FULMER CUP SCOREBOARD: ROCKY TOP HOLLERIN'

by Orson on Jan 28, 2008 11:36 AM EST

This week's cup runneth over with points for Missouri and some bonus foam on that rapsheetaccino for Tennessee. The Big Board is, as always, brought to you by Brian, who is hung like Reggie F'n Nelson.

Missouri earned points we neglected to include last week, mostly because we couldn't believe anyone not named Robert Downey, Jr. could be caught with such a diverse array of recreational drugs. And yet he exists: late of the Missouri football team, backup defensive tackle John Stull was arrested on Jan. 11th and is charged with two felony counts of drug possession, one misdemeanor count of drug possession, suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia, possession of intoxicating liquor as a minor and use of a false identification.

Felony drug possession is a step above your average weed-toting Gator-inhalator charge, especially when you're talking about coke and pills, which is precisely the case in Stull's case. Three points each for those, one point for the misdemeanors, and we've cooked up a 10 point kilo of points for Missouri that was miscounted as 3 last week. We, like the Gainesville Sun, regret the error.

The asterisk by the score is significant, though: it indicates an early watch on the Ellis T. Jones III award, meaning the award for the single largest score for an individual. If Missouri stays clean for the rest of the Fulmer Cup race, we would award Stull the ET3 award, and give the program award to someone else. The point is to account for programmatic, patterned bad behavior ind a single program, not one outlier on an otherwise well-behaved team. Thus the little octopus hovering in the northeast corner up there.

Officer, I don't like your tone. Tennessee lineman Anthony Parker picks up a bullshitty disorderly conduct charge, but a point is a point is a point here. Why is it a a bit bullshittish? Because Parker's biggest crime seems to be hollerin' and cussin', a time-honored pasttime in Tennessee from what we can remember from our tenure in the Parallelogram.

Knoxville Police Department spokesperson Darrell DeBusk said Parker, 21, was arrested in the parking lot of the Sutters Mill Apartment complex just after midnight Saturday morning.

DeBusk said officer Sam Henard saw Parker standing in the parking lot of the complex, waving his hands and yelling.

Henard then arrested Parker and took him to the detention center . . . .

That's why it's bullshit, but you don't quiet down when the cops come a-callin', and you get-a disorderly conduct charge and one point for the Vols, who are already making an outstanding claim in the early paces of the Fulmer Cup race. Tradition never graduates! WOOOOOOOOO!!! This is ourrrrrr country.....

And remember...Ole Miss picks up points for disorderly as well. We still think they're blameless due to the intoxicating effects of erotic chicken.

P.S. Texas A&M's points were an error, as well--the incident occurred during the season, and is not eligible.

Tweet Comment 35 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Did they drop a charge on Ole Miss? I thought they got a 2-pointer… after double-checking the link… yep.

by Cincy on Jan 28, 2008 11:45 AM EST reply actions

“from the east coast…to the west coast…down the dixie highway…back hooooooooome…this is our country.”

enjoy the rest of your day gentlemen.

by gerry dorsey on Jan 28, 2008 11:46 AM EST reply actions

Okie St? Mizzou, UThug? St. Richt’s Boyz?, Merely-batshit-Nutt’s crew?

The Big Board is decidedly ’neckish in the early going.

by Der Schatten on Jan 28, 2008 11:46 AM EST reply actions

Speaking of bullshitty…

[b] suspicion [/b] of possession of drug paraphernalia?

Does that mean I can get a ticket from a cop at the grocery store because he is [b]supicious[/b] that I might have broken the speed limit?

by Cincy on Jan 28, 2008 11:47 AM EST reply actions

Oh my god I cant spell or use fonts :(

by Cincy on Jan 28, 2008 11:47 AM EST reply actions

Did you include the Vol points for Vereen?

http://tennessee.scout.com/a.z?s=7&p=2&c=722641

by Brian O'Blivion on Jan 28, 2008 11:48 AM EST reply actions

If hollerin and cussin were a crime in Tennessee, Holly’d be doin’ life.

by jebus on Jan 28, 2008 12:00 PM EST reply actions

Yes—Vereen is included.

by Orson Swindle on Jan 28, 2008 12:05 PM EST reply actions

Somehow the cops neglected to uncover the Mizzou player’s meth lab.

They all have meth labs over there.

by PeteJayhawk on Jan 28, 2008 12:13 PM EST reply actions

Orson – wasn’t the Vol arrest with the two recruits a 4 pointer? Both were charged with weed possession = 4 points, no?

Then Vereen and Parker, 1 point each. Total of 6.

by Brian O'Blivion on Jan 28, 2008 12:17 PM EST reply actions

Checking…yes. Tennessee should be at six. Corrected shortly.

by Orson Swindle on Jan 28, 2008 12:19 PM EST reply actions

BO’B is correct. Jussayin.

by Aerobab on Jan 28, 2008 12:21 PM EST reply actions

The Aggies don’t even make the list on a provisional basis?

by tapeoflove on Jan 28, 2008 12:28 PM EST reply actions

My hope is that by Year 2 of Petrino (yes, I am overly optimistic expecting a Year 2…) that my beloved Hogs will be players in the Fulmer Cup chase.

by Jerkwheat on Jan 28, 2008 12:30 PM EST reply actions

Where’d A&M points go?

by aggy on Jan 28, 2008 12:32 PM EST reply actions

The Aggies typically don’t make many polls…

Anywho, I liked this:

Knoxville Police Department spokesperson Darrell DeBusk

Really, aren’t they all named “Darrell” up there?

And their brother Darrell, and their other brother named Darrell…

by Rival on Jan 28, 2008 12:56 PM EST reply actions

A&M points don’t count. Incident happened before FC season.

by Brian O'Blivion on Jan 28, 2008 1:01 PM EST reply actions

The Fulmer Cup is like eight months of Christmas.

by Run Up The Score on Jan 28, 2008 1:21 PM EST reply actions

You can enjoy the Mellencamp “song” a lot more (i.e., at all) if you do what a Deadspin commenter suggested: think of it as, “This is our cunt tree.”

by Oren Incandenza on Jan 28, 2008 2:10 PM EST reply actions

Damn, by this time last year I’m pretty sure we had 2 QBs on the board for South Carolina. Now none. Sounds like bouncers are minding their damn business and visiting prof’s aren’t stealing the free parking spots.
If we get our GPA up (way tf up), continue to suck ass in football, and stay good in the FC points department, perhaps (fingers crossed) we’ll be the Vanderbilt of South Carolina.

by Out of Conference on Jan 28, 2008 2:14 PM EST reply actions

Looks like Name Redacted is going to make another run at the Cup this year. http://www.news-gazette.com/news/local/2008/01/28/football_player_arrested_after_gun_fired
Now why, why bring handguns to the club?

by rusty on Jan 28, 2008 2:26 PM EST reply actions

Police arrested Robertson for unlawful use of a weapon, aggravated unlawful use of a weapon, aggravated reckless discharge of a firearm and resisting or obstructing justice, according to Dunn. Robertson was released Sunday after posting 10 percent on $50,000 bond.

Wow. Three firearm charges and resisting arrest. This is big points. What are the points for firearm charges anyway? I didn’t see that on the point scale.

by Brian O'Blivion on Jan 28, 2008 3:33 PM EST reply actions

I thought we got two points?

Also, please change to “Ole Miss” in the future.

Thanks.

by reb pup on Jan 28, 2008 3:47 PM EST reply actions

#19,

and replace “dixie highway” with “hershey highway.”

it works for me.

by EZ on Jan 28, 2008 3:51 PM EST reply actions

#22,
If firearms charges are three apiece, then we have a tie for the Ellis T. Jones award.

by rusty on Jan 28, 2008 4:26 PM EST reply actions

And B.S. considering what an 300+ lb All-American lineman could have been doing.

by The Modern Gal on Jan 28, 2008 5:39 PM EST reply actions

SEC is representin’ once again. . . 3 of the top 6! Suck it, Mark May.

by DirkDawggler on Jan 28, 2008 6:22 PM EST reply actions

The Knoxville PoPo is “looking into” the arrest of Parker after (who ever heard of a guilty) bystanders complained the cop went too far in arresting the guy.

Can points be taken back?

by etsuVol on Jan 28, 2008 6:45 PM EST reply actions