The Auburner has this year’s crop of Valentine’s Day cards, and they’re marvelous as usual. Be sure to complete the Auburn V-Day ritual by giving your main squeeze a coupon for four points off two safeties in the third quarter, a hug with a Bobby Lowder Limited Edition Victorionox Knife In the Back, and then jump sideways into their knee and claim it was accidental.
Our favorite:
Note that last one? Do ya, huh? See what they’re doing there? Eh?
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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1
TIGERinATL says:
Obviously this is a dead horse, and I know it will truly never stop. But when will the chop block jabs end?
Are we to assume CTT and Hugh Nall have been coaching college football together for over a decade and all of a sudden decided to start playing dirty or just now got caught (after how many nationally televised games?)? I guess it’s just plain silly to assume a true freshman could actually mess up on a blocking assignment and go low when he was supposed to go high, right?
Yes, I know it was twice this year – but zero since these two started working together at Ole Miss in 1997 says something as well.
/rant
February 14th, 2008 at 11:03 am
2
Rival says:
Is the Auburner guy related to Dr. Greg Burns or Dave “The Zinger” Clinger?
oooooh, ya burn!!!
zing!
February 14th, 2008 at 11:05 am
3
bamafanintigerland says:
Two interceptions in the end zone before halftime…two game changing plays. ho hum….
February 14th, 2008 at 11:07 am
4
89tiger says:
New rules coming out on chop blocks.
Auburn will still reward helmut thickers for this integral component of the o-line scheme.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:12 am
5
ThreenOut says:
Princess Toadhottie alert.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:14 am
6
kleph says:
“Obviously this is a dead horse, and I know it will truly never stop. But when will the chop block jabs end?”
when they stop doing them.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:25 am
7
gurn says:
Which cupcake is that team on the far right of the card?
Oh. Wait. It’s Alabama. Right.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:29 am
8
Brian says:
George Tech Valentine’s day card:
“My Johnson knows your the best option!”
Hooray for being low brow.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:30 am
9
Unhappy Monkey says:
It’s always silly to assume, rube.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:31 am
10
Crabapple Buck says:
TIGERinATL
Its like we tell the Michigan fans – The beatings will continue until morale improves.
In other words, like Kleph alluded to, stop chop blocking.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:32 am
11
Ground0EastLansing says:
What? No Temple?
February 14th, 2008 at 11:37 am
12
Biggus Rickus says:
Georgia related:
If you feel like loving me
If you’ve got the Knowshon
I second that emotion
February 14th, 2008 at 11:39 am
13
Tater Salad says:
HAHAHA THOSE GUYS ON THAT WEBSITE PUT ALABAMA IN WITH SOME SHITTY TEAMS ON A CARD!! CALLING THEM CUPCAKES WHICH I AM ASSUMING REFERS TO THE TERM CUPCAKE MEANING AN EASY TEAM!!11! HAHAHA LOLZ HAHAHA ROFLMAO!!!!
February 14th, 2008 at 11:40 am
14
TIGERinATL says:
Got it.
Freshmen linemen always get the blocking assignment right and 10+ years of clean play/coaching doesn’t speak to one’s ethics.
Thank you all so much for clearing that up.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:43 am
15
Dinknflicka says:
Assuming Lowder’s Victorinox is a Swiss Army knife, what other implements would he have at his disposal in addition to the back-stabber? A universal jet key? A crow bar to separate his female offspring from coaches named Bowden? A blow gun with poisoned dart labeled “CTT?”
February 14th, 2008 at 11:48 am
16
TIGERinATL says:
#15
a money clip
February 14th, 2008 at 11:52 am
17
John says:
Are Auburn players going to have to take their cleats off and stick out their big toe after winning the 2012 game?
February 14th, 2008 at 11:53 am
18
MiseanAuFan says:
“HAHAHA THOSE GUYS ON THAT WEBSITE PUT ALABAMA IN WITH SOME SHITTY TEAMS ON A CARD!! CALLING THEM CUPCAKES WHICH I AM ASSUMING REFERS TO THE TERM CUPCAKE MEANING AN EASY TEAM!!11! HAHAHA LOLZ HAHAHA ROFLMAO!!!!”
You’re right, instead of Alabama, they should have put La-Monore. Oh wait, nevermind.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:54 am
19
Brian says:
#15 – Jets don’t have keys, you may be surprised to find out. You have to leave the door open or you can’t get in. And there’s no starter key.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:54 am
20
Excuse me Stewardess, but I speak jive says:
#12- niiiice.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:57 am
21
Tater Salad says:
Biggus:
Outstanding.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:59 am
22
D L says:
“TIGERinATL
Its like we tell the Michigan fans – The beatings will continue until morale improves.”
W 1/1/2008 vs. Florida (9-4) 41 35 @ Orlando, FL Capital One Bowl
W 9/2/2006 vs. Vanderbilt (4-8) 27 7
W 1/1/2003 vs. Florida (8-5) 38 30 @ Tampa, FL Outback Bowl
L 1/1/2002 vs. Tennessee (11-2) 17 45 @ Orlando, FL Citrus Bowl
W 1/1/2001 vs. Auburn (9-4) 31 28 @ Orlando, FL Citrus Bowl
W 1/1/2000 vs. Alabama (10-3) 35 34 @ Miami, FL Orange Bowl
W 1/1/1999 vs. Arkansas (9-3) 45 31 @ Orlando, FL Citrus Bowl
Yes, the beatings have been brutal.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
23
Anonymous IV says:
I see Victorinox but what I really want to see is Vercingetorix.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
24
mp says:
stupid barners are just jealous of our recent National Championship
February 14th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
25
robert says:
Gallic Wars references…nice.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
26
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
World Record Dept:
23 posts and not a “Nick Saban does not have time for this bull@#%” crack.
Must be a world record.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
27
Xaryn says:
South Florida isn’t on that card….
/ponder
February 14th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
28
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
ND Bashing Dept:
That card would have been funnier if there would have been a picture of a Domie in there somewhere.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
29
TIGERinATL says:
#26 – USF isn’t a cupcake to anyone.
#27 – AU hasn’t played ND (ever I think)
February 14th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
30
Crabapple Buck says:
D L @ 22
I see reading comprehension is not the strong suit in Michigan. I was referring to tOSU domination of UM since the arrival of the vest. Nice record vs. the SEC though. If tOSU had that success we would have had one or two more MNC’s.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
31
Rando says:
@ 17
We Auburners might start counting with toes, but that’s just to show bammers how they can count past ten…
February 14th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
32
NewAZTiger says:
Chop Block Posse!!!
Keepin’ Ortho’s in Bidness since 2007.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
33
Orson Swindle says:
Again, comment #32 shows why NewAZTiger runs this shit.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
34
robert says:
Chop Block Posse is also a new Cash Money compilation.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
35
haybeav says:
Nick Saban does not have time for this shit
February 14th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
36
Keith Hodges says:
Time to return to obscurity, Awbrin. The perfect storm that lead to your “prominence” (see “People’s National Champions”) on the national stage has blown over.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
37
NRBQ says:
Biggus -
Got anything for Washaun yet?
58 TD’s, 11YPC – “My God, he’s just a junior!” (in high school).
February 14th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
38
TIGERinATL says:
#36
Skarbinski had a good line in the Birmingham News the other day:
“The 2004 Auburn football team won the People’s National Championship, for going 13-0, and Alabama fans laughed and talked smack.
The 2008 Alabama football program won the Paper National Championship, for signing the top recruiting class, and Alabama fans again are laughing and talking smack.
There can be only one explanation for this.
Alabama fans love to laugh and talk smack.”
February 14th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
39
NewAZTiger says:
#36 – Obscurity? #13 all-time wins, and it would’ve been higher had we chop blocked Glen Dorsey back in the 1970s.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
40
Biggus Rickus says:
NRBQ,
Every move you make
Every breath you take
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be Washaun you
Too stalkery for Valentine’s Day?
February 14th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
41
NRBQ says:
Or,
Every score you make,
Every hand-off you take,
Every move you fake,
etc……
(had to stop myself)
February 14th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
42
Mosby says:
Tennessee Tech has some badass unis. That’s all I got.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
43
ChemE93 says:
The chop block jokes continue because:
1.) They were high profile (largely because CBS went indescribably ape shit over it)
2.) People looking for reasons to bash Auburn, because that’s what rival fans do.
The fact that there were plenty of other called and uncalled chop blocks (including about 87 by OU in the Fiesta Bowl) throughout the season doesn’t matter. The fact that there’s no way to rationalize it was coached doesn’t matter. To think they will stop “when the chop blocks stop” is silly.
They will stop when the joke gets old. (As you can see, even the Nick Saban/shit joke is wearing thin.) To that end, Auburn fans should follow NewAZTiger’s lead and make chop block jokes their own. Run that bitch into the ground.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
44
NewAZTiger says:
ChemE93, I’m on my way to your house right now with Chaz Ramsey and Lee Ziemba. We’re going to Chop Block you, and your fake plastic plant. Happy Valentine’s Day.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
45
imisscollege says:
#44
You should take Key Ramsey with you. All your ACL is belong to us.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
46
Word says:
yeah… going ape shit over the chop blocks CAN’T have anything to do with the fact that they were OBVIOUS AS HELL.
and for the record, I have yet to come into contact with any Auburn bashers other than Bama fans. for what it’s worth…
February 14th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
47
ChemE93 says:
NewAZTiger, I will spear the shit out of you if you try something like that. Then I’ll chop block your poodle.
That’s just how us Aubie’s roll.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
48
IrishguyKY says:
The nick saban not having “time for this shit” joke has not gotten old yet…
yet…. being the key word.
a well timed Saban/shit joke is priceless
February 14th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
49
NewAZTiger says:
I’ll chop-block your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
50
Mr Pelican Pants says:
I tried to go get coffee this morning and two Barners not only chop blocked me, once I got up for the next play, they pulled the ol’ 3 stooges move where ” one barner gets on all fours behind the knees of the victim, and the other guy simply pushes the victim backwards over the barner, kinda like a Double Double chop block….then they did this like 6 times in a row……til I recruited some more help, then the Barners went and called in talk radio shows telling them the help I got they didnt want. or even need…….
February 15th, 2008 at 12:51 am
51
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Actually, they should bring back the Chop Block and the Crack-Back, since they are making the game shorter and all……lets go all old school and just get the Tear Away jerseys…..that way you have to have eyes on your knees and in the back of your head, and no fair catch rule either, thats bullshit……whats more fun than running full speed at a guy standing still trying to catch a ball and you can knock him senseless whether he has the ball or not, kinda like hockey
February 15th, 2008 at 12:56 am
52
NewAZTiger says:
They should also bring back Milli Vanilli.
Who cares if one of them is dead? It’s never stopped Alabama.
February 15th, 2008 at 8:23 am
53
ChemE93 says:
Pelican Pants, I love that blocking scheme. I’ll have to call Coach Nall and have Auburn implement it immediately. Before long, defensive line coaches will be teaching their players to hold their hands in front of their face to avoid the Moe Eye Poke (TM, Virginia Tech’s defense).
Hey, NewAZTiger — so what’s that make us?
February 15th, 2008 at 9:08 am
54
JohnInHuntsville says:
“Freshman linemen yada yada yada……………….”
Whhhiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……………..
Keep spinnin.
February 15th, 2008 at 9:25 am
55
MiseanAuFan says:
^^Bama chop blocked Dorsey, too. If you watched the game on TV, they showed a replay in slo-mo, and the commentators even mentioned it.
February 15th, 2008 at 9:44 am
56
Kenny says:
NewAZTiger: 1000 cocktails … and knee braces for your efforts here.
February 15th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
57
SpookyJuice says:
Hey….Fuck you buddy!
February 16th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
58
Joshua says:
When referring to Chaz (who in the blue fuck names their kid/proudly goes by the name Chaz) Ramsey, please use his proper name, Dorsey’s little prison bitch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-LkCvNK2iM
You sit when you piss, bitch!!!!!!!
February 18th, 2008 at 9:03 am