EX-BEARCAT RETURNER APPEARS ON FOX DEATH OF HUMANITY SHOW

The dude’s wife (Catia) was HOT!!!

For some reason, the shots of the various guys’ junk in Dewey Cox received the biggest laughs in the theater.

I immediately wondered what sort of theater it was I had stumbled into.

But, yeah, I am homophobic like that.

And, I don’t care how much a girl enjoys size, no woman alive could possibly spend more than 5 minutes in the same room with Dikembe if he opens his mouth.

His voice makes me want to go Van Gogh on both my ears.

And, the worst part is, when he talks it is usually about helping people in Africa, so you feel bad about wishing he would stop strangling that chicken inside his trachea.

Sadistic. That describes that show. And holy shit, if those are the questions just to get past $25k, what kind of sadistic questions could they possibly come up with for $500K?

Any married guy who goes on that show better have a good divorce lawyer.

Yea, his wife was indeed pretty hot. I don’t know why she looked so shocked about all those questions though. I mean fuck! She didn’t look so innocent herself. Plus, what kind of nasty barren skank wouldn’t want kids at some point, like she said?

Just a disturbing post Orson.

I don’t know if it was your worst or best effort. I am really confused. The question for Phil Fulmer is probably the funniest thing I have read, on the other hand, reading about Mutumbo length is something I really didn’t want to do.

1. - Yea In reference to a divorce lawyer…They kept telling the wife “you can have 25k if you stop here.” Any moron would have realized, like her, that if he admits to banging other broads while married to her — which was bound to come up, shes gonna get a whole lot more than that out of him. Simple Economics.

Orson, what’s with all the recent references to Nada Surf’s “Popular”?

The reason I ask is because one of my friends and I, independently of one another, mentioned it last week in conversation even though I hadn’t even thought about that song in probably 7 or 8 years.

And now it seems to have spread to you.

Anytime you’re unsure whether it’s the best or worst thing we’ve ever done, we’re doing our job.

Am I crazy to think that it’s a GOOD idea for your partner to be sure that you’re the one before having kids? And who doesn’t wonder from time to time if their partner is not the One? I do it and I know for damn sure that Orson does. ;)

And I would do horribly on that show, b/c I have a thing about honesty and would pick apart the questions too much— I mean, I’m not sure that Orson and I are lifelong partners, what if (God forbid) one of us died tomorrow? If I die first, I sure hope he finds love again (likely after several years of finding like night after night, heh). So how to answer?

I have a feeling the show would aggravate me.

if you think this is the bottom of the barrel, think again. with the writer’s strike continuing to impede the production of scripted shows this kind of reality-based swill is what the networks are going to fall back on in order to keep the advertisers interested.

I’m with you on that, TCOAN.

In the commercial, they ask a guy if he’d give his father a kidney. If I were asked that, I’d have to know some other pertinent facts. For instance, right now, my dad is 59, so I would definitely give him a kidney. But 20 years from now, I probably wouldn’t because it probably wouldn’t prolong his life by much. In either case, he wouldn’t want me to give him one anyway.

If you asre asked that question and answer “No”, you look like an asshole. If you sit there and pick apart the question and ultimately answer yes, you still look like an asshole. There are no winners.

1. Then don’t go on the show.

2. Are married people discussing, on the show and on the board, whether or not they want to have kids with their spouse?

It is one thing to wonder prior to marriage, but if you don’t know whether you want to have kids with your spouse…um….

Now, if the query is, “Do I want to have kids at all?” then fair enough.

But, if you tied the knot and you don’t know whether you want to have kids with that person, assuming that you do want to have kids, then…

seriously, WTF?

12- “Temptation Island” was bottom of the barrel. This show is “To Tell the Truth” on steroids.

Hypothetical question to spouse department:

Does size matter?

Followed by:

Does it matter to me?

Followed by:

How do you get spaghetti stains out of my favorite T-shirt?

TCOAN…I’ll give you the name of my buddhist, lesbian psychic who assured me I married the right one…fortunately the one I had kids with (not the bulldawg charmer). And as far as their questions go, I can’t see answering any of them without turning on the bullshit geyser (yes, that’s an Orsonism).

Brian O,

I don’t know. I can envision much worse shit than finding a bunch of Kens and Barbies and seeing if you can get them to cheat on each other. I mean, really, they probably were anyway. How long before “Cleveland Steamer” is made, a show to see just how much shit you’re willing to take? It sounds crazy, but so did people eating animal dicks for cash until Fear Factor.

17

You know, Joe Rogan, this is not the first time I’ve tasted penis.I’ve had several! In my line of work, you taste penises all the time!

- T. Biggums

I have a logistical question – three at once? Is that a Mutombo shish-ka-bob?

This show sounds like pure gold to me. As long as I’m not the one answering the questions.

Biggus:
So would “Cleveland Steamer” be the predacessor to “Two Girls, One Cup, AND YOU!!!”?

Aerobab,

Oh God, I really hope not.

Oh, how we’ve strayed from Meercat Manor.

Remember the movie 1984, where, rather than socialize, people stayed home and watched M/S action on TV? Hello, we’re there!

If the strike ever ends, I can so see a cut-away gag on Family Guy for that “Two Girls A Cup, And You!”
There’ll be ridonkulously upbeat, happy music, and then they cut to Brian/Peter’s reaction to the TV when it starts, then either Stewie/Chris will disturbingly get aroused by it.

“QUESTION 19: Have you ever masturbated, then taken a shit and then, without washing your hands, eaten a hamburger? "

New keyboard time, this one’s soiled. Damn that’s funny.

TCOAN @ 10 – I’d say it’s at least as important to take a good long look at your partner to see what kind of freaky features or behavior might come rolling through to the next generation. Divorce may or may not come to pass, but you can try and reduce the odds that the Mendellian crapshoot will leave you with a couple of midget freaks.

And yet the missus had children with me anyway.

DC: I think the point is that those important questions really should be thought about before the wedding. Not that people don’t end up saying “What the HELL was I thinking?” sometimes after the kids are already here.

As far as hitting rock bottom for reality TV, I still say it will be when they film a serious game of “Survivor” and the losers actually die. Fox should be doing that within 10-15 years I’d say.

The secret to long-lasting wedded bliss (and on-topic)?

Find a woman who’s convinced you’re well endowed, despite any evidence to the contrary.

Excuse me here, but I thought we hit rock bottom like 7 years ago when that “multi-millionaire” guy “married” that slutty blond woman, although it got annulled like 24 hours later after picking her out of a lineup. Also FOX I may add.

I was stunned at how small the jackpot was at the precise moment that he, his wife, and ten million viewers realized his marriage was over. And then, adding insult to injury, he leaves with absofuckinglutely nothing. So he messes up his life for free. Only exhibitionist freaks need apply to that trainwreck.

And OC Phil gets the award for Captain Obvious.

However, OC Phil, apparently your clarification was needed for various people for some very sad reason.

Seriously, anyone who does not ponder that prior to getting married is:

A) Stupid
B) Retarded
C) Already Knocked Up and Doing the Shotgun Thing
D) All of the Above – b/c you were stupid enough to not wrap it up or make sure she was on the pill.

E) Conversely, the fact you are D) and not visiting a planned parenthood facility means you have some sand about you, so carry on.

Otherwise, what happened to the morals regarding those who obsess about college football?

To recap: It is getting blissfully liquored up on Saturday, followed by nasty debauchery filled sex in the wee hours of Sunday morning where you go for hours b/c you can’t blow a load due to all the booze you have consumed…

and then preaching on Sunday.

Rinse, repeat all the fall weekends until Thanksgiving.

That way, none of you go to Hell.

Good talk.

Hilarious! Aren’t there potential repercussions to having this kind of stuff out there as your career in “legitimate” writing takes off?

If Bunk and Landsman were interviewing him strapped to a copier, I’d watch.