ODE TO OWEN SCHMITT
He droppped off his tape expecting nothing, not a scholarship offer or even attention. He walked on and finished as the starting fullback. He once bent three masks in a game against Maryland. He hang cleans 520 pounds. He wears a mohawk. He blocks like Hellboy tackling a demon from another dimension. He rugby punts for his team occasionally, and when he botched a kick against Louisville earlier this season he banged his own helmet against his forehead in frustration.
And last night, after lighting the powder keg for the Mountaineers, Owen Schmitt broke down and cried when Oompa-Loompa/sideline reporter Laura Okmin asked him how he felt about the game. Schmitt, bloody and mohawked, got about halfway through his answer before he wept. Okmin kept pestering him and nearly ruined the moment….nearly. This moment was as bulletproof and armored as Schmitt’s adamantine forehead.
Owen Schmitt, we love you and the double-steel reinforced skullhammer known as your head. We watch college football through a miasma of cynicism and snark, but some things burn those clouds off and expose college football for what it can be: mute, teary glory. Thank you for the sunshine and bent face-masks, Owen. We hope you get all the red meat, boobs, and cash you can handle out of this life.












25
Let’s not get too carried away. Schmitt played his high school ball in the DC ‘burbs.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/09/11/AR2007091102204.html
Comment by DevilGrad — January 3, 2008 @ 1:03 pm
24
My take is that West Virginia will not be invaded by Latinos or anyone else anytime soon….those people love their states and are real patriots…..probaly have their own militias in lieu of National Guards…..
I hope Mr. Schmitt has a pro career rather than a coal mining future like the rest of the role players
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 3, 2008 @ 12:51 pm
23
#12 - DG - Damn skippy! And then Kreider can retire and wait for his spot in the Hall.
Comment by Out of Conference — January 3, 2008 @ 12:42 pm
22
The redneck lady screaming whilst taping the video and at the end is more annoying than interviewbabe.
Comment by etsuVol — January 3, 2008 @ 12:14 pm
21
Let’s not be hasty and leave Jim “So Tony Dungy, how does this feel in light of your son killing himself?” Nantz and his interview of the Colts’ head coach right after the trophy presentation.
But that Fox dude sucks as well.
The Oompa Loompa from last night is a distant 3rd.
Comment by Joshua — January 3, 2008 @ 12:11 pm
20
Huzzah!
Comment by OhioDawg — January 3, 2008 @ 11:37 am
19
son of a…
Comment by kleph — January 3, 2008 @ 11:34 am
18
After last night, he and his various paramours can flatten every haystack in Monongalia County.
Comment by DevilGrad — January 3, 2008 @ 11:30 am
17
I don’t think Owen needs to be “hooked up”. I see him more caveman-like when he grabs his women by the hair and takes them when he wants.
Comment by Last Dragon — January 3, 2008 @ 11:27 am
16
Okmin didn’t come nearly as close to blowing it as Chris Meyers did with the marriage proposal last year. Still the gold standard for horrible sideline reporting.
Comment by Troy — January 3, 2008 @ 11:10 am
15
…red meat, boobs, and cash…
No mention of booze? Aww hell, 3 of 4 ain’t that bad I guess.
Comment by Aerobab — January 3, 2008 @ 11:03 am
14
His nickname is “runaway beer truck”.
Comment by maxwell — January 3, 2008 @ 10:59 am
13
Schmitt shouldn’t have to wait to die and go to Paradise before getting his 72 virgins. Somebody hook this guy up now.
Comment by Doug — January 3, 2008 @ 10:54 am
12
In a karmicly-balanced world, that guy suits up for the Steelers next fall.
Comment by DevilGrad — January 3, 2008 @ 10:54 am
11
Okmin takes it in the ass for good coke.
Somehow “Schmitt-faced” needs to be added to the lexicon.
Comment by Allahver Fist — January 3, 2008 @ 10:53 am
10
Gotta give it to Fox for squandering Television gold in a way that might surpass JP/LF. First they ruined Johnson’s marriage proposal on national tv. Now they had to interrupt this guy just as he is losing his shit. Amazing.
Comment by BurritoBrosShits — January 3, 2008 @ 10:52 am
9
Wenches! Bring me your finest meats and cheeses!
Comment by drogue — January 3, 2008 @ 10:44 am
8
Yeah - Okmin was spectacularly awkward when she threw in her “what?” when he was pausing, clearly trying to gather himself.
I could have done without her amazingly uninsightful reporting, and also listening Pat Haden and Terry Donahue giving each other hand shandys under the desk while Matt Vasgersian tried to act like nothing was going on.
Kudos to Mr. Schmitt - never before has a man with what appears to be both a cleft palate and herpes afflicting his lips had a better shot of winning the Thighsman Trophy.
Comment by Eric — January 3, 2008 @ 10:42 am
7
Great video. Great moment….but that annoying bitch almost ruined it. She should go back to reporting the weather….
Comment by roaminggator — January 3, 2008 @ 10:41 am
6
Wow, that video just gets better and better the longer it goes.
Can’t see Atlanta Falcons or Miami Dolphins fans making something like that.
Comment by flahute — January 3, 2008 @ 10:40 am
5
No mention of him curing cancer? Shame on you Orson, Shame on you.
Comment by NewAZTiger — January 3, 2008 @ 10:40 am
4
Was anybody else hoping he’d drop a West F’ing Virginia during the interview?
Comment by Port City Gangsta — January 3, 2008 @ 10:35 am
3
That, ladies and gentlemen, is why fucking college football kicks ass.
Comment by BurritoBrosShits — January 3, 2008 @ 10:31 am
2
100 tankards of mead served by valkyries in Valhalla to Mr. Schmitt.
Comment by Chips O'Toole — January 3, 2008 @ 10:31 am
1
Well put, my friend.
Comment by EchoWhiskey — January 3, 2008 @ 10:30 am