We don’t want your job. Obesity’s a motherfucker, and it’s multifactorial, but our unscientific opinion is that not getting a lot of sleep, working 18 hour days, and running on a steady diet of adrenaline, caffeine, and shockolate-flavored stress is one sure way to do it.

It’s no surprise that Mark Mangino, then, the famously rotund (word…not…covering it…) coach for Kansas checked himself into the hospital for medical tests. These are vaguely defined, but one detail did emerge: they are not cardiac in nature, a sign we would take to mean they’re definitely cardiac in nature, since we trust nothing of medical reports. That’s just our hunch.

We won’t hop to suggesting Mangino, whose health concerns have been a point of public debate for Kansas fans, get gastric bypass. Gastric bypass is far more drastic than you might imagine. It’s not a “Well, snip, and snip, and Bob’s your uncle POOF! Thin!” procedure. It’s a nasty reworking of the pipes with serious health implications and lifelong restrictions on behavior and diet. For sheer visual shock, just look here:


Egads: gastric bypass.

Just ask Charlie Weis. It’s serious.

Larry Smith, the underrated coach for Missouri, USC, Arizona, and Tulane, died Monday at the age of 68 from lymphoma. Smith most recently led the Missouri Tigers to consecutive bowl seasons.

App State: still talking. The Mountaineers are still talking about the win over Michigan. This is fine by us, since we can’t make a convincing argument why, if they passed 30 times in a game, they wouldn’t have beaten this year’s Florida team.

Ole Miss loses a recruit to ‘roids. Jared Foster, an Ole Miss qb recruit, will not be attending the University of Mississippi because he was arrested in a steroids sting, which will have that effect on your potential sponsor institution. Foster played the past year at Gulf Coast Community College in Mississippi, and was to join the team full time for spring practice. He’s not doing that now, something giving him more time to, you know, work out ‘n shit. (Note: not on team, does not count for Fulmer Cup points.)

Get better Wilbon; condolences, Ryan. It is not a very good day to be a prominent sports columnist. Michael Wilbon of the Washington Post and ESPN suffered a mild heart attack at 3 a.m. Monday.

Sincere condolences to Bob Ryan of the Boston Globe, whose son committed suicide in Islamabad, Pakistan.

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