THE TEN MOMENTS OF PURE MALICIOUS FATE, 2007:
We recap the most malicious strokes of fate for 2007. Did you leave the iron on? Because that will burn your whole house down.
5. Whiff! Tackle! Fumble! Weeping! You’ve got the ball, you’re down 14-13 in a tight ball game against a team with an iron deficient offense, and they’re 1:24 left on the clock. What would shock the hell out of someone? Really finish the game off? How about a pass? WITHOUT PASS PROTECTION! BOLD!
We’re not sure if the malicious stroke of fate in this case is Quentin Groves planting you face-first into the turf and causing you to fumble and losing the game for you or the offensive coordinator making this call in the first place. Either way, though, life hates you, and the tire blowout that sent you flying into oncoming traffic was no accident. Your mistake was showing up in the first place.
(Edited from the original. Our apologies for the usual errors.)
Filed under: Big 12 Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Southeastern Conference, alas by Orson Swindle
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1
I don’t remember this game, but doesn’t the score say Auburn 16 and K-State 13?
Comment by Bucktown Skins Fan — January 10, 2008 @ 1:54 pm
2
Correction:
Auburn had just scored via Brandon Cox to go AHEAD 14-13. Then Q Groves/Antonio Colemon (Quentin Jr) worked their magic. Just thought Id clear that up. K State was not ahead when that happened, you can even check the score on the video
Comment by bordete — January 10, 2008 @ 1:54 pm
3
i correct myself…16-13, Auburn
Comment by bordete — January 10, 2008 @ 1:55 pm
4
Yeah, but Auburn’s a “shitty team” or a “retarded kid” if you like, so it doesn’t really matter.
Comment by Gurn — January 10, 2008 @ 1:56 pm
5
Yeah, if you’re down by three with 1:24 to play, I don’t see what’s wrong with passing. Boy I hope #4 is better than this one!
Comment by Kevin McGuire — January 10, 2008 @ 1:57 pm
6
This game was vintage CTT Auburn though…wait around until the 4th Quarter to decide the game. You may crap your pants, but you know you’ll get a good game.
Incidentally, this exact same strategy bit them on the ass against USF, and UGA didn’t feel like waiting around to decide the game, but I digress…
Comment by Eric — January 10, 2008 @ 1:58 pm
7
We might need a recount on this one.
Even though the score was wrong, it’s still a crushing blow. Not sure it rates at #4.
BTW, I think I saw a chop block.
Comment by ChemE93 — January 10, 2008 @ 1:59 pm
8
Corrected, all.
And Gurn: that’s “big retarded kid with a stick.” You just can’t beat them with your silly spread offense ninja shit. They just hold you down and beat you.
Comment by Orson Swindle — January 10, 2008 @ 1:59 pm
9
The cruel hand of fate was whomever decided Kansas State was OK at left tackle. Someone call DHR, that guy was routinely abused by the power of the dreads.
Comment by Kenny — January 10, 2008 @ 2:00 pm
10
Funny that K-State almost beat Auburn on the road, crushed Texas on the road and couldn’t make one of the 50 bowl games.
After watching K-State almost win this game, i bet the HOUSE on USF beating Auburn the next week and made buck. Took USF straight-up even though they were dogs…funded a keg.
Comment by Edsall is God — January 10, 2008 @ 2:16 pm
11
Thanks, Orson.
But I got the “shitty team” thingy right? Good.
Shitty at 9-4 and beat UF on the road.
Got it.
PS
Tebow’s a crybaby cunt.
Comment by Gurn — January 10, 2008 @ 2:21 pm
12
#10 - what kind of bet on the money line only funds one keg? You should have been able to fund a 20 kegger if you bet USF to win! Maybe I’m reading your post wrong.
I love the bet though; I took USF to cover but didn’t have the balls to take them to win. Good call sir.
Comment by Bama93 — January 10, 2008 @ 2:33 pm
13
Oh, and WJOX in Birmingham is reporting Major Applewhite to Tejas.
Comment by Gurn — January 10, 2008 @ 2:38 pm
14
Gurn: incorrect. We called them the following things.
1. The ” most intimidating, tough, and well-coached shitty team ever”, which we stand by.
2. “A big strong retard” who beats up ninjas.
Comment by Orson Swindle — January 10, 2008 @ 2:49 pm
15
Damn Gurn, awful cranky today.
That HIV test come back positive?
Comment by Sutpen — January 10, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
16
Auburn is a shitty team? They are one of the teams that make up OSU’s 0-9 record against SEC bowl teams.
Comment by Dr. Ed PHD.XYZ — January 11, 2008 @ 7:37 am
17
Auburn also beat the gators the last 2 years. And the guy that took USF straight up is full of it. Anybody that bet like that is probably living in a cardboard box eating out of a dumpster.
Comment by Dr. Ed PHD.XYZ — January 11, 2008 @ 7:42 am
18
#15
I actually think Gurn IS the retard.
Comment by NativeSon — January 11, 2008 @ 3:13 pm