ALMA MATER: THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA

Oh but God did hit the smite button that night Orson. However the foot he used was Wes Bynum’s.

Revenge came off the arm of Matt Flynn to Demetrius Byrd, O.

As a product from EDSBS Labs, I was rather disheartened to only see two cuss words.

For God’s sake man, at least throw in a good ole’ fashioned “motherfucker” for us!

LSU offered a high school linebacker named Barkevious Mingo this week. I don’t even know where to start.

Barkevious Mingo. Love. Complete love.

Still fuckin’ pissed about that game…thanks, O. for the flashback of sheer, unadulterated, truly pissed fury and the drunken flume of verbal effluent that mr. bynum recieved courtesy of an inebriated me…

I thought the vine-covered walls were papered with the Vulgar Boatmen…and the occasional Big Al and the Coholics…(my UGA friend once asked “who is Big Al and the Catholics”, but I had gotten her a little d-runk, and she didn’t quite get the irony in my response…did I say she was a dawg?).

In between GR and Detroit,
there’s a school that’s known to some.
We don’t really win that often,
so break out the beer and rum!
Spartan teams may lose spectacularly,
but the games aren’t a bore.
At least the girls are good looking,
unlike the ones in Ann Arbor!

Kick some ass for MSU,
watch the points keep growing!
The campus is big, it’s just too bad
there’s 11 bars for drinking!
See the tear gas weakening,
we’re going to set this blaze!
FIGHT! RAH! FIRES BOOZE PAIN!
Let’s go to MSU!

Being in the Glee Club and Chorale means that you have to sing the Alma Mater on command; in front of large crowds at homecoming.

“Shudder”

‘We Are The Boys’ might need an update too.

In all kinds of weather / We’ll all stick together / unless it’s a cat 5 hurricane / then we’re getting the fuck out of here.

Oh come and sing Ohio’s praise
With JT titty bucks, we’ll make it rain
While our hearts rebound with thrill
With GPAs of 1 point nil

Summer heat or winter’s cold
The SEC bowl losses roll

Time and change will surely show
Get your Goose on O-hi-o

My. Bynum has a standing offer from me for the rest of his life: one punch to the face at absolutely no cost to him. anytime. anywhere. he can have it on the can, he can have it with a frying pan. he can have it in a tree, he can have it at a spelling bee…..my god, do you see how mad i get while thinking about that night? i start typing in seussisms.

and it wasn’t the first kick that makes my blood boil, or even the second kick that makes me want to tear his throat out- roadhouse style. it’s the chomp he did between the kicks that should have been called for an excessive celebration just like the SEC refs called on bubba caldwell the week before in Oxford. objectiveness my ass.

Meh. Let’s go analyze some songs people know. Alma maters peter out after the first few bars for 99 percent of the alumni and student body. Let’s rewrite some fight songs.

Or remix some of the 20-30 year old stadium anthem rock all the cool kids are playing in pre-game.

If I liked singing acapela with other dudes, I would absolutely not call it a “glee club”.

You may as well say “gay club”, as if anyone would really need to verbalize that statement because it’s so obvious.

Surely there are no singing organizations left in the country who have not changed their titles to eliminate the term “glee club”.

I guess I have to go to google and find this out now.

I should have known. Harvard, Princeton and many others still have "glee clubs.

its Byrum with an R, not an N

and that true freshman Florida native kicked the game winner not once, but twice

OWNED

WDE

I thought it went like this:

da dum da dum vicTORious!
da doo da dum da doooo
something something GLORious!!
yaay FLORIDA yaaaayy!!!

Words, schmerds.

rjs…preach on brother…that motherfucker…those SEC refs…that game…shit…my lesbian, buddhist psychic says I must work on releasing my valid emotions, but somehow I am blocked…

O:

Only you could find a way to link football with entropy. Considering football seems to be traditionally anti-entropic. Just ask any Michigan, Ohio State, So Cal, Texas, Nebraska, Georgia, Alabama, Auburn…. fan.

Old Miami, from thy hillcrest,
Thou hast watched the decades roll.
While thy sons have quested from thee,
Sturdy-hearted, pure of soul.

(Chorus)
Old Miami, New Miami,
Days of old and days to be;
Weave the story of the glory,
Our Miami, here’s to thee.

Is now:

Old Miami, run by white men
and their daughters, busty still.
Feel their asses groped so blindly
after pints of ghetto swill.

Old Miami, New Miami
Minor bowls games, Natural Light
Girls that should be 10 pounds lighter
But they still bone alright…

Tech’s fight song should replace their alma mater, if they have one.

South Carolina’s is to the tune of “Away In A Manger.”

It might be called to Forever To Whomever, but the music is straight of out Jesus’ entrance into the world.

They are a creative lot in Cola.

What? Replace this?

 Oh, sons of Tech, arise, behold!
 The banner as it reigns supreme,
For from on high the White and Gold
 Waves in its triumphant gleam.
The spirit of the cheering throng
 Resounds with joy revealing
A brotherhood in praise and song,
 In memory of the days gone by.
Oh, Scion of the Southland!
 In our hearts you shall forever fly.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To the most convoluted melody ever.

And good god, do I need to see Bynum’s 18 year old ass running around the field doing the Gator chomp during every Pontiac Game Changing Performance?

Not to mention that other white bastard that blocked the punt last year and won a Pontiac Game Chan…FUCK.

FUCK YOU PONTIAC.

Old Arkansas Alma Mater:
Pure as the dawn on the brow of thy beauty
  Watches thy soul from the mountains of God
Over the Fates of thy children departed
  Far from the land where their footsteps have trod.
Beacon of hope in the ways dreary lighted;
  Pride of our hearts that are loyal and true;
From those who adore unto one who adores us—
  Mother of Mothers, we sing unto you.

New Arkansas Alma Mater:
High on a hill, in the center of town,
 is a place where D-Mac is hailed.
Who else has a bronze chicken?
 Not your university
We have the largest library in the state
 which isn’t saying that much.
From those who adore unto one who adores us - (see what I did there???)
Darren McFadden, we sing untoooo youuuuuuu

Kimbo Slice: Pride of the Florida pornography tycoon’s “hired goons” hall of fame. Look that shit up man. Milf Hunter what?

New GT Alma Mater:

Oh Shafts of Tech arise behold
The falling of my GPA;
From 3.6 to 2.4,
I got a 1.5 today.

The shaft I got in calculus,
The ream I got in physics,
My P-Chem prof is such a whore,
That I wish that she would finally die.

I’m signing off the shaft list….
Gonna try my luck at uga.

This will reveal my allegiance, but so be it:

On a hallowed hill in Tennessee
Like beacon shining bright —
The stately walls of old UT
Rise glorious to the sight.
So here’s to you old Tennessee
Our alma mater true
We pledge in love and harmony
Our loyalty to you

becomes…

A campus with too many hills,
And a bar scene that is weak.
But it’s 30 miles to Dollywood
Or moonshine stills that reek.
Yes, we all went to Tennessee —
And some got a degree!
We drink and smoke and cuss and joke
And rat out the Tide for free.

I thought Gator Country was the UF alma mater. You learn something new every day.

#15-

Whatever

The awesome thing about the Tennessee alma mater is that no one, NO ONE, not even old drunk alumni, know any of the words except this one line, so in Neyland it actually sounds a lot like this:

mumblemumblemumblemumblemumble
mumblemumblemumblemumblemumble
mumblemumblemumblemumblemumble
mumblemumblemumblemumble[gets real loud]
SO HEEEEERRE’S TO YEEEEEW OLD TENNESEEEE
[repeat mumbling, add “WOOs”]

On the rolling plains of Dixie
‘Neath it’s sun-kissed sky,
Proudly stand, O Alma Mater
Ye have delicious fur pie

To thy name we’ll sing thy praise,
From hearts that love so true,
We shall used the paper on Toomer
and shit inside our shoes

Hail thy colors, Orange and Blue,
Unfurled into the sky.
To thee, our Alma Mater, we’ll be true,
Oh delicious fur pie

Hear the student voices swelling,
Echoes strong and clear,
We welcome all ye lesbos
and all ye football queers

From the hollowed wall’s we’ll part,
And bid thee sad a dieu
Thy sacred trust we’ll bear with us
we just a bunch of fools

God our Father hear our prayer,
May Auburn never die,
To thee, O Alma Mater, we’ll be true
O wash your nasty fur pie

I probably shouldn’t post these super secret alternate lyrics, but …

Sung to They Eyes of Texas (or I’ll Be Working on the Railroad):

The cow of Texas has a hard on,
All the live long day.
The cow of Texas has a hard on,
and it’s not from eating hay.

See the football team a-goin’,
Singing the old school song.
See the football team a-goin’,
To suck on Beevo’s dong.

Took a big ole dump
on a tree stump
it made a big ole thump
and it stunk

1. is a lying sack of poo…

as we all know Bevo is castrated.

you are aware that the panama canal is in the midst of a massive $5.25 billion improvement project, aren’t you? not much ‘old and quaint’ about that.

we dont know the godd*** words
we dont know the godd++ words
we dont know the godd*** words
we don’t know the godd++ words

lather, rinse, repeat… 3 x’s
Dear old State, Dear old state…
Penn State that is….

Frighteningly, many years on, I can still remember most of my alma mater song’s lines, although I probably put them in the wrong order now. My favorite lines though are still “They have the still North in their hearts, the hill winds in their veins, and the granite of New Hampshire in the muscles and their brains.”

The Hanover Winter Song however is timeless- it was probably originally talking about opium, but it works just as well with the modern day mary jane.

#30-

After 5 years at Alabama (during the 50-50 split days at Legion Field), I thought that the words to Auburn’s alma mater were Ei-Ei-O.

“Hail, Hail Pitchfork Ben Tillman” is the title of Clemson’s alma mater.

Ok, I’ll play…

the actual words of the Michigan alma mater (even sillier than our fight song):

Sing to the colors that float in the light,
hurrah for the yellow and blue.
Yellow the stars as they ride through the nigh
and reel in a rollicking crew.
Yellow the fields where ripens the grain,
and yellow the moon on the harvest wain.
HAIL!
Sing to the colors that float in the light,
hurrah for the yellow and blue.

(The second verse, which is never sung, is about blue things instead of yellow things.)

As sung by the crowd:

hmmm hmmm hm hmmm hmm hmm hmm
hmmmm hmm hmmm hmm hmm hmm hmm
hmmm hmmm hm hmmm hmm hmm hmm
hmmmm hmm hmmm hmm hmm hmm hmm
hmmm hmmm hm hmmm hmm hmm hmm
hmmmm hmm hmmm hmm hmm hmm hmm
HAIL! (with fists in the air)
hmmm hmmm hm hmmm hmm hmm hmm
hmmmm hmm hmmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

/threadjack

to #37

And pity the plight of those wretched 6th year seniors at UBammer who don’t have a clue what the million $$$ band plays after wins over either Auburn or LSU.

end threadjack/

38 – Does the University of South Carolina have ANY buildings named after segregationists, slave owners, fire eaters, etc?

Have all the Presidents of the other USC been as racially enlightened as you are?

Half the streets in Cola are named after gentlemen who decided it would be in our best interests to exit the union, post haste.

it’s wes byRum goddamnit

@26 – I like that one a lot. Then there is always …

On a cliff beside the Tennessee,
Us drunks come out at night,
Looking for a little love,
To make us feel alright…
We’ll drink to you old Tennessee
Till we puke on our feet,
Then back into the dark we go,
still lookin’ for that sheep!!!

And to think I went to school there….
====
- LAWVOL: http://Gate21.net – Life, the Universe, & College Football

Alabama represents (thank God we only hear this at homecoming halftime)

We don’t know, the words to this song
We don’t know the words
We don’t know, the words to this song
We don’t know the words
Once … twice … three times a lady
We don’t know the words
We don’t know, the words to this song (builds to crescendo)
We don’t know the words
(Fading horns) We don’t … know .. the wordsssssssss.

1. Fur pie? WTF? Is that a reference to the hairy women of Auburn or their men’s penchant for fucking livestock? Or both?

@39:

Yes, that’s dead-on.

\nostalgia

Orson,
How could you leave “skullfuck” out of the finished version?

#20… It sounds like Away in a Manger at the start but is not the same. Gotta love an alma mater that salutes drinking. Unless you guys at UF actually get skullfuck in it, and then that will be classic.

The Ohio University Fight Song
“Stand Up and Cheer”

Stand up for beer,
Stand up and drink for old Ohio,
For today we raise,
Our glass above the rest!

Our livers fighting,
And it is bound to win the fray,
We all are here!
And we’ve got beer!
For this is old Ohio’s day!

Hail to thee, TCU
Mem’ries sweet
Comrades true
Light of faith
Walk on through
Hail to thee
T

Good lord, that’s gay. Mem’ries? A perfectly good syllable met its death there. Comrades? I seriously wonder whether the school changed the word during the red scares of the ’20s and ’50s. Good night and good luck, bitches.

Let’s try…

We went to…TCU
Drunken girls
liked to screw
Drank all night
Woke in puke
Way to go
T

and my vote for the USCw alma mater?….. the following

Long limosines
….just like that
Jet airplanes
….just like that
custom made clothes
….just like that
and any woman in the world I want
….just like that
….just like that
….just like that
Gotta love that USC!

Free Impala?
…just like that
Mama’s new home
…just like that
Cash in the wallet
…just like that
And white girls begging for a piece of me
…just like that
…just like that
…just like that
Gotta love that USC!

1. - it was Louis Murphy, not Bubba, but the SEC refs need to start penalizing teams doing the gator chomp as a taunt if they are going to penalize our celebrations. Even Nick Saban thinks it is bullshit.

they just had to keep showing the replay and showing wes one-play byrum doing that chomp over and over again during the pontiac game changing performance….

just over and over again….

Okay, I’ll give this a shot…Ole Miss Alma Mater:

“Way down south in Mississippi
There’s a spot that ever calls
Where amongst the hills enfolded
Stand old Alma Mater’s Halls

Where the trees lift high their branches
To the whispering Southern breeze
There Ole Miss is calling, calling
To our hearts fond memories."

Way across in downtown Oxford
there’s more condos going up here.
So some spoiled-ass rich alum
Can crash after games six times a year.

Where the cranes lift high their wrecking balls,
And the coeds lift their skirts,
There Ole Miss keeps calling us at dinner,
Asking us to donate til it hurts.

I tried to fit Scruggs in there but couldn’t.

AS a UF student, i never really understood the “where southern seas are flowing”

look at a map of fucking florida. we’re nowhere near a coast.

UGA’s alma mater is the same tune as the Kellerman’s farewell song at the end of Dirty Dancing, only without Max’s lisp. But that Bill Medley dance number would have been more appropriate.

I submit UVa’s “other” alma mater—the one that doesn’t sound like we’ve got New Years Eve on the wrong date…

From Rugby Road to Vinegar Hill,
We’re gonna get drunk tonight
The faculty’s afraid of us,
They know we’re in the right
So fill your cups, your loving cups,
As full as full can be,
And as long as love and liquor last,
We’ll drink to the U. of V.

Refrain: Oh, I think we need another drink!
Heh! I think we need another drink!
Heh! I think we need another drink!
Heh! I think we need another drink!
Heh! To the glory of the U. Va.

From Carrols to the Corner,
We will drink our beer and shout,
And if the faculty objects,
They can only throw us out.
So fill up your cups, your loving cups,
As full as full can be,
And as long as love and liquor last,
We’ll drink to the U. of V.

Uhhhh…Wes Bynum WAS the smite button. It is all in your perspective.

Clempsun:

Where the Blue Ridge yawns with boredom
Where the trailers stay,
Here the kids from New Jersey
Join the K-K-K.

CHORUS

Poor old Clemson we will fail
In every sport in sight,
Please minorities, come, we’ll pay you
And give you every white chick in sight.