CURIOUS INDEX: 1/23/08

by Orson on Jan 23, 2008 9:18 AM EST

We're all gonna run. Except for me, because I'd die. In response to freshman running back Darryl Vereen's arrest for public intoxication on Monday, Phil Fulmer made the entire team take an early morning run, proof that if put in charge of this country, Phil Fulmer would make us all do a lot of running, himself excepted.

"Iraq? Four laps around the track!"

"Pakistan? Two laps at 5 a.m., Pervez!"

"Illegal immigrants? Wind sprints to the border!"

That's how you know Fred Thompson and Phil Fulmer are NOT the same person, since this would have been a much more compelling campaign that anything Fred did on the campaign trail. We'll assess points for Vereen later this morning, but getting the whole team to run for your freshman mistake is included nowhere in the official guide to teenage popularity.

Don't get into fights in Utah. You knew that already from watching the scary Mormon Fundamentalists roll around in their Hummers on Big Love, but the details from a fight this weekend involving two Utah players and a recruit are indeed frightening:

Paul Kruger was stabbed in the ribs and abdomen with a knife, while Newman was stabbed twice in the back with a screwdriver. David Kruger was punched in the right cheek with a hard metal object, believed to be brass knuckles.

What does one tell a recruit after that? "You know, that doesn't happen every day in Salt Lake City. Really, we promise. Now let's enjoy the rest of this recruiting trip! Who wants pie?"

Well, that's not very nice. Funny...a smidge. But even the most die-hard USC fan will admit the prospect of facing Norm Chow at the end of next season is a dreadful one. Not Chow at the beginning of the year--it takes time to crank up any new offensive system, and the uptake rate with Chow's is certainly easier than the byzantine West Coast system they were running at UCLA.

Confirmed: Jamie Newberg is an excel spreadsheet with life-support system attached. He pegs a good sampling of the schools from SMQ's analysis of recruiting rankings that excel in developing talent without blinking:

JN: I was a huge fan of Bobby Petrino at Louisville while he was there because I thought he did just that. I think Virginia Tech has consistently done that as well as anyone in terms of development. Wisconsin too. I think you can make a case for Missouri and Kansas based on what they did this past season.

246 wins. D-1AA Dayton's coach Mike Kelly retires after 27 years. The record for the Flyers coach is fearsome: 246-54-1.

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Comments

Chicken Chow-Lame is the least appetizing chinese dish I’ve ever seen. Though eating it would be worth it, if only to absorb Chow’s superior offensive mind.

by Biggus Rickus on Jan 23, 2008 9:39 AM EST reply actions

Sounds like those Utah players got into a fight with the cast of the movie “SLC Punk”.

by Eric on Jan 23, 2008 10:02 AM EST reply actions

a f*cking screwdriver?

by Big 11th Blog on Jan 23, 2008 10:21 AM EST reply actions

biggus, you’d just be hungry again in an hour.
/lame ass cliche’ joke

by gerry dorsey on Jan 23, 2008 10:25 AM EST reply actions

Paul and David Kruger both got jacked-up. So that means the 3rd brother, Freddy was able to hold his own with the help of his metal-clawed glove?

by Aerobab on Jan 23, 2008 10:30 AM EST reply actions

gerry,

It’s better than the chinese menu e-mail that jokesters send around the office every so often. Cum Drop Soup! Get it?!

by Biggus Rickus on Jan 23, 2008 10:32 AM EST reply actions

Dana Jacobson suspended for a week by the WWL for comments made at the Mike & Mike roast:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/chi-23-espnbritejan23,0,6613456.story?coll=chi_tab01_layout

Reportedly she threw out “F*ck Touchdown Jesus,” “F*ck Notre Dame,” and finally “F*ck Jesus.” Cue “it’s a hate crime” versus “it’s a friggin roast” debate in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . .

by Domer Guy on Jan 23, 2008 10:33 AM EST reply actions

New rule:

Cliche’s are to be avoided like the plague.

by hunglikehussain on Jan 23, 2008 10:38 AM EST reply actions

It’s a good thing she didn’t say ‘lynch’. That would have brought her a two week suspension.

by Crabapple Buck on Jan 23, 2008 10:40 AM EST reply actions

If she had concluded with “fuck Greenie and Golic,” she would have become my favorite talking head at ESPN.

It’s a shame she wasn’t included in the interviews for that new Don Rickles documentary on HBO.

by DevilGrad on Jan 23, 2008 10:44 AM EST reply actions

Funny, I was reading the latest Paste Magazine last night… good Nada Surf article in it… and thinking, “This magazine lacks only some southern-sports-culture coverage; Orson oughta send them some freelance stuff since they’re in the neighborhood. He could turn it into a monthly outlet for his excellent logorrhea.” But maybe your SN affiliation prevents such combinations.

by panhandler on Jan 23, 2008 10:45 AM EST reply actions

In Poland they tell Fulmer jokes.

by intellidouche on Jan 23, 2008 10:56 AM EST reply actions

“Don’t get into fights in Utah” is perfectly fine advice, I would think that “just don’t go to Utah” would be even better. Any place that still produces straight edges who are indistinguishable from nazi skins is no place to be.

by DC Trojan on Jan 23, 2008 11:10 AM EST reply actions

- Cream of Sum Yung Guy?

by Last Dragon on Jan 23, 2008 11:13 AM EST reply actions

As a die hard USC fan I found the Trojan Wire gag tacky and dumb.

by oc phil on Jan 23, 2008 11:24 AM EST reply actions

Hold up, I don’t remember much of the 90s. Why did an alternative band make a music video with male frontal nudity?

by Tim on Jan 23, 2008 11:28 AM EST reply actions

Fred was planning to play Phil in the movie version of his life. He has time to do it now.

by yoyofutbawl on Jan 23, 2008 12:06 PM EST reply actions

- Yeah Hillary was going to play the role of Smokey.

by Out of Conference on Jan 23, 2008 12:56 PM EST reply actions

As a USC fan, I congratulate Norm Chow on one thing – he has surely found the very best way to give a big middle finger to each and every USC fan who ever supported him.

I also have to give freaking Neuheisel props. He realizes that by himself, he couldn’t succeed against SC. So now he’s re-uniting all of Pete Carroll’s old assistants to beat him. Its a punk move, but a genius one.

by Jeff from LA on Jan 23, 2008 4:03 PM EST reply actions