FULMER CUPDATE: GIVING YOUR ROOMIE A BOTTLE.

by Orson on Feb 12, 2008 4:27 PM EST Comment 21 comments

The Cincinnati Bearcats enter the Fulmer Cup by answering a question as old as the internet itself: can you break a bottle over someone's head? And as the internet told us, lo so many years ago as we watched a flickery, jerky image over a dial-up line in a dorm, yes, Virginia, you can break a bottle over someone's head. In fact, you can do it yourself, Johnny Methbelt.

We've used that video before, but it's timeless, really. The bit where someone points and says, "Now that's some redneck right there" should be recorded and placed in the Smithsonian. History needs not to forget accomplishments like that. Canfield's incident remains mired in mystery, but let's hope it was as colorful as the autobottling scene above.

UC offensive lineman Trevor Canfield, from Western Hills High School, was charged with felonious assault.

Canfield is accused of hitting Erik Monsen in the head with a glass bottle. UC coach Brian Kelly has suspended Canfield pending completion of the legal process and will have no further comment.

We've heard that Monsen, the bottle-ee, is the roommate of Canfield, and that Canfield did this not in the club, but in his room during an argument with his roommate after a night of festivity. If true, he might get the Dwayne Schintzius Award for Outstanding Roomie of the Year. 1990 Florida basketball reference what!

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In the future, according to Idiocracy, I believe that phrase is featured on the $150,000 bill.

by spartanmike on Feb 12, 2008 4:35 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

See, now that’s a real roommate assault. Breaking a bottle over his head. Not the pittly alcohol in the contact lense solution variety assault that never actually did any damage.

by Brian O'Blivion on Feb 12, 2008 4:40 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I’m sure this was just a science experiment.

by ThreenOut on Feb 12, 2008 4:45 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I have always wondered what possessed Schintzius to wear his hair in such a manner.

Was he on that fluke of a Final Four team that lost to Duke in ’94?

I remember Udonis, and that is about it.

F you, Scottie Thurman and Corliss Williamson…

by Coop on Feb 12, 2008 4:45 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I had a much worse idea in mind when my RSS feed only showed: Giving Your Roomie a B.

Could’ve sworn it had something to do with a male organ…

by hasuprotoss on Feb 12, 2008 4:49 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

According to my roommate at the time, in my freshman UF ID, I looked exactly like Dwayne Schintzius. Ladies, form an orderly line please…

by Rich on Feb 12, 2008 4:51 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I like how someone says it was “the price of ignorance.” That’s actually quite profound.

by jbob on Feb 12, 2008 5:24 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Schintzius. Wasn’t he the tennis racket guy?

by Last Dragon on Feb 12, 2008 5:31 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

#4,

You’re confusing him with Andrew DeClercq, a different white guy with bad hair.

by Chas on Feb 12, 2008 5:37 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

And this would be how many points?

by dixiehack on Feb 12, 2008 6:51 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Can we bring “He’s been Munsoned” back into America’s lexicon?

by Schnitzengruben on Feb 12, 2008 7:51 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Ah yes, the glass hat!

by Texas Irish on Feb 12, 2008 8:13 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

The Cougs need their points for Hicks’ latest and greatest felony. Also, one of our Samoans decided that some frat boys needed a talking to, of course he was drunk at the time:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/cougars/2004171106_coug08.html

by RRTX Coug on Feb 13, 2008 8:56 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

Yes, the wheels of the Fulmer Cup are greased with alcohol.

by Raider Red on Feb 13, 2008 9:21 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

Coop-

You forgot Oliver “five seconds in the lane and no call” Miller.

Wasn’t that the UPig team where four were arrested for rape the next year?

by yoyofutbawl on Feb 13, 2008 10:14 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

Young fan: How’s the weather up there?
Schintzius: “spits” It’s raining.

by RedRoot on Feb 13, 2008 10:44 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

15 – You know, I don’t remember. I was all of 11 back in ’94.

Ha the Internets beenaround back then, I think it is safe to say those guys would have been crucified.

Nolan Richardson has always and will always remind me of:

A) Don King
B) The bad guy in Bond’s “Live and Let Die.”

Chris Rock did a funny bit about Jermaine Jackson that applies to Richardson, in my opinion.

by Coop on Feb 13, 2008 11:02 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

As the Fulmer Cup grows to our ever-loving entertainment, I humbly suggest another award in the spirit of the Elias T Jones hardware.

This one should be given to the Fulmer Cup participant with the most egregious crime committed against a teammate. We should name it after that North Colorado backup punter that stabbed the starter in the leg.

On second thought, let’s name it the North Colorado Backup Punter Award.

by Kenny on Feb 13, 2008 11:26 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

Are you mocking former great Spurs first round draft pick Dwayne Schintzius? The man who once, allegedly, when asked by child what the weather was like up there spat on said child?

I decry your mocking, sir! A man with such a glorious mullet is beyond reproach.

http://vmedia.rivals.com/uploads/1014/451076.jpg

For shame Orson, for shame.

by Nutter on Feb 13, 2008 11:28 AM EST reply actions 0 recs