OFFSEASON PLAGUES, TYPE ONE: SPECIOUS SLANDERMONGERING!

by Orson on Jan 14, 2008 1:52 PM EST

Psst! I'm bored!

Someone paid somebody because I swear a friend told his cousin that he saw him walking out of an office of a booster with truckloads of money! That's another fun side of the offseason, where all the free time begins to accumulate into piles of innuendo so thick you have to wonder if anyone can't keep their venerably corrupt programs straight anymore. (Really: what kind of a world is it when we can't just assume Bobby Lowder's paying the highest prices for recruits assume everyone's playing nice and fairsies? Geez, people.)

And it begins:

A Michigan booster has informed The Jock Rap.com that LSU head football coach Les Miles and the University could be facing an investigation into serious NCAA recruiting violations in the coming year. According to the source, violations were made during the last two recruiting seasons and stem from specific incidents allegedly taking place on the national college signing day over the past several years.

Of course they are. The NCAA's on the way. The Human Project's working to save humanity at this very moment. The Wizard will fix all of this. Really...when any source says that the NCAA is "about to pounce!" take this story and throw it in the nearest digital furnace, because the only thing the NCAA is ready to do is take a 90 minute lunch and file a few expense reports. You know, pretty much your standard afternoon.

Plus, don't you think that if Les Miles cheated, he'd do it in a ballsy kind of way, not the normal pansy skullduggery involving jobs and houses procured in parents' names? We envision him walking up just as a huge lineman gets ready to put on a USC hat, grabbing fistfuls of cash, and throwing at him until he picked up the LSU hat, screaming "Come join my damn fine football team! The power of Mr. Franklin compels you!" That's how Daddy Les-ticles would do it.

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Nick Saban doesn’t have time for this slandermongering shit.

by Brian "Hung Like Reggie F'n Nelson" on Jan 14, 2008 2:01 PM EST reply actions

isn’t that how we maintain the “ESS EEE SEE” speed?

by AUGrad on Jan 14, 2008 2:01 PM EST reply actions

Wow! A Michigan booster calling out Les Miles. That doesn’t make sense at all. That would be something like an LSU booster calling out Nick Saban, or an Ole Miss booster calling out Tub-of-ears.

by Picture Me Rollin on Jan 14, 2008 2:11 PM EST reply actions

Rick Nuehiesel laughs at Les Miles’ recruiting practices.

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Jan 14, 2008 2:15 PM EST reply actions

I imagine Les showing up to a recruit’s house in a suit, tennis shoes and his white hat with a briefcase full of cash in denominations of five and one dollar bills because “they’re harder to trace.” Then he laughs maniacally and the recruit agrees to go to LSU if he’ll only promise to stay away from his family.

by Biggus Rickus on Jan 14, 2008 2:20 PM EST reply actions

So this Michigan booster has “inside information” that the NCAA is about to bust LSU?!? Sounds like sour grapes to me…

I wonder if the same booster had anything to do with the Fab 5?

Just sayin’

by Tony the Tiger on Jan 14, 2008 2:35 PM EST reply actions

T the T, Of course it is sour grapes. But, comedic college footbaw material is hard to come by in the off season.

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Jan 14, 2008 2:37 PM EST reply actions

Every time Les shows up on a tv interview I await the spitspray when he speaks…haven’t seen it, just expect it. Does that make me a bad person? Kinda workin’ on the karma thing and all…

On another note, as a Gator, I have an ex-fiance who is an alum of both Michigan and Georgia…thinkin’ I’d let her give me some creative shit about the unexpected beatings her teams inflicted on mine…but, well, her name isn’t “my wife”, so I guess its best not to wake that sleepin’ dawg. Damn, when are these Ghosts of Athens Past going to leave me the hell alone!

by sb on Jan 14, 2008 2:39 PM EST reply actions

Does anybody else giggle uncontrolably at the thought of actually filing an expense report with a photocopy of one’s ass attached?

THANKS, SUBWAY!

by Aerobab on Jan 14, 2008 2:44 PM EST reply actions

Why would anyone wait until signing day to commit misconduct? If you’re going to cheat, cheat early and often.

by jbob on Jan 14, 2008 2:46 PM EST reply actions

Somehow, I don’t forsee any Upig boosters calling out Houston Nutt.

Someone needs to hire The Orgeron real quick before he signs up with WWE and whups Ric Flair and the cage in a cage match.

by yoyofutbawl on Jan 14, 2008 2:47 PM EST reply actions

I am sure the NCAA is looking into this. They need another excuse to do anything other than look into the house and cash that Reggie Bush and his family received.

Remember, the SEC cheats. The rest of you are all beautiful angels.

by TIGERinATL (no LSU fan) on Jan 14, 2008 2:48 PM EST reply actions

I’ve never understood the whole “big time booster” thing myself. So you’re a rich and influential person, and college athletics is the cause you’ve decided to hitch your cart to. Naturally, the people who go that route are going to be crackpots and jerks.

by Brian on Jan 14, 2008 2:48 PM EST reply actions

If you come play for LSU i will wrestle, kill, and devour this giant crawfish before your very eyes! COMEON!

by JB on Jan 14, 2008 2:50 PM EST reply actions

And don’t forget the taffy. Lots and lots of taffy.

by BDoc on Jan 14, 2008 2:51 PM EST reply actions

(Tongue firmly in cheek) If ya wanna know what really goes on with boosters and programs, watch “The Program”….thats how things get done…..moral of the story, take the money while ya can or end up penniless and poor with a knee injury…….all the chicks look like Halle Berry that they pay to do ya homework and they will go all “Monsters Ball” on your ass if u rush for 1,000 yrds…….I thought the guy they got to play Bobby Bowden,James Caan. looked a little young though….

by Mr Pelican Pants on Jan 14, 2008 3:02 PM EST reply actions

I was hoping SMU would hire Rick Neuheisal……that would be the final nail in that coffin as it gets sucked up into the perfect storm…….

by Mr Pelican Pants on Jan 14, 2008 3:03 PM EST reply actions

Maybe it’s because Les Miles told recruits Lloyd Carr had some bad disease and could die, which is why Lloyd didn’t want Les to be the next Michigan coach.

/rumor I read on the Interweb.

by Edsall is God on Jan 14, 2008 3:06 PM EST reply actions

I like to imagine that Les is the kind of guy who would kill a man for a recruit. And not with weapons, because weapons are for pussies.

by Dr. William S. McPimpslap, M.D. on Jan 14, 2008 3:25 PM EST reply actions

#13

I think you may have nailed it.

by Techie on Jan 14, 2008 3:49 PM EST reply actions

Pelican-

The REAL badass in the move was the University President, played by the fearsome Robert D. Raiford, Curmudgeon at Large of the John Boy & Billy Beeg Show.

Having tutored in the AD at two ess eee cee skools, I sez what goes on is far, far worse.

by yoyofutbawl on Jan 14, 2008 4:19 PM EST reply actions

Les Miles be makin’ it rain all kinds of cash up in that motha fucka. You think he’s scared of some pansy ass UM booster & the weasels at the NC2A? Les has chunks of guys like that in his stool.

by CLTDawg on Jan 14, 2008 4:40 PM EST reply actions