Straight cash, homey: Randy Moss, if you’ll recall, pulled off the unique feat of getting kicked out of Florida State. We will always maintain that the only way this can really happen to someone is if they pull out an RPG and shoot a nun in the face in broad daylight in the middle of campus.

This may have happened with Randy Moss. We can’t prove it, but trust us: it’s a matter of scientific fact that this is precisely how it went down, because that’s the only way someone that talented got booted out of Bowden’s 1990s football Camelot. (Warsaw rules, boy!) No matter what actually happened (weed, allegedly) Moss then went to Marshall, where pulled his socks up way, way high so you could watch him waste those foolish enough to try and defend him.

Moss demonstrated the true form he would follow for the remainder of his career: 96 catches, 1820 yards, and 26 TDs on the year, all while being quoted by SI saying that the 1970 Marshall plane crash killing the entire team “was a tragedy, but it really wasn’t nothing big.” Tactful? No. A decent person? Who the fuck knows. Not us. All we know is that he ran a 4.25 at FSU, meaning we’d suspect him of being a 4.45 guy in real life if he hadn’t already demonstrated the ability to blow by 4.4 corners in the NFL.