Remember: life’s not out to get you . Life will get you, and by “get” we mean “turn into a pile of dessicated bones buried beneath the crushing weight of the earth.” The top ten moments of malicious fate striking for 2007 await you, even if you happened to win the national title.

9. Glenn Dorsey gets chop-blocked.

Oh, sure. Be an optimist. Say it all ended well. Fine–just because fate misses with a bullet doesn’t mean it doesn’t do any damage. All the bitching about having a two-loss BCS winner would be moot if Dorsey hadn’t nearly been maimed by Auburn’s offensive line, who executed chop blocks on tape in both the LSU game and in the Peach Bowl. Without Dorsey and Ricky Jean-Francois (out for season with sprained cerebrum,) LSU had to rely more and more on blitzing for pressure, leaving holes open in the pass D for Kentucky’s endless screens and taking the functional permanent double team out of the middle for the Arkansas game.

Sure, call it a happy ending if you want Pollyanna. We’ll be waiting here with the bucket of tears and bouquet of black flowers for when it all goes sour somehow eventually.

To be continued. Watch your back in the meantime: we don’t think it’s a tumor, we know it is…