NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU LIKE I DO! NO ONE!

Country lovin' is fierce lovin'; hence the fierce emotions governing such things as NASCAR, loyalty to American car brands, and other things you can get the pitchfork and torch crowd riled up about. If you wonder what we mean by that: the people in the village who show up to kill Frankenstein with torches and pitchforks? Those people, who were told by the sensible people to go chase the monster to some place called "America." That's the torch and pitchfork crowd, and the last time we were a card-carrying member came with the last few weeks of the [NAME REDACTED] administration, when would have happily carried the rail so long as it had one very, very enthusiastic and energetic B-grade coach on it promising improvement the whole time.

Grrrr! Ahhhh!

West Virginia police are investigating death threats by the P 'n T Krue ("Monster!") against Rich Rodriguez.

According to the report by columnist Mitch Vingle, Monongalia County, W.Va., Sheriff Joseph C. Bartolo said his office is indeed investigating the situation.

"We're now checking into it," Bartolo told the newspaper. "We've had information faxed to us by the [West Virginia] state police and FBI. I'm giving it to my investigative unit."

Bartolo called the forwarded information "very vague" but said Lt. Walter Fumich would head an investigation.

Oh, Lord/Jebus/Cthulu/Buddha/Charles Bronson, please don't let this lead back to a message board. Please, please, please not. Because what fan hasn't, at one point threatened to drop a safe on a particular coach? An open safe filled with irradiated scorpions, each given their own tiny little scorpion handgun? We mean, come on. Who hasn't made that exact threat on a Gator message board...sometime in the past....say, right around 2004 or so...