CFBAS: FUNNIEST BLOG

The funniest blog really isn't that difficult; like hotness, it's a subjective scale weighted toward one end, for the most part, with those being funny obviously being very, very funny (Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock, e.g.), and those who aren't being obviously unfunny in every way (Alec Baldwin as your dad, say, for example).

That Alec Baldwin: the crazy fictional one, that is.

The choice was similarly overweighted this year, as the panel had to pick through nominations to find those properly blending sport and funny, and doing so in an outstanding and consistently wondrous manner. Two blogs clearly sailed above the rest in this department.

Runner-up: Black Heart, Gold Pants. Iowa sucking this year helped fuel the bitter farce fire they stoked all year long, but BHGP went above and beyond the call of duty this year. JoePa meets Fergie is worth its weight in gold, um...pants.

And the winner is...

Hey, Jenny Slater. Chancellor of the Sexchequer Doug Gillett and his fine website span many, many different topics--pinko Doug's been writing plenty of political posts lately--but he's a Dawg from the soles to the tips of his mangy hipster ears, and his football writing is savage, quick, and witty to a non-cornpone degree we thought impossible in a heterosexual UGA grad. Despite his wit and rapid-fire pen, he does prefer to sleep with women, and he does prefer to write in ridiculously tight prose loaded with guffaw-worthy snark.

Here's looking at you, Doug.

There's much to nominate, but Doug really won for this:

By now I'm sure you've all seen the above video in which Tom Cruise flaps his gibs for nine and a half minutes about . . . well, nothing in particular. I mean, ostensibly it's about Scientology and how ZOMG AWESOME it is to be part of it, but round about a minute and a half in it's pretty much just Cruise on autopilot, talking to hear himself talk, luxuriating in the aroma of his own metaphorical farts, with the occasional maniacal laughter or Creepy Face thrown in like some kind of bad Bond villain. I was halfway expecting some long pause after the end of Cruise's speech, after which this timid voice offscreen says, "Dude, all I asked was whether you were still into the Scientology thing, and where the bathroom is."

At any rate, it's all the proof you could still need that Cruise is so crazy shithouse rats won't even hang out with him, and they were playing the audio on one of the sports-talk stations here in town the other day and laughing hysterically. The question was posed as to which American football coach is most likely to be a Scientologist, and one guy said Mike Martz (formerly of the St. Louis Rams) and another said Mike Leach (currently with Texas Tech), but I'd go with Urban Meyer. The creepy stare, the secretive operation, the questionable recruiting tactics . . . if he's not an OT III yet, he's at least been audited.

For that and throwing a toaster oven out of his window in the name of football, Doug earns our funniest blog award. Congrats, sir. You have reached clear status in our eyes--use it well.

Next up: Joel with "Funniest Youtube". Whoever made that Saban video is an idiot.