The factual business is over at SN, but our official reaction to this point is: meh. Huizenga and Carroll in a hot tub, part deux.

Carroll to Atlanta gets a big ol’ gay MEH from Charles Nelson Reilly.

Eight moments from four days in New Orleans.

Watching the game with Ohio State fans was anti-fun from the start. I’ve never seen more joyless bunch of college football fans–this was an extension of work and a moment of extreme seriousness from start to finish, at least for the fans at Cafe Ernst. Tension seeped from their pores: whenever anyone the fans did not like appeared on screen, fifteen to twenty fans saluted the television with their middle finger and chants of “FUCK YOU (NAME GOES HERE).” I don’t want to say it looked precisely like the congressional scenes in Idiocracy, but it looked precisely like the congressional scenes in Idiocracy.

(We’re not making any of this up. Older OSU fans were quite nice, and we met nice younger ones, too, and even wrote earlier in the week about how pleasant OSU fans were as a whole…which still remains true. But when the game came on, the vibe turned poisonous, and only got worse as the game went on. They’re still the best road presence of any fans I’ve ever seen, but saying that watching the game with them was “fun” would be “a total fucking lie.”)

The opposite of fun: intensity and building anger at the Cafe Ernst.

The worst moment came when Craig Steltz injured his shoulder and left the game with an injury. Hands shot up with the index finger and middle finger bent into an oval shape not unlike the mouth of a vagina. Just to clarify, I asked what it meant, but didn’t even get to finish the question before the fan next to me stuck his finger through it phallically and confirmed that they were calling Steltz a pussy.

An Ohio State fan with a bullhorn shows up on Bourbon Street. He’s standing on the sidewalk with three other Buckeye fans, and is screaming at an LSU fan in a purple Les-ticles t-shirt with the thing at full volume. Making out anything in the roar is difficult: static static fag static static homo static static suck. Repeat this for three minutes and you have the mantra. (more…)

Awful Announcing has the Ohio State comeback rap, and with lines like “We got more fans than Lowe’s,” it’s essential listening. Jim Tressel: The Truth, The Answer, The Man.

Throwin’ some D’s on Cadillax: the following players are out in one way or another following the bowl season, either leaving for greener pastures or throwing hats into the NFL draft.

Pat Sims of Auburn is taking his bear-sized self to the NFL. As someone who watched Sims wreck Florida’s blocking schemes in person, he will be missed only by Auburn fans and aficionados of bear attacks.

Messrs. Manningham, Arrington, and Mallett are all leaving Michigan for the NFL. Arrington and Manningham are taking off for the NFL, while traditional, drop-back statue Mallett will be leaving the new spread-option offense of Rodriguez for another team where he won’t have to do nasty things like running the option.

Florida State LB Geno Hayes is taking his amazing tolerance for tasering and ability to incorrectly predict the outcome of rivalry games pro, and if there’s any justice in this world, he’ll end up a Bengal.

Posted from Cozumel, Mexico.

It’s an alcohol-iday, motherfuckers! WOOOOOOO! Shots on me. Literally. I’ve poured them all over myself. My speedo’s wet! Someone get me a new one or I’m sunning my buckeyes. And you ladies saw that yesterday.

Alcohol-iday! HT: Tressel’s World.

The last time I heard people scream like that, I was running through some back alley in Rio with a flamethrower. You know how long a cat can run after you set it totally the fuck on fire? Thirty-eight feet. I know that because I just whipped out the old twatstand and marked it off myself. Took three lengths, but that’s an exact measurement.

(Surriously: Jim Delany always travels with a flamethrower. You should have seen him at the Hotel Ipanema that afternoon. He was like Peter the Great on PCP. He scares me sometimes. He thinks Turistas is both a comedy and a documentary. His eyes are the dead eyes of a killer! Great dude.)

Jesus. Two years in a row I gotta come down here and rage just to put the beast to bed. (more…)