We’re all gonna run. Except for me, because I’d die. In response to freshman running back Darryl Vereen’s arrest for public intoxication on Monday, Phil Fulmer made the entire team take an early morning run, proof that if put in charge of this country, Phil Fulmer would make us all do a lot of running, himself excepted.

“Iraq? Four laps around the track!”

“Pakistan? Two laps at 5 a.m., Pervez!”

“Illegal immigrants? Wind sprints to the border!”

That’s how you know Fred Thompson and Phil Fulmer are NOT the same person, since this would have been a much more compelling campaign that anything Fred did on the campaign trail. We’ll assess points for Vereen later this morning, but getting the whole team to run for your freshman mistake is included nowhere in the official guide to teenage popularity.

Don’t get into fights in Utah. You knew that already from watching the scary Mormon Fundamentalists roll around in their Hummers on Big Love, but the details from a fight this weekend involving two Utah players and a recruit are indeed frightening:

Paul Kruger was stabbed in the ribs and abdomen with a knife, while Newman was stabbed twice in the back with a screwdriver. David Kruger was punched in the right cheek with a hard metal object, believed to be brass knuckles.

What does one tell a recruit after that? “You know, that doesn’t happen every day in Salt Lake City. Really, we promise. Now let’s enjoy the rest of this recruiting trip! Who wants pie?”

Well, that’s not very nice. Funny…a smidge. But even the most die-hard USC fan will admit the prospect of facing Norm Chow at the end of next season is a dreadful one. Not Chow at the beginning of the year–it takes time to crank up any new offensive system, and the uptake rate with Chow’s is certainly easier than the byzantine West Coast system they were running at UCLA.

Confirmed: Jamie Newberg is an excel spreadsheet with life-support system attached. He pegs a good sampling of the schools from SMQ’s analysis of recruiting rankings that excel in developing talent without blinking:

JN: I was a huge fan of Bobby Petrino at Louisville while he was there because I thought he did just that. I think Virginia Tech has consistently done that as well as anyone in terms of development. Wisconsin too. I think you can make a case for Missouri and Kansas based on what they did this past season.

246 wins. D-1AA Dayton’s coach Mike Kelly retires after 27 years. The record for the Flyers coach is fearsome: 246-54-1.