THE TEN MOMENTS OF PURE MALICIOUS FATE, 2007: DORSEY GOES DOWN
Remember: life’s not out to get you . Life will get you, and by “get” we mean “turn into a pile of dessicated bones buried beneath the crushing weight of the earth.” The top ten moments of malicious fate striking for 2007 await you, even if you happened to win the national title.
9. Glenn Dorsey gets chop-blocked.
Oh, sure. Be an optimist. Say it all ended well. Fine–just because fate misses with a bullet doesn’t mean it doesn’t do any damage. All the bitching about having a two-loss BCS winner would be moot if Dorsey hadn’t nearly been maimed by Auburn’s offensive line, who executed chop blocks on tape in both the LSU game and in the Peach Bowl. Without Dorsey and Ricky Jean-Francois (out for season with sprained cerebrum,) LSU had to rely more and more on blitzing for pressure, leaving holes open in the pass D for Kentucky’s endless screens and taking the functional permanent double team out of the middle for the Arkansas game.
Sure, call it a happy ending if you want Pollyanna. We’ll be waiting here with the bucket of tears and bouquet of black flowers for when it all goes sour somehow eventually.
To be continued. Watch your back in the meantime: we don’t think it’s a tumor, we know it is…
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1
MAB says:
Auburn’s Offensive Line should be suspended for the entire 2008 season.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:38 am
2
Biggus Rickus says:
Considering the trouble they have blocking people I think the greater punishment is to force them to play.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:39 am
3
Geaux Irish says:
The coaches should feel the biggest amount of blame for teaching the technique.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:42 am
4
Olive says:
Does #1 get the inaugural Ty Prothro trophy?
January 10th, 2008 at 11:45 am
5
Last Dragon says:
I think you mean LSU’s defense had to rely on the blitz more. Not to be an asshole. Just saying……….
January 10th, 2008 at 11:46 am
6
Biggus Rickus says:
Ears told us they don’t teach it. It’s those damned players taking it upon themselves to try to end the careers of promising defensive linemen. Ears hates it, and wants them to stop, but what can he do? Punish them? Well, then you’re just begging for a lawsuit. His hands are tied by our own damn legal system. It’s those pig fuckers in Washington that should get the blame.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:47 am
7
Bobby Decatur says:
So if someone with more direct experience could tell me, perhaps a former lineman type…..is shit like this coached and aculturized, or is it more of an individual bad decision precipitated by something like a present traumatic stress disorder?
January 10th, 2008 at 11:50 am
8
Erdinger says:
“What happened here today was a miracle and I want you to fucking acknowledge it! “
January 10th, 2008 at 11:51 am
9
Eric says:
Uhhhhh….LSU played Kentucky before Auburn, and with a healthy Glenn Dorsey. Didn’t help much, did it?
Last I checked, BTW, LSU won this game…and was also the most penalized team in the SEC. They really can’t bitch about dirty play since it’s a large part of their gameplan.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:54 am
10
Biggus Rickus says:
Bobby D,
If it happens once and the player is yanked and verbally eviscerated by his coaches then it’s the latter. When it happens twice (that we saw) with nary a flinch from the sidelines, well, I have to lean toward the former.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:56 am
11
chainsaw says:
LSU’s penalties were not from’ dirty play’ they were from our extremely ‘forgetful’ athletes making dumb mistakes. much like the gators last year. Wetard
January 10th, 2008 at 11:58 am
12
Bobby Decatur says:
Huh. That’s some fucked up juju.
There’s a tiny part of me that’s delighted to have a corporeal reason to viciously hate Auburn now though…
January 10th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
13
Joshua says:
Eric, if you can’t see the difference between a metric shit ton of false starts and illegal formations, which is what LSU tried to set a record in and the chickenshit, end-a-guys-career, 2-girls-1-cup drrty play the War Beagles were putting out there, please do the world a favor and shoot yourself. Give the gun a hummer and pull the trigger. You’re using oxygen that asphyxiating children in Ethiopia could use. If not, just stop being a little bitch and don’t post.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
14
TigerNacho says:
Sweep the leg!
January 10th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
15
Bobby Decatur says:
Oh SNAP.
No pun intended….
January 10th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
16
ChemE93 says:
While the chop block is bad, something that seems to have gotten lost (because CBS continued to blather falsehoods) is that it didn’t cause him to miss significant playing time. He had already gotten hurt earlier in the game on a normal play. He actually played again in the Auburn game. He missed the Arkansas game due to BACK SPASMS. I’m no doctor, but I don’t think chop blocks are aimed at the back.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
17
booty for prez says:
yes, dorsey is fine now but he was clearly bothered by this throughout the season. bottom line is that it was a cheap shot but one most fans could get over as being a fluke thing (which is to say, not coached) or the result of a freshman getting beat and being an asshole about it (chaz ramsey). however, when it happened in the clemson game, well, i wouldn’t be very proud of my school if i was an auburn grad. i mean, it’s not like tubberville was ever accused of being a classy individual before (stomping on the eye in tiger stadium, lighting victory cigars on the same field…i’m sure there are others), but this is ridiculous.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
18
gerry dorsey says:
joshy i’m pretty sure any and all mentions of “2 girls 1 cup” is strictly forbidden on this family blog.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
19
GenTso says:
? I played football in high school and briefly in college. I was a lineman and played both sides of the ball at times as either an offensive tackle or nose guard. Chop blocks are part of the game just as much as holding is part of the game. Just like you could call a hold on every play ? I?m talking to you Andre Smith ? you can also call a chop block on every play. I can?t tell you how many times I was lined up at nose tackle and had the center hit me high and the guard hit me low on plays coming through the one or two gap. There were also traps where I was lined up against a pulling guard and the tackle blocked down on me. If I was able to anticipate the snap count and get off on the ball at the same time as the offense, I had a step inside on the tackle and his only option to block me at all was to go low and neutralize my advantage by making me fall. Chop blocks are part of the game and I never felt that it was the intention of the offensive linemen to deliberately hurt me with those blocks and it was never my intention to hurt anyone when I played offensive tackle and did the same thing.
I won’t defend the block on Dorsey, but any real football fan that watched Peach Bowl and the replay of that play could see that the block by Ryan Pugh was clearly unintentional. However, I thought the play should have been called clipping since Ryan Pugh really hit the Clemson player from behind. The Clemson player was clearly engaged by Tyronne Green and in the process of running through his block when Pugh came into the play. Pugh was trying to make up for the fact Green got burned and couldn’t even hold up the defender for half a second. In those instances instinct some time takes over and you make stupid mistakes. Go back and watch the play. Can you honestly tell me there would have been a chop block anyway if the Clemson defensive tackle hadn’t blown through his initial block? I don’t think so. Either way it was a stupid rookie mistake. You can?t coach instinct, but you can learn from your mistakes.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
20
karlhungus12 says:
So, do you think that we teach this technique? If so, how do we practice? Do we chop block our own players in practice or do we round up homeless people and use them as blocking dummies to hone our evil chop blocking schemes? Hugh Nall has been an O-Line coach for most of his life. Kind of strange that he apparently just started teaching the chop block.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
21
sevenDs says:
Hey Joshua, I guess the team in the yellow helmets wasn’t LSU.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFtVrMHv9P0
In my opinion,chop blocks are the most dangerous single penalty, but two in the past ten years does not constitute a “dirty program.”
Funny though, you’ll hear Bama fans saying that Auburn is called for it every year, but there haven’t been any before the Dorsey one.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
22
T-Bird, T-Bird I love you says:
This play actually increased Glenn Dorsey’s draft stock by showing he has elastic knees that won’t break. Like Bobby in Decatur said, people are just looking for a reason to hate. Talk to anyone that plays on the line and you’ll know this happens constantly, just not normally out in the open where everyone can see it blatantly on TV. If any of you pecker heads had played offensive line you would know this was a mistake by the tackle who got his assignment confused (being a freshman will do that), As for the one in the Clemson game, I didn’t see it so I can’t comment. So I’ll just say a combination of “Auburn’s dirty”, “I hate Auburn”, “SEC Cheats”, “Auburn Cheats”, or “Roll Tide”
January 10th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
23
Mr Pelican Pants says:
No to defend Auburn by any means, more than likely those guys were getting whooped by Dorsey and was trying to slow him down, but are we talking bout the same Dorsey that throws right crosses on the chin on the O-Line, like vs Florida??? Am I wrong? hell if I got punched in the chin and the teeth,and got my eyes raked almost every play, that cheap mofo is goin down…….
January 10th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
24
ChemE93 says:
The main reason this is such an issue is because: 1.) CBS latched onto it and wouldn’t shut up about it for weeks, even when it was long past relevant; 2.) SEC rivals looking for a reason to hate (which I can certainly relate to).
Bad play? Yes. Penalty? Yes. Track record of this happening at Auburn under CTT/CHN? No.
In terms of dirty and dangerous, #8 from the Bowling Green/Tulsa game was far worse. Desperately seeking knee injury doesn’t compare to desperately seeking head injury.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
25
gerry dorsey says:
sevenDs,
those were nothing but false starts and illegal formations.
January 10th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
26
Futbawl Fan says:
Auburn is hard at work practicing the chop block on DT robots invented in the engineering… those artificial knees need testing too yanno
they are also testing JATO butt pads for running backs, radar ball detectors in the helmet for DBs, and jaws of death claws capable of reaching 6ft in front of you when activated
all with the help of captured alien technology … see here: http://video.aol.com/video-detail/ufo-sighting-over-alabama/1833986375
January 10th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
27
DixielandZ says:
Anybody who truely believes that Auburn is coaching this chop block bullsh$t, is a complete moron (read: BAMA fan). Freshman lineman make mistakes, hell senior linemen make mistakes. Yes, i was very upset that Auburn did it again the bowl game – not because it confirmed to me they were coaching or doing it intentionally – but because i just knew it would be spun that way. Anyone who has played a linemen position can tell you this happens way more often than called, is very rarely intentional, and uncalled (uncaught) penalties happen in every single game. Grow the f up and concentrate on improving your team and winning games, not finding reasons why its not your fault you didn’t win.
BTW: congrats to LSU and Dorsey – great team and great player.
January 10th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
28
Joshua says:
Oh you me. You got me now. That video is garbage. Everything that crybaby bitch whined about in that video was called. The only part he left out was the yellow flag coming in and the ref making the call. USC, I’m sorry you sucked and got whupped. But way to cry like a champion afterwards. And nice try attempting to bring that weak shit sevenDs.
And Gerry, I’m pretty sure I remember you dismissing that video back in the day. But nice job trying to antagonize. I guess that’s all a Tahd fan has left these days.
January 10th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
29
Joshua says:
T-Bird,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-LkCvNK2iM
Yeah, ole Chaz is confused. He got made into a sit-down-when-you-piss, bitch ass girlfriend by Dorsey earlier that same game. But of course, there’s no way that obvious chop block was just a moment of revenge, just teenage confusion.
Lovingly,
Your Pecker Head
January 10th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
30
Unhappy Monkey says:
The chop blocks could be intentional or two times may just be coincidence. If there is a third by Auburn next year, is that enough to swing the preponderance of evidenc to intentional? A fourth? How many?
In any case, Auburn is awfully unlucky, they have two and I am not aware of one by any of the other 118 D1 teams this year. If anyone can point to one, I would be interested in seeing it.
January 10th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
31
sevenDs says:
Joshua, so you’re saying if the refs call it then it’s not dirty? You can face mask and spear all you want, aas long as it’s called. That means the only “dirty” play was against Dorsey.
The only “weak shit” being brought is your sense of logic.
January 10th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
32
sevenDs says:
I meant “as long as it’s called”
Sorry for the extra ass.
January 10th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
33
crimson daddy says:
#20
I’m not sure how they practice it, but I do know that the price of lamb forequarters have gone down dramatically in the last few months.
January 10th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
34
karlhungus12 says:
Of course there were chop blocks called this year on other teams. Are you kidding? There were probably dozens. However, these are the only two that I can recall that resulted in injury and were on national TV. The Dorsey block was not even called a penalty. It was only noticed because he got hurt.
January 10th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
35
Unhappy Monkey says:
karlhungus12 —
Don’t get indignant, all I wrote was that I was not personally aware of any other chop block this season and requested that anyone refer me to one if they were. I see you are not aware of any either.
January 10th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
36
John In Huntsville says:
I knew this would bring out every limp-dicked Auburn apologist and spinmeister. The fact is, Auburn was called for chop-blocking three times in the 2006 season, and got away with a few more in other games.
Anyone who claims that “freshman lineman” are more prone to this “mistake” blows donkey dicks. As if you aren’t taught not to do this from pee-wee all the way through high school.
Hugh Nall is the master of the chop, and Tuberville has always used the leg-whip, and the knee/elbow combo to the kidney. Ask any member of a SEC coaching staff. Auburn plays dirty football.
January 10th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
37
Tony Franklin says:
The reason I came to the barn was because I invented the chop block and noticed it wasn’t being done right. When you chop block you are SUPPOSED to tear ligaments, not just hurt someone really badly. We wan’t to ruin careers here. Will Muschamp was a pussy and left because I chop blocked his ass after the Chic fil a bowl when he got to close to my case of Jack Daniels. Tony Franklin will not put up with pussies who will not chop block and that is why you saw the 2nd noticed one during the bowl game.. they brought me here to exploit our best weapon and we thought we were being robbed by only being accused of one chop block this year. Tony Franklin will also take over as DC because I invented Defense back when I was at Kentucky and taught the world the spread no huddle attack. You got to know defense when you invent such a massive weapon as I did. By the way this time I will keep my cheating on the down low because we are on death penalty watch and sit a top of schools for being put on probation the most (7) .. That is 6 1/2 more times than we’ve won the NTL championship and thay aint happenin on Tony Franklins watch. 1957* baby! Tony Franklin.
Tony Franklin
Tony Franklin
Tony…Frank
lin
wah eagle, hey?
January 11th, 2008 at 12:36 am
38
sevenDs says:
Hey John, there were no chop blocks called against Auburn in 2006. I see you’re inventing thngs agian, just like six of your “12″ MNCs.
Typical Bammer, if the truth doesn’t suit you make up your own.
January 11th, 2008 at 9:53 am
39
crimson daddy says:
sevenDs
Did you get that name looking at Kenny Irons’ transcripts from the last two semesters?
January 11th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
40
John In Huntsville says:
SevenDickhead,
Hart (twice) and Dunlap were both called for chop-blocking in 2006. Against Washington State it was so prevalent that the ref warned both sidelines to cut it out.
Auburn chopped a Vandy defensive lineman this year, but it was incorrectly assessed as a “personal foul”.
An equally nasty technique is the kidney punch. Watch any Auburn defensive series and notice how many times they attempt to spike the when tackling the opposing RB on running plays. Nall calls this “part of the attrition process”.
January 12th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
41
Dr. Ed PHD.XYZ says:
I guess beating the Gators 2 years in a row gets a little had for some people to handle?
January 13th, 2008 at 6:28 am