EDSBS CUSTOM COCKTAILS: THE PAC-10
by Orson on Feb 29, 2008 11:30 AM EST
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PrintOur custom cocktails by conference for your relaxing off-season,beginning with the conference of smooth, the Pac-10.
UCLA: The Gin Rick-ey. Take one waterproof M-80 with custom dry-sealed eight foot fuse and set in bottom of highball glass. Cover with ice, 1 1/2 ozs gin, a splash of lime juice, and club soda. Light fuse. Garnish with lime, enjoy. Wait for it to blow up in your face.
Cal: The Tedford Falls Saving and Loan. Fill highball glass with ice, then add 1 1/2 ozs generic Tussin. Top with 18 year old Sherry Cask-aged Macallan Scotch. The initial taste should be one of great potential; the finish should leave you nauseated and disturbed, as if you were white water rafting with Kevin Bacon.
Wazzu: The Pullman Sleeper. Make a double-tall vodka and tonic with mid to low grade hooch. Don't bother to mix it. Hide it in a very difficult to find place in the bar, and then make people look for it. (Like Wazzu football, it's in a hard to find place, and once you get there, the quality's about average.)
The glass half...full, isn't it grasshopper?Washington: The Willingham Paradox. Fill a glass with any dark liquor, and only fill it halfway. If your guest asks for more, explain that you already gave them what you had, and that the other bartender left you with only so much to pour from the bottle. If they complain it is half-empty, ask them "Are you sure it isn't half-full?" and arch your eyebrow sagely. If they don't like the drink at all, accuse them of not liking it because of its color.
Arizona: The Tuscon Two-Stepper. Just like a Tequila Sunrise, but include five ounces of Visine to ensure steady, debilitating loss for the consumer.
Oregon: The Screaming Swoosh. Add 8 oz Blue Curacao to neon-lined 64 oz chalice. Fill remainder with magnum of Moet Champagne. Watch and ooh as the color changes to a screaming green, and charge to Phil Knight.
Stanford: the Long Island Iced Tree. Mix eight expensive liquors into a single glass. Drink 12 in a row. Throw against wall, cry, repeat in exactly eight months.
Arizona State: The Fun Devil. Standard Bloody Mary recipe, but float 3 oz of 181 rum on top, ignite, and garnish with hard-boiled egg for added protein and drinking endurance. It's the drink that burns twice! Goes especially well with golf cart rides into volcanoes.
USC: The Godberry Doggfather. Combine Hennessy and PowerThirst Godberry Flavor in a Gatorade barrel in order to win at drinking and therefore, like Pete Carroll says, win forever.
Oregon State: The Beaver. Combine 4 oz Clam Juice with high-quality organic American whisky. Stir with spruce sprig, and garnish with sardines. We could go nowhere else with this beverage but in this direction, and you knew we were snakes when you picked us up, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU???
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Good Stuff.
But 181 rum? I guess it is possible, I remember getting some 190 proof in Germany one time, but were you thinking of 151?
by oc phil on Feb 29, 2008 11:49 AM EST reply actions
I was thinking you were going to forget the whole race thing on Washington till the end. Great save.
by ThreenOut on Feb 29, 2008 11:50 AM EST reply actions
Oddly enough, as an ASU freshman, that sounds strangely similar to what I had last night.
by Jardine on Feb 29, 2008 12:00 PM EST reply actions
I like this from the Carroll link:
“Everybody in our program is in a relentless pursuit for a competitive edge.”
Isn’t that what led to all of these baseball hearings?
by Biggus Rickus on Feb 29, 2008 12:00 PM EST reply actions
That robotussin song is fabulous.
“I’m tripping like Jesus in the desert when he fasted.”
by Signal to Noise on Feb 29, 2008 12:18 PM EST reply actions
Notre Dame doesn’t play that shit, they just drink Holy Water.
by Brian on Feb 29, 2008 12:33 PM EST reply actions
Kansas drinks Corn liquor mixed with sunflower wine and three packets of dehydrated turkey gravy.
by Brian on Feb 29, 2008 12:37 PM EST reply actions
As a matter of fact I think I was drinking that exact Cal drink after Big Game…albeit with gasoline in place of the Tussin. (Don’t waste the purple drank on 6-6, lawya.)
by VandyJ on Feb 29, 2008 12:49 PM EST reply actions
heh… I can’t wait to hear what they have in store for the Big XII.
by Cincy on Feb 29, 2008 12:50 PM EST reply actions
The Me-Angelo WF’nV Fizz:
Spend millions on custom-built mansion -
Fill fridge with $4 Andre.
by NRBQ on Feb 29, 2008 12:52 PM EST reply actions
The desciption of the Gin rick-ey really has me in the mood for a Mojito now.
by John on Feb 29, 2008 1:08 PM EST reply actions
f’n hilarious. can’t wait for the SEC dranks.
on a side note, has anyone seen the preview for that bobby bowden movie on the internets?
by Jmuthaf'nT on Feb 29, 2008 1:25 PM EST reply actions
Re: Other conference cocktails—we knocked a few out back in August, but yes…plan to hit the other conferences throughout the offseason.
by Holly on Feb 29, 2008 1:32 PM EST reply actions
For South Carolina, might I suggest a tumbler of Fighting Cock, with a shot of chicken curse blood, and a splash of Lou Holtz spittle we can blame the bad taste in our mouths for.
by Out of Conference on Feb 29, 2008 1:55 PM EST reply actions
- RE: Bowden movie preview. At 1:22 in you get a (swallows vomit) Jen Sterger and her merry band of whores cameo.
by Brian on Feb 29, 2008 2:02 PM EST reply actions
Loved the Ricky, but as an OSU alum, I found the cocktail wasn’t really that insightful, unless it was 1997. I think a better one would have been:
Take one glass of Australian Red Wine and float a shot of Everclear on top. Add a match.
A drink that starts off like a barn fire and finishes smooth, -but that burn taste never really leaves you.
by Dave on Feb 29, 2008 2:03 PM EST reply actions
So WVU, the Flammable Futon? 1 shot jager, 1 shot whiskey, 1 shot pure animal rage, light on fire, drink, go hunting .
by AgnosticTheocrat on Feb 29, 2008 2:43 PM EST reply actions
Everyone knows willingham only drinks chocolate milk
by crazy tom on Feb 29, 2008 2:53 PM EST reply actions
The Mack: Open a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon.Sip slowly and savor because it will be another 10 years before we get to open another bottle in celebration.
by bevo on Feb 29, 2008 9:10 PM EST reply actions
in memphis we still drink colt 45, but always with an actual colt 45
by the grinman on Jun 4, 2008 4:50 PM EDT reply actions
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