EL SINGLE WING…
…explained by the e’er sage SMQ.
See? It’s just that simple.
February 28, 2008
DUDE, IT’S THE SMACK WAGON
Of all the things we loathe about sports culture in the United States, it’s the enshrinement of “smack.” First, to steal our favorite word for heroin is a shame, since “smack” is an inherently funny word used in overwrought heroin dramas and blaxploitation flicks. For Jim Rome to take it to the masses and rebrand it as a form of discourse used IN ALL CAPS SEACREST OUT (that’s tight, broseph, tight) remains a fucking shame.
You’ll never take smack away from us, nor the glorious comedies it inspires.
Two, smack and smack-talkers off the field suck, and suck at what they do for the most part. A little convivial ribbing? Acceptable. A well-tuned jab and skillful riposte? Excellent. Bellowing in a parking lot at a total stranger? Well, legally that’s just assault, and if you’re going to do it, you may as well get the red-mist blood flowing and throw a drunken punch or two before you get pulled apart by your friends, who you’re lucky were there “or the Beast would have taken over, man, and I don’t want that to happen again.”
Three: Jim. (Four minutes of silence.) Rome.
Yeah, but fuck all that, cause the SMACK WAGON is comin’ your way, brah!
At each stop, the RV is giving away t-shirts and mini-footballs, meeting with student groups, distributing fliers, participating in radio promotions, attending university games and generating overall excitement. Garrity and other MSL staff, including former NFL All-Pro Chuck Muncie (a partner with MSL), are traveling with the RV.
“All of these schools are in it to win, so the competition is incredible,” says Garrity. “We expect it to become especially fierce as text votes begin coming in and the schools’ running tallies of tickets sold get posted.”
Text votes make me wanna fight like a brave! The promo is part of the Fox Sports/Big Ten Network’s Gridiron Bash, a series of college football kickoff concerts including:
–Fergie
–Maroon 5
–The Black Crowes
–Dwight Yoakam.
If you happen to be a college student longing to seduce your best friend’s mother, your train done come in, son. Five margaritas, a Fergie show, and two hours of sustained attention should be enough to convince her to play a little modern day Emma Bovary adventure with you.
CURIOUS INDEX, 2/28/08
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Good: Fighting on Bourbon Street. Better: Fighting poorly on Bourbon Street. Best: getting shoved around by a tiny little UGA girl after getting repeatedly pwned by a Georgia fan who tosses you to the ground several times in a row. (We opted, per a request, to take this video down. In its place, we give you the underwater fight scene from Top Secret. Apologies.) The Auburn fan in questions baffles us: he doesn’t throw a punch, doesn’t really even attempt to fight, doesn’t even really attempt to score. Oh, wait, he’s just internalized Al Borges’ 2007 offense. That answers all of our questions nicely. (DAMMIT THREE POINTS! THREE FUCKING POINTS! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR, CRUEL GOD?) Arizona State is looking to extend the contract of Dennis Erickson with a one-year contract extension, meaning that they not only understand Dennis Erickson’s talent as a coach, they also understand his attention span. If they’re especially wise, they’ll have little fidgety things like Kooshes and stress balls all over the table when they begin negotiations. TCU is so banged-up they’re moving practice back to give people time to heal. This may happen to EDSBS after we go to cover the first weekend of mad wagering in Las Vegas for the NCAA tourney, since caffeine+alcohol+blogging+gambling+the city that sleep forgot=multiple possible sprains of the ACL, medulla oblongata, and soul. Picture Me Rollin’ looks at 40 times in the combine by conference and comes to a conclusion about the Crimson Tide in recent years: they’re quantifiably slower than other SEC teams. Finally, EDSBS Live is not dead. We’re just learning how to use the new NowLive interface today, and getting all three people in the same place to do so is a challenge indeed. Your weekly dose of high-end profanity and football will return shortly, with all-new fresh added suck and rank amateurism. |
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BROTHERS FOREVER
The soundtrack for this post, and oh you’ll find out why:
Miami Northwestern High sent 283 players to the Miami Hurricanes this year. (Perhaps that number is high, but we’ll stand by it, dammit. You have to take a stand.) Of those, four seemed to be a package deal not only in football, but in…um…everything.
DT Marcus Forston is happy to be with his fellow Miami Northwestern freshmen teammates Sean Spence, Jacory Harris and Aldarius Johnson at UM.
He says the four of them are close.
Very close.
“Everyone says we’re like quadruplets,” Forston said. “Every day everybody sees us together. We take a shower together, go to class together, do everything together. We wait for the shower to clear out, go in there and talk. We go to the bathroom together, everything. So that’s the bond we need this year.”
The team that shits together, stays together–as long as they washed those hands first.
It’s just astonishing, really. We’ve been married for a long, long time, and even now catbox time is strictly one cat at a time. Perhaps a change in diet is in order, or the purchase of a love toilet: grumpies that require the assistance of not one, but three other men aren’t mere medical issues: they’re matters of national security. It’s the South Florida diet, so Cuban triple-stack carbs may be to blame, since it’s one of the few places where you’ll be given rice, plaintains, and bread in a single meal.
(HT: The Great Barstoolio.)
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