…is over at the Sporting Blog, thus forcing you to click there. Ha-ha! Asshole media synergy strikes! You can also check out our latest column over there, which is about how nothing changes in football until the Pac-10 and Big Ten get paid.

However, as an apology for being a media whore, we offer Brazilian bunda of the highest quality. Do not look at this on your Blackberry while driving, because you’ll crash, then the cop will come to investigate, then he’ll start looking at it, then other people will start pulling over to take a look, and pretty soon we’re all drooling on the side of the road watching traffic pile up and not caring at all, so taken are we by the magical bunda.

Please: enjoy! And note that while there is no nudity, there is a picture of a woman with a very large but well-shaped ass in a thong, which is not exactly work-prudent if work-safe. So click after the jump with discretion, and enjoy your weekend.

Not bunda. Keep going.

(more…)

Sometimes the wolves attack in pairs. Sometimes in packs. Either way, they’re coming. Here’s number two in our ongoing list of endlessly painful moments from 2007.

Dennis Dixon: Man, I can’t believe this. Heisman. Shot at the National title game. A possibility of finishing out a dominant season with a Pac-10 championship and going to New Orleans. Finally putting Oregon over the top. God, I can’t wait to get this pass off–

Knee: So sorry. Other plans. (POP!)

Unmistakably cruel and random? Check all the boxes. This one’s a perfect ten.

Number One’s coming, and it’s not App State. App State didn’t cost Michigan a national title shot. You can’t blame a lion for eating you when you’re wearing–yup–baconpants. This one’s actually worse.

The real pain begins. The good news is you only have to remember it for the rest of your life, which probably isn’t as long as you think it will be..

Number three: No no no no no no no. The kid’ll just throw the ball through the back of the endzone, right? Or get out of bounds in time? I mean, he’ll have to, right? There’s no way he’ll kill this comeback by just putting us out there on the grill sizzling in the clock? Not when we’ve been number one for an hour and a half? Nah, he’ll….

Time is the fire in which we all burn, Jeff Tedford. Of all of these, this is the one that would make us wake up screaming at night as a coach. You’ll see why when you see numbers two and one, but when the disaster is entirely manmade, you can’t even plea to the gods to intervene.

Numbers two and one to come. They’ll hurt.

Number four in our ongoing moments of horror from the season. Is your throat scratchy? You know, AIDS doesn’t show symptoms for years. It won’t matter, though, with global warming and all.

4. Eight men versus two. You’ve subdued Matt Ryan for the better part of four quarters and–though you don’t know this at time (you never do, mercifully)–are riding a shot to the national title game down to the wire with undefeated Boston College. I mean, the guy’s looked like cold slices of rat ass the whole game, and you’ve got him throwing into an eight man coverage. This shit is over. Hey, have you ever been to New Orleans? I mean, it’s conceivable that a one-loss team could make the game, right? I mean, not a two loss team, but a one-loss team is certainly possible? I hear there’s this great restaurant over in the CBD–

–oh, fuck.

To be continued. Going on vacation? Why? You’ll just be risking plane travel and road travel, thus doubling your risk of being killed by high-speed trauma. Just stay at home on the internet instead.

We recap the most malicious strokes of fate for 2007. Did you leave the iron on? Because that will burn your whole house down.

5. Whiff! Tackle! Fumble! Weeping! You’ve got the ball, you’re down 14-13 in a tight ball game against a team with an iron deficient offense, and they’re 1:24 left on the clock. What would shock the hell out of someone? Really finish the game off? How about a pass? WITHOUT PASS PROTECTION! BOLD!

We’re not sure if the malicious stroke of fate in this case is Quentin Groves planting you face-first into the turf and causing you to fumble and losing the game for you or the offensive coordinator making this call in the first place. Either way, though, life hates you, and the tire blowout that sent you flying into oncoming traffic was no accident. Your mistake was showing up in the first place.

(Edited from the original. Our apologies for the usual errors.)

We’re counting down the most malicious strikes of evil fate of 2007. Do you have a fever? Man, that could be anything.

It’s a beautiful day DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…and the cd starts skipping wildly when UCLA, playing inspired comeback football against BYU with an interim coach and nothing to lose, drives down the field for a sure game-winning field goal that soars off the gilded toe of UCLA’s kicker and into the…hands of a huge Samoan, Eathyn Manumaleuna.

The block ended the comeback, preserved a 17-16 win for BYU, and ruined the script. Now we won’t be able to sell it for anything! WHAT THE HELL DID I GET MY FUCKING M.F.A. FOR ANYWAY, HUH! YOU’VE RUINED EVERYTHING!

To be continued, because they get much, much worse. Do you ever worry about how many unsecured nuclear weapons there are in this world? Because you should.

We recap the ten most painful and malicious moments of the 2007 season. Life isn’t fair. Are you alone right now? Don’t you think that’s a bit…dangerous?

7. Mikey Henderson stabs you in the heart. Little can help soothe the pain of an overtime loss at home, but you know what you can try? Nothing. You thought we had some cheery recommendation there, didn’t you? We didn’t: it’s a hole that never goes away, no matter how much booze, crack, consumer spending, or reckless sex you pour into it.

Ask Alabama fans, who somehow gave up a game-winning and game-ending TD to Mikey Henderson from Matthew Stafford. We recommend you become a friend of horror. It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face… and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends.

Meaning Alabama fans should send cakes and gifts to Stafford and Henderson, because this will be horror for the remainder of the offseason for Tide fans.

You can almost hear Bama fans: “HOW THE HELL DOES A 5′ 9″ WIDEOUT DO THAT!” With malicious fate pushing at his back, of course.

We recap the ten most horrible moments of pure malicious fate today. That person in the mirror is following you and cannot be killed by bullets.

8. Bowling Green gets blowed up. You lose any glamour rating you had by ending up in the GMAC Bowl, you lose part of your holiday to a stay in Mobile, you probably lose a few days good conditioning when you gorge yourself on fried shrimp, and then you lose your football mind against a Tulsa team that outgains you by 333 yards and posts a 35-0 lead at the half of what would eventually metastasize into a 65-7 disexplodadecapitationationism.

It also helps when referees call nothing in the department of helmet to helmet.

Matt Sussman is disappointed in your effort, Falcons.

To be continued. That noise in your house can’t possibly be the walls cracking from the sucking force of a sinkhole. It’s probably just a hellmouth opening under the foundation, that’s all.

Remember: life’s not out to get you . Life will get you, and by “get” we mean “turn into a pile of dessicated bones buried beneath the crushing weight of the earth.” The top ten moments of malicious fate striking for 2007 await you, even if you happened to win the national title.

9. Glenn Dorsey gets chop-blocked.

Oh, sure. Be an optimist. Say it all ended well. Fine–just because fate misses with a bullet doesn’t mean it doesn’t do any damage. All the bitching about having a two-loss BCS winner would be moot if Dorsey hadn’t nearly been maimed by Auburn’s offensive line, who executed chop blocks on tape in both the LSU game and in the Peach Bowl. Without Dorsey and Ricky Jean-Francois (out for season with sprained cerebrum,) LSU had to rely more and more on blitzing for pressure, leaving holes open in the pass D for Kentucky’s endless screens and taking the functional permanent double team out of the middle for the Arkansas game.

Sure, call it a happy ending if you want Pollyanna. We’ll be waiting here with the bucket of tears and bouquet of black flowers for when it all goes sour somehow eventually.

To be continued. Watch your back in the meantime: we don’t think it’s a tumor, we know it is…

Remember: life’s not out to get you . Life will get you, and by “get” we mean “turn into a pile of dessicated bones buried beneath the crushing weight of the earth.” The top ten moments of malicious fate striking for 2007 await you.

10. Shaun Carney’s knee bends sideways.

Air Force 24, Cal 21. After some comebacking by Cal, Air Force drives down to the one in an attempt to make it a two score lead again in the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Things What Fly Und Kick Ass Bowl.. Positive vibes! Inspirational lighting! Cue the Jerry Goldsmith soundtrack! Carney had over a hundred yards rushing, a TD on the ground, and had passed for another as Air Force ran the modded-up flexbone all over Cal. Slo-mo camera, tension, Bruckheimer’s all over this and…

Air Force loses their flux capacitor when Carney exits, the defense gets shredded by Kevin Riley, and the upset ends with a Cal victory, 42-36. Life ain’t fair.

To be continued. Watch your back in the meantime…the wolf is always at the door…