MISSOURI IS IN SAD NEED OF NIGHTLIFE

The Fulmer Cup now gets serious as Missouri turns itself from one-trick pony (a single large arrest for massive drug possession) to a legitimate contender. Tigers, you may thank walk-on offensive lineman Zachary Wayhart and his undeniable, irresistible lust for vandalizing cars for turning Mizzou from an Ellis T. Jones III candidate to a Fulmer Cup leader.

Police said the damage to vehicles in the Virginia Avenue garage occurred between midnight and 2 a.m. Feb. 3. Most of the damaged vehicles were on the first floor of the parking lot.

Owners reported myriad problems, including slashed tires, keyed doors, smashed windshields and footprints on the hoods of cars.

Wayhart picked up four counts of "tampering," meaning he either vandalized these cars or messed with some high-profile contract negotiations of some kind. Tampering is a a one pointer, meaning Wayhart earns four points for Mizzou and puts them squarely in the lead for the Fulmer Cup. Also, Missouri clearly needs some nightlife. What, Branson isn't enough for you, you greedy bastards? You've got Yakov Smirnoff--WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?

ps. Branson has a show called "Baldknobbers." This would be a totally different show in Bangkok, we bet.


Nightmare fuel: Baldknobbers.

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