Le Big Board for the week, brought to you as always by Brian, who is hung like Reggie F’n Nelson. Notes and clarifications follow.

Notes, clarifications, and blatant affronts to logic and good sense.

Missouri is the tiger in your tank this week–your holding tank, that is, since the vandalism case of Zachary Wayheart puts them at a firm but not unassailable lead in the Fulmer Cup point race.

But Tennessee pushes for their birthright this week with the arrest of Britton Colquitt (AKA Colquitt 4823293 Model P-234) on DUI charges. The concern is that Tennessee may have exceeded their threshold for the season with one big early rush, and are now depleted of mischief energy. We keed! They’re obviously the Obama of this campaign: a hair behind, but pushing with the wind at their backs.

Kansas picks up three points with a pair of incidents we failed to report. As always, we blame society and post-Orange Bowl giddiness for their points.

Still missing: Miami, Arizona State, Marshall…all classics without an entry thus far. If you’re looking to hedge bets on a strong riser, take bids on any of them. Oh, and Florida, especially given the lack of weed and FnDC arrests thus far. Gainesville will burp a few up before the end. We can feel in in our scales, man.