RECRUITING RUMORS YOU CAN USE!!!
The hottest in rumors from around the internets regarding recruiting! Who doesn’t love blind items!
–WHAT USC RECRUIT was wooed by Pete Carroll to USC by his promise of whole blood daily because he is actually A VAMPIRE???
–WHAT ACE RECRUITER was seen singing “Learn to Fly” on Rock Band at a recruit’s house and actually broke down in TEARS because his life at forty is a SHAMBLING WRECK OF WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN, making everyone present EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE IN THE PROCESS?
–WHO WAS SEEN BUYING BEER FOR THE 13 YEAR OLD SISTER OF A RECRUIT in order to prove he was cool enough to still identify with the kids?
(Surprise! It’s Paterno!)
–WHAT UNIVERSITY will be investigated by the NCAA for recruiting violations after it was shown that boosters handed recruits McDonald’s gift certificates worth DOZENS OF DOLLARS during campus visits?
(Surprise! It’s Iowa State.)
–WHAT NOTED VIOLATOR OF TINY NCAA RECRUITING LAWS robbed an In ‘N Out burger with a five star recruit this weekend “just to share the pure, unadulterated thrill of quick cash taken by force” with his shocked young counterpart?
–WHAT FIVE STAR RECRUIT made a FAMOUS HEAD COACH pee sitting down in front of a rolling camera just to earn a soft verbal out from him?
–WHAT COACH violates major recruiting rules by water-skiing past recruits’ houses and waving…EVEN WHERE THERE IS NO WATER?!?!?!
–WHAT NOTORIOUS RECRUITER HAS HAD HIS FINGERPRINTS seared off surgically to prevent fingerprints from showing up on hundred-dollar bills shoved into recruits’ pockets?
–WHAT FIVE STAR RECRUIT is actually a BEAR IN MEN’S CLOTHING?
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1
DC Trojan says:
WHAT USC RECRUIT was wooed by Pete Carroll to USC by his promise of whole blood daily because he is actually A VAMPIRE???
Do the undead have trouble with ACL injuries? If not, I hope theres more than one recruit from Nosferatu HS.
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:45 pm
2
Crabapple Buck says:
Oh those ISU Dollar Menuaires!
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:47 pm
3
beckett929 says:
WHAT COACH, after being ‘Stached one game against a 4-7 flounder, called recruits from his job, then quit said job after realizing great talent was too much for him to handle, too a job at a dying dinosaur of a university, then called the recruits again?
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:48 pm
4
Acorns says:
Can we answer [name redacted] in more than one place, ’cause I’m liking him for waterskiing AND In n’ Out. Actually, I think he skiied through the drive-through, doubly impressing/shocking the target of his affliction. As an aside, he said it’s the long fries that keep him coming back for more.
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:50 pm
5
Biggus Rickus says:
DC Trojan,
Only problem is that your superhuman players are only available for night games. Start relying too heavily on the undead and your road opponents need only schedule games during the day, and seeing as you’re in DC, you’d have to stay up until 3:00 a.m. to enjoy a televised home game.
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:53 pm
6
Acorns says:
By the way, this is why I don’t subscribe to Rivals or the other recruiting sites. Why pay for it when you can get it here for free? And with twice as much fun (maybe three times even)?
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:53 pm
7
yoyofutbawl says:
Are Chizik Nickels legal tender at Mickey Ds in Ames?
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
8
Scalz1 says:
What AD loses the coach who built his program from scratch, uses the Governer to help himm with coaching searches, and then launches a smear campaign against said coach to make him look bad ?
And, I think Orson and the rest of the UF faithful think the dying dinosaur’s condition has been greatly exaggerated.
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
9
Gnarls Woodson says:
Oh Beckett (#3) – You WVU fans truly are pathetic. Give it up man.
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:28 pm
10
Billy in Baton Rouge says:
1. — that has to be some long-lost member of the Clausen family.
2. Sounds like Jimbo Fisher to me.
5. That’s definitely Les Miles. They’re lucky In ‘n Out doesn’t sell taffy, or there would have surely been a bloodbath.
6. That’s totally Terrell Pryor and Rich Rodriguez. Pryor’s official EDSBS entrance song should totally be Piss on You.
7. Absolutely [name REDACTED]
8. Nick Saban.
9. How can that be anybody BUT The Orgeron?
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:30 pm
11
JB says:
I don’t believe it for a second. A 13 YO girl would much prefer Smirnoff Ice. Joe knows what the ladies like!
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
12
fallex says:
9. How can that be anybody BUT The Orgeron?
Because it said “WHAT … RECRUIT”
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
13
Herb says:
“–WHAT NOTORIOUS RECRUITER HAS HAD HIS FINGERPRINTS seared off surgically to prevent fingerprints from showing up on hundred-dollar bills shoved into recruits’ pockets?”
John “Black Santa” Blake?
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:22 pm
14
DC Trojan says:
Biggus Rickus @ 5 – I’m often up until three watching a WAC game anyway, so no big change there.
(I don’t have a college football problem, I could stop watching any time I want.)
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:40 pm
15
SavannahDawg says:
–WHAT NOTED VIOLATOR OF TINY NCAA RECRUITING LAWS robbed an In ‘N Out burger with a five star recruit this weekend “just to share the pure, unadulterated thrill of quick cash taken by force” with his shocked young counterpart?
I was unaware that Larry Sellers was a 5 star recruit. Said “noted violator” should be warned that admission into school might be an issue considering Larry’s social studies scores.
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:57 pm
16
Coop says:
#13 – Herb, you know good and well you are about to get raped by Butch Davis.
Remind me again what Davis’ record was against BC when Miami was full strength?
RJ Mattes, and a vastly overrated Brandon Barnes aside (have you ever seen a Rivals 5 star drop to a 3 star before NDS?), you guys are never going to be anything significant.
And, more importantly, we will be better than both you and your superior brother, 24 miles down the road.
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:31 pm
17
oc phil says:
#14 DC: Good God man, 3 AM for the WAC? I have two words for you: Tee Vo.
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:00 pm
18
DC Trojan says:
OC Phil @ 16 – that would require that I have the chance to watch it the next day. I stay up all hours because I live in a house with three females, 2 of whom are under the age of 6. The only unmolested sports viewing time is for SC games (non-negotiable*) and whatever I can catch after the small people are locked in their cages for the night.
*Along with World Cup and Euro finals.
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:32 pm
19
Out of Conference says:
DC – We love our kids greatly, but damn if I don’t look at the clock throughout the evening and count the time until their 8pm bedtime more times than I care to admit.
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:43 pm