The West Virginia Mountaineers add some fire to the Fulmer Cup, staying high in the West Virginia hills with an ambitious-sounding charge of “felony possession of marijuana with the intent to deliver.” The reason we say the charge reeks of an almost admirable ambition: they had intent to deliver, dude. Following all the way through like a champion. Holding the rope, as it were, and sticking to the task at hand with the sticky-icky.

One thing the players cannot be accused of: staying cool under pressure. Man, just be cool. Seriously. Don’t say shit. That’s how a gangsta does it. Don’t. Say. Shit. I mean–

Deputies found packaged bags of marijuana in the vehicle and in Ingram’s right shoe. After Ingram allegedly told one of the deputies there were also drugs at his apartment, investigators found more marijuana and bags used to package the drug in a bedroom.

–yeah, well, so much for the “staying cool” part of that speech, Scarface. The best possible defense at this point will be to claim that the kids were using Arnold Schwarzenegger’s old post-workout recovery techniques to enhance their performance, albeit without wearing the “Arnold is numero uno” shirt.

He’s leading the life you all want to live, people, and do not deny it. Oh, and nine points for West Virginia, putting them in an extremely competitive stance in the Fulmer Cup.