GEORGIA LICENSING: COFFINS ARE A GO

Georgia and Georgia Tech fans are now free to go ahead and bury themselves in whatever trademark coffin they like, thanks to a minor tweak of the licensing rules for Georgia University System schools. It could be argued that Georgia's been burying Georgia Tech in their uniforms for years now, but they were doing it unofficially and against the expressed rules of the university. Now they can do it for real: licensed, legal, and undoubtedly expensive:

The Board of Regents Wednesday re-visited a decades-old policy banning the use of college logos on burial items like coffins or urns, allowing fans to bring their love for their alma maters into the hereafter. A Macon-based business, Collegiate Memorials, asked the Regents to loosen the rules and after a closer look at other states' policies, members of the board relented.

The ban was part of a policy written in 1982, that prohibited logos on burial items, sex toys and alcoholic beverages, among others.

The real shame is that other university systems probably have the same rules keeping college football fans from enjoying the sex toys of their choice. With such rich names and tradition around, the territory is just ripe for a savvy marketeer. For example:

--The Jackie Sherrill Anal Dilator: If the NCAA is coming, why not make it easy on yourself with this fine stainless steel aid.

--The Oregon State Eager Beaver: the pocket pleaser that's never a teaser straight from Reser!

--The Rocky Topper: the multipurpose tool for both sexes. Half-bear and half-cat, it's all for the animal in you!

--The Yellow Jackette: The ideal high-tech, yellow and black striped pleasure baton for the high-tech lady in your life. Early adopters and next-gen types love it!

--The Mike Seven: Hold that tiger...with both hands! A surefire champion for size queens everywhere, this monster's big enough for even the most intimidating Death Valley.

--The SebAsstian: This Ibis-shaped wife wand will keep "U" in shape no matter how you decide to use it.

--The Golden Gopher: its powerful burrowing action ensures you'll never go digging for a another toy again!

--The Washington "Husky": For those who favor girth, you can't go wrong with the Husky.

--The Eastern Carolina Pirate: Four D-cell batteries, 23 separate LEDs, 8 moving parts, a durable Tensagrip handle, and genuine Buccaneer design ensure that no matter how far you plunge into the Outer Banks, you'll keep hauling in the booty like a real pirate!


Yarr.

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