while i fully respect the white trash diversity of florida, i’d be remiss if i didn’t note that we here in oklahoma lead both florida and georgia in one vitally important white trash statistic: number of meth-cooking induced trailor explosions - some call it a plague; i call it a byproduct of entrepreneurship
Comment by okiedomer — March 4, 2008 @ 9:48 am
8
If you’re still wearing red pants and like Phish, it’s likely you’re too young to have ever seen them live*.
Spreadnecks simply are douchebags searching for something more cooly intense than Dave Matthews.
*2000 or earlier, not the Trey Is Too Fucked Up comeback.
Comment by Allahver Fist — March 4, 2008 @ 9:46 am
7
Orson, I think you got the gay gene
Comment by LarryMunson'sHead — March 4, 2008 @ 9:41 am
6
#5 - what is the difference between Panic and Phish? The quality of the weed?
Comment by Brian — March 4, 2008 @ 9:36 am
5
“Duck Head-wearing nouveau-riche Panic crowd”
That, sir, cuts to the bone. But inaccurately.
Many of us are members of the red pant-wearing yuppy Phish crowd. So like I said, the bone.
Comment by Raleigh Urbain — March 4, 2008 @ 9:27 am
4
I think you led with Miami for a reason. We all know it’s a totally non-redneck carveout.
Comment by OhioDawg — March 4, 2008 @ 9:22 am
3
When I saw that on Adult Swim the other night, I simply lost it. You’ve always known that Early was a Dawg. But never have I seen such a wonderfully accurate capturing of Dawg Nation.
“Herschel Walker Cuyler Them Dawgs Is Hell Don’t They”
Comment by Allen — March 4, 2008 @ 9:10 am
2
Sir, you only get those kind of arms from giving ferocious hand jobs.
Comment by Orson Swindle — March 4, 2008 @ 9:08 am
1
Loving the SEC “I’m more of a redneck than you” bit. You guys won’t concede in ANYTHING to a rival, even who’s got more lame fans. BTW, you forgot to mention ‘chicks with fat arms.’
Comment by Brian — March 4, 2008 @ 9:07 am