THE TEN MOMENTS OF PURE MALICIOUS FATE, 2007: MIKE THE MIDGET KILLS BAMA

by Orson on Jan 10, 2008 12:10 PM EST

We recap the ten most painful and malicious moments of the 2007 season. Life isn't fair. Are you alone right now? Don't you think that's a bit...dangerous?

7. Mikey Henderson stabs you in the heart. Little can help soothe the pain of an overtime loss at home, but you know what you can try? Nothing. You thought we had some cheery recommendation there, didn't you? We didn't: it's a hole that never goes away, no matter how much booze, crack, consumer spending, or reckless sex you pour into it.

Ask Alabama fans, who somehow gave up a game-winning and game-ending TD to Mikey Henderson from Matthew Stafford. We recommend you become a friend of horror. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends.

Meaning Alabama fans should send cakes and gifts to Stafford and Henderson, because this will be horror for the remainder of the offseason for Tide fans.

You can almost hear Bama fans: "HOW THE HELL DOES A 5' 9" WIDEOUT DO THAT!" With malicious fate pushing at his back, of course.

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And I was just getting over it, thanks. My head should fit into my oven I think

by Tarpon on Jan 10, 2008 12:13 PM EST reply actions

Happiness
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For other uses, see Happiness (disambiguation).
“Happy” redirects here. For other uses, see Happy (disambiguation).

Joy, tacuinum sanitatis casanatensis (XIV century)Happiness is an emotion in which one experiences feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense joy.

by Bobby Decatur on Jan 10, 2008 12:16 PM EST reply actions

Is that the play where Mike Patrick was blabbing on about Britney Spears right beforehand? I remember thinking wtf is he talking about and then the game was over.

by Middle America on Jan 10, 2008 12:23 PM EST reply actions

I thought the worst one was DJ Hall dropping the ball in the end zone against Auburn, and the CB picking it off. I think that is the one that haunts Alabama fans the most.

by Kenny on Jan 10, 2008 12:23 PM EST reply actions

I love this clip. The official “End of the Honeymoon” for Bama fans and Nick the Dick.

by Eric on Jan 10, 2008 12:23 PM EST reply actions

Don’t get cunty, everyone still has his back.

by Tarpon on Jan 10, 2008 12:27 PM EST reply actions

I’m pretty sure the Mullet Nation was on a glide path to the National Championship before that play.

After all, they’d beaten AR-Kansas with they help of the Meth Ref only a week or two before.

Bama’s back.

by Gurn on Jan 10, 2008 12:29 PM EST reply actions

Nice coverage technique by the cb. Bama should try to pick up an expert secondary coach in the off season.

by Unhappy Monkey on Jan 10, 2008 12:29 PM EST reply actions

Did we ever find out what Britney was doing with her life?

by Grimey on Jan 10, 2008 12:32 PM EST reply actions

- I’d totally forgotten about that. Maybe Dr. Phil could help answer that question.

Between that statement and his constant bitching about gaining 10 pounds throughout the bowl season, I think it’s safe to say that Mike Patrick is, in fact, more of a woman than Pam Ward.

by Eric on Jan 10, 2008 12:51 PM EST reply actions

If anyone finds a brick in the BDS broadcast booth, it’s the one Scott Howard shit while screaming “TOUCHDOWN”

God, am I glad I got to be there for that game. Also glad that poor Mikey made it out from under that end-zone dogpile alive, or else this’d be another one of those “OMG Dorsey got murdered”-style clips.

by Doug on Jan 10, 2008 1:00 PM EST reply actions

Hell of a play, and I would have called it too. Bama really had a chance of keeping it from overtime, which is usually a smart thing to do, considering we don’t beat anyone but Ole Miss in OT. Ever.

by Sad State of Affairs on Jan 10, 2008 1:03 PM EST reply actions

sorry gurn, but “mullet nation” describes like 9 sec teams’ fanbases.

by gerry dorsey on Jan 10, 2008 1:14 PM EST reply actions

Hate to break it to YOU, dorsey, but it doesn’t when I’m talking.

Here’s exhibit A:

http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2006/10/23/we-believe-in-a-thing-called-love-even-when-it-wears-a-mullet/

Keep talking shit. I can find a bunch more, Daywalker.

by Gurn on Jan 10, 2008 1:33 PM EST reply actions

FYI: The phrase, “Don’t get cunty,” made my day.

Thank you.

by Jamie Gillis on Jan 10, 2008 1:35 PM EST reply actions

AARRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!

by kleph on Jan 10, 2008 1:41 PM EST reply actions

Hell Mullet Nation describes half of Ohio and the Big 10, where everyday is 1987…..typically,if you go into any trailer park, you’ll find meth, and whats left of the mullet that has caught on fire in the last explosion, and typically from any fan base, maybe even Toledo….
You cant cover midgets cause you’re too worried about tripping over them the whole time, or stepping on them…..it aint the midget we are worried bout, its that Moreno guy that needs to go pro as a Soph……

by Mr Pelican Pants on Jan 10, 2008 1:58 PM EST reply actions

Hell, if your wanting to see what killed Bama, JPW has a highlight reel of all his greatest missteps, all on DVD for $19.95….I’m sure, like the rest of anything he is involved in, it will be intercepted and delivered to a wrong address….Pick any of the following:
Fumble vs LSU, INT vs Miss ST, Fumble vs Fla St, the whole ULM game….you get the idea…..

by Mr Pelican Pants on Jan 10, 2008 2:04 PM EST reply actions

gurn,

take your ritalin bro…i wasn’t even talking shit. i also wasn’t denying bama has mullets amongst its followers…just that they’re not the only ones.

exhibit a and b:

and unless you don’t know the definition of “daywalker,” you’re a fucking idiot.

by gerry dorsey on Jan 10, 2008 2:05 PM EST reply actions

No, no. I know the definition of “daywalker.”

I just think it’s a safe default position to assume an Alabummah fan is a daywalker. If he/she actually attended ANY college, so much the better; if he/she went to UAT, well, that’s just gravy, now, idn it?

by Gurn on Jan 10, 2008 2:29 PM EST reply actions