you mean having 2 ILBs and 2 safeties doing nothing on a given play is the wrong scheme?

who knew?

I wonder if that’s Tenuta’s scheme for the ladies as well? If so, he’s gotta be neck and neck with Travis Henry for most illegitimate children.

Hilarious. At least those fever dreams paid some dividends, eh Orson?

When did the Orgeron morph into Tenuta?

Actually, Tenuta is a great fit at Notre Dame, seeing as how he enjoys recruiting about as much as most people enjoy public speaking.

Notre Dame’s defense just improved by a factor of 10 or so.

Why Tenuta has taken an NFL job or interviewed for them, big city life which he prefers, no recruiting which he hates, not having to compensate for shortage of talent which he had at Tech, etc…

I don’t understand.

The first syllable of Regis is rendered in print as “Reeg,” not Reg. I thought you were talking about Reggie Jackson or some other Reginald.

This is awesome, but needs to include cursing—not for humor’s sake but for realism. I think the reason his “mic’d” segment on Gameday blew was that he said nothing interesting without cursing.

At last year’s GT spring scrimmage (yes, Gailey never even did real spring “games”), me and buddies sat in the end zone so we could listen to Tenuta, who hangs behind the defense so he can see and yell at the secondary. It is all VERY LOUD. Some choice bits:

“Get your head out of your ass Avery! You want to stay on the fuckin field?! Make some fuckin plays!”
After a ref makes a questionable call, and keep in mind this is a scrimmage, not even a fake game: “What the fuck do you need fucking glasses?! I’ll pay for em!”

“ME ALWAYS TAKE WHITE SAFETY AND BLITZ, BECAUSE WHITE SAFETY NO RUN”

That’s a perfect summary of Chris Reis’ career at Tech. Great post.

In Gailey’s defense he never did fall “games” either. Hey-O!

heh… it took me about halfway through the post to figure out that Tenuta was speaking with a caveman accent.

At first I was like: “what the hell? Tenuta’s not Asian… is he?”

I think Charlie would eat some of that dear carcas is you just put some EXCITE Sensual Gel on it for seasoning. After all, it does “intensify and explosive experience”.

I think he would eat the deer carcas as well.

you gotta do a CoachO/Tah-noo-tah conversation…

Ah – the Tenuta D, you either get a crushed quarterback, or give up an 80 yard TD pass.

People actually go to watch Tech scrimmages?

Well, ND’s average margin of defeat for next season just fell by 13 ppg.

I couldn’t decide if Tenuta was channeling Orgeron, Jakovasaurs, or Grimlock.

And if not for the GP surgery, there is no way Weis turns down the deer shoulder.

He was hired to simulate what Jimmy Clausen goes through on offense, except without the 80 yard TD passes.

It’s totally Grimlok.

As someone who had the privilege of playing for Tenuta during my college years, I have to agree with Jeff. Not even close to enough cursing. The man uses “fuck” (pronounced FAHK) as a form of punctuation. Meetings were the best, so long as you weren’t the object of ridicule. We got gems like: “Shane where the fahk are you supposed to be? Stand up. Good. Now punch yourself in the nuts.” “Hey! Fuck you!” “If you blow that fuckin’ coverage again, I’m gonna jump out this fucking [pressbox] window! FAHK!” My favorite was his simple but elegant question to me, “Are you fucking retarded?” Other than though, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. Oh, and he used to refer to Charlie Weiss as “Fat ass.”

Orson, are you aware that something calling itself “Excite Sensual Gel” is advertising on the sidebar? It’s a good thing I’m already drinking, because I’m not sure I could handle the mental juxtaposition of sex lube and Jon Tenuta nomming a deer carcass otherwise.

I’d never considered the possibility that Charlie Weis might have to constantly fend off the Reeg. It makes me feel something… is it indigestion? no, it’s pity – for Charlie Weis.

Fuck you for making me feel, Regis, fuck you. (That’s for Drew, as well.)

For an SEC-centered blog (you know you are), you sure do venture North a lot (for subject matter at least). Too bad your teams don’t…

They must be scared of that ‘decided schematic advantage’. Oh snap!

Orson, a Cirroc take would have been interesting too:

Ladies and gentlemen of the Monogram Club, I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking airhorns in your football crowds make me want to run away from the sidelines, into a cave or the locker room or wherever . Sometimes when I hear the assistants over the headphones, I wonder: “How did they get so small to be able to fit inside there?” I don’t know! My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know – when an opponent’s quarterback lines up under center on third-and-long with three wide, then you let the Sam and Will run wild each and every time. Thank you

Off topic, and sorry if it’s already been brought up, but the Georgia House is crafting a proposal to urge the NCAA to adopt a playoff:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/football/ncaa/02/01/georgia.playoff.ap/index.html

Tenuta before a game against UVA:

“These fucking Virginia hillbillies think they fucking invented the game of football, so we’re going to burn their fucking barns down!”

Announcers have been telling me for years about the genius that is Tenuta, so I’m a little shocked that he couldn’t land a DC job at a decent program (or a job coaching DBs at a decent program). Sorry-couldn’t resist.

IRT 26:

Matt.. please tell me that is an actual quote. That would make my day

17.

+100 Percocets for the Grimlock reference! (I’d offer cocktails, but after yesterday’s gallbladder/appendix removal, these bad boys have become my new BFF!)

The best part of that UVA quote is that Tenuta is a Virginia alumnus. Also, with regards to the guy complaining about SEC teams going north, EDSBS isn’t an SEC-centered blog. College football is an SEC-centered sport.

Um…. I’ve been here since post 100 or so, and I’ve no idea of what this post is referencing. I still yell at fatasses in Los Angeles “YOU BEEEEE BAW!”

But that’s cos Bruce Feldman and I roll out, and he wants to choke a bitch.

Seriously, could someone fill me in on Tenuta-talk? A link? A book? A YouTube clip?

To the commenter who referenced former GT safety Chris Reis:

I hope you weren’t dissing him. I couldn’t tell what you were getting at because your entry was short and imprecise. At any rate, Reis was indisputably one of the top safeties Tech has had in the last 10-12 years, and if you know Tech football, you know that Dawan Landry was a Tech safety, among several other outstanding all-conference players, as Reis himself was, IIRC. He was also a pretty darn good linebacker for a season (was it two?)

#32: Orson has gotten to the point where he can artificially create any dialect for any coach he sees fit, and it would still be funny.

If UNC didn’t let Tenuta go after 2001, John Bunting may still have a job. Which scares the hell out of me.

Nah… I loved Reis. He did a great job at linebacker, and played well at safety. But I remember him blitzing a lot, and not playing much coverage.

As far as his ranking among Tech safeties, Lewis, Landry, Butler, Muyres, and Tillman all were awarded All-ACC spots for their play. Reis did receive an honorable mention for time a linebacker (lots of sacks from blitzing), but none for his time at safety.

Is Tenuta-speak a worthy successor to Orgeron-speak? Do we really want to have Orson write about Notre freakin’ Dame just as an excuse to use Tenuta-speak? I vote no.

(Fictional) Governor Clinton Tyree approves of how Tenuta gets his food.