JOE TILLER: THE HANDOVER
It being the respectable Midwest where things are done a certain way and in a certain manner, Joe Tiller has agreed on a handover plan for his retirement and the introduction of his successor, Eastern Kentucky. The negotiations went something like this.
University Counsel: Good morning, Coach Tiller.
Tiller: Hiya. We here to pick my successor?
UC: Yes, sir.
Tiller: Not by sneaking around old Joe’s back like some weaselly little shitminkins, right? Like you did last month?
UC: Yes, sir. No shitminking going on here. I thought we’d just go through the slides and get your reaction to each of them, since you’ve indicated you want to pick the next coach by sight alone.
Tiller: Yes. You can tell a good coach on sight. You just have to know what to look for.
UC: Okay, here’s candidate one.
Tiller: No fucking way! No. Nyet. No to the the power of my balls. No, no, and no. You tried to foist this shit on my last month, and I’ll be damned if I let you get your way, even if it does make sense. You know what I think of your sense?
UC: No, sir. (sighs.) What do you think of my sense, which represents the opinion of Purdue’s Board of Governors and not necessarily my own.
Tiller: Donkey apples to your sense, pindick. Next!
UC: Candidate two?
Brock Spack: Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!
Tiller: YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES–wait. That’s Spack, right? No! No, no, and no. Trust me here.
Brock Spack: But…
Tiller: No! Which is the opposite of yes!
Spack: …
UC: Okay, Coach, this leaves us with…
Tiller: YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES! JUST LOOK AT THE MAN! I’LL GO PICK HIM UP MYSELF!
UC: But don’t you…
Tiller: YES! THERE’S NO TIME, MAN! YES!
UC: But I have–
Tiller: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS: HIRE THE MAN YESTERDAY! YES I SAID YES I WILL YES!!!
Filed under: Big 10 Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Mustaches, coaching coup by Orson Swindle
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1
Must be the off-season, I only get the non-football allusions.
Comment by DC Trojan — January 15, 2008 @ 12:44 pm
2
Purdue Football: They can help you lead a better life
Comment by The Freewheelin' Charles Woodson — January 15, 2008 @ 12:49 pm
3
Purdue has brought in Eastern Kentucky head coach Danny Hope to be their AHC next season, and replace Tiller in 2009.
One of the rejects in the photos, the one with the mustache, is either Purdue’s OC or DC, and he has been stepped over for the job, but will remain on staff next season at Purdue.
The non-mustached guy, I have no clue who is. It has the Univ of Wiscy image on the photo, but that is not Bielemma, who would be crazy to leave Purdue for Wisconsin, anyway.
Comment by Coop — January 15, 2008 @ 12:49 pm
4
Hilarious, but…
… maybe you should steal other people’s bandwidth by hotlinking images. Looks like “unconfirmedsources.com” already figured you out and replaced the hotlinked image.
Really, hotlinking is a pretty dirty thing to do - especially from a highly trafficked blog like EDSBS
DIABEETUS!
Comment by Jason — January 15, 2008 @ 12:49 pm
5
“shouldn’t steal other people’s bandwidth”, that is.
Comment by Jason — January 15, 2008 @ 12:53 pm
6
Fixed, save for the Rivals hotlinking, which we’ll do all day.
Comment by Orson Swindle — January 15, 2008 @ 1:00 pm
7
The non-mustached guy is Paul Chryst, the OC at Wisconsin. Depending on who you believe (that bastion of journalistic integrity known as the Indy Star or Morgan Burke, the Purdue AD), Chryst either was or was not offered the job, and either turned it down or never had the opportunity.
The other candidate is Brock Spack, current DC at Purdue. His major selling point is that he cusses at IU license plates.
Danny Hope was the OL coach when Tiller came to Purdue from Wyoming, and put 7 lineman in the NFL, including Matt Light of the Patriots. Somebody had to protect Drew Brees, since Garret Bushong wasn’t on campus yet.
Comment by boilerpete — January 15, 2008 @ 1:01 pm
8
The Retired Joker Dept:
RE: Tiller: Isn’t that Nicholson in the ‘About Schmidt’ movie?
Comment by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me — January 15, 2008 @ 1:05 pm
9
O, were we in junior high, who am I kidding, or high school, and I heard #4 say that to you, I would dare you to kick his ass.
Matter of fact, you should just go and cyber kick his ass, whatever that entails.
Comment by Coop — January 15, 2008 @ 1:07 pm
10
Purdue had a DC?? And by that, I mean, Purdue had a defense? And someone was, in fact, in charge of it?
Comment by Anon — January 15, 2008 @ 1:16 pm
11
It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can’t sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and I took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife.
Comment by T-Bird, T-Bird I love you — January 15, 2008 @ 2:16 pm
12
#11
Sounds like diahbeetus!
Eat some oatmeal.
Then chase after Tom Cruise with your albino henchman.
The call Liberty Medical and check your blood sugar.
You’ll feel better.
Comment by Rival — January 15, 2008 @ 2:26 pm
13
I thought we banned all talk of the Big 10 til they won another MNC game…….is it me or do all fat, balding men with mustaches live for retiring to a ranch to become rustlers and wearing jean jackets with wool liners year round? Wilford Brimley would hotlink all day long as long as his Diabeetus doesnt flare up….
PGA golfer Craig Stadler would coach football if his Mustache Diabeetus doesnt flare up……
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 15, 2008 @ 2:26 pm
14
The photo of the ’stache in the oatmeal is a bit disturbing to me.
Note to self: no more eating lunch while reading EDSBS.
Comment by Geaux Irish — January 15, 2008 @ 2:50 pm
15
Nick Saban does not have time for this shit
Comment by haybeav — January 15, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
16
Things must be reel baaaad in Boilerland when you beat some directional skool from michigan by 3 pts on the last play of the game knowing they LOST to Clempson by 56 or something like that.
Comment by yoyofutbawl — January 15, 2008 @ 5:28 pm
17
Actually, no, that’s about par for the course. We had a couple of nice seasons, but other than those, all we expect are winning records and early bowl games. If we win the bowl, so much the better.
Prior to Tiller’s arrival, a good season was when someone else had to forfeit a game to us and we ended up with a winning record.
Sadly, that is not hyperbole.
Comment by zlionsfan — January 15, 2008 @ 6:04 pm
18
I love the action shot of Brock Spack on the sideline. That’s from the infamous “It’s 49-21, sweetheart” ND-Purdue game. Ahh, the dulcet tones of Ron Franklin, belittling a sideline reporter…. does it get any better?
Comment by PAK — January 15, 2008 @ 7:57 pm