Kurt didn’t even know he was being ironically cool, which ironically makes it all so much cooler that he played in the NBA like this.

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

Tom Berenger wants his look back, dammit.

Lorenzo Booker thought so in 2004, certainly, and given some of the people we’ve talked to about it–yes, anonymous sources, but good ones that we didn’t just make up on a caffeine bender through the aisles of Inserection posting from our iPhone–the suspicion is there.

The number one complaint about Lemming involves his selection process for the Army All-American Game, a process he’s heavily involved in as “the country’s leading expert on college football recruiting and high school talent.” (There’s an R. Kelly joke here about “high school talent,” but that would be in error since the area of specialty in question for him is “middle school talent.” Moving on…)

A look at the rosters certainly does look statistically anomalous: of the 84 players invited to the Army All-American fully 21 of them either listed Notre Dame as their destination school or as an interested school. 14 are outright commits, and another 7 put Notre Dame on the short list. (more…)

June Jones opted not to honor the commitment offensive line recruit Ralston Drews made to SMU under the terms proposed by his predecessor Phil Bennett, something SMU went as far as warning incoming recruits about in a form letter. From the Dallas Morning News:

He didn’t even get nervous when SMU took 71 days to hire June Jones.

This is simply “the landscape of college football,” as an SMU official told Ralston’s high school coach.

This shows Jones clearly doesn’t buy into the principle of “LEMSDAY!” espoused by Ed Orgeron and other coaches who honor prior commitments made by the outgoing coach they’re replacing at a university. Indeed, as the column suggests, Jones may be doing Drews a favor by dumping him in time to shop around his commitment a bit; he would just play four years, never see the field, and spend the whole time wondering if he should have gone somewhere else.

It is not a rosy beginning to Jones’ life in Dallas, PR-wise. And who would have imagined that, given his previous history of silky-smooth media relations?

Dear Robert–

I am approaching the end of my life, a time you faced with great equanimity. You wrote:

Get correct views of life, and learn to see the world in its true light. It will enable you to live pleasantly, to do good, and, when summoned away, to leave without regret.

The uproarious comedy Glory.

And I’m trying to do just that General, but I saw a motion picture the other day with my son Steve that just troubled me. It’s called The Bucket List, and it features one of my favorite actors, Jack Nicholson. It also features Morgan Freeman, who starred in one of my favorite films ever, Glory, which is about the unholy ass-whipping the Confederates handed to to the Union at Fort Wagner. What a testament to their skill and bravery that film is!

The Bucket List made me realize how many things I’d left undone in my life, so after waking Steve up–that boy sleeps ’till 11 every damn day!–I made him take dictation until I was done listing the things I’d like to do before I’m called home to the plantation to sit with Jesus on the old porch of the afterlife.

My list is as follows.

1. Get this japanese yakuza full-body tat of The Bear leading Arkansas to victory in the Civil War removed.

2. Take a steamer to the Dark Continent to hunt rhinos and lions in the Upper Volta. (more…)