This post brought to you by Michael Richards, who’s really, really sorry.

So, if Bill Stewart really did use a racial slur that was one of the things that forced him to quit at VMI (along with his 8-25 record), then what was it? It couldn’t have been from the “black” outbox of racial slurs, since Sports By Brooks reports that Mike Tomlin, current Steelers coach, really liked him, and for our purposes we’ll assume Mike Tomlin is the spokesperson for the black race, along with Tavis Smiley and Mary J. Blige.

Hypotheticals:

Swedish: “Too warm out here for you Nordski? Nut up, Lindgren, you filthy herring-choker!”

Dutch: “Hey, Van Rinfelt, maybe you’d be more comfortable in wooden shoes, you dyke-jumper, you? You’d tackle harder if your mother wasn’t such a dicksuckinflog!”

Asian of any sort: “Wang! Yeah, you, Nuprin! Bring your powerpoint ass over here and explain to me what you were doing neglecting the A-gap, asswipe!”

Irish: “O’Connor! Sober up and get your bogtrotting pancake ass over here. A shant spudfucker like you should be used to fighting hard through blocks, like learning to read or using birth control!”

White trash: “Jenkins! A dirty golden toe ditchpig like you needs to realize that cover two means communication between you and the corner. What part of that don’t you understand, you pinewood moon cricket muppetfucker?”

This possibilities are endless, and can all be found at an exhaustive list of racial slurs here.