Pro-Kansas ad: waves of grain in the background. Swelling Aaron Copland chords.

What is the problem with Kansas? Nothing at all, we think.

Kansas learned about hard work the hard way in his upbringing in the heartland, struggling from the bottom of the Big 12 all the way up to Harvard Law. Kansas, while possessing the sixth-ranked rushing defense in the nation, became the youngest attorney general in the history of the state, a position he used to punish BAD PEOPLE like drug dealers, pedophiles, and opposing quarterbacks, thus making his state SAFER for good, family-values quarterbacks like Todd Reesing.

Kansas believes in protecting its borders, which explains why Todd Reesing has suffered only a modest 20 sacks this year and thus protected his handsome golden locks. Kansas also believes in controlling its own destiny, forcefully imposing their vision of football freedom on opponents with fullback in tailback’s clothes Brandon McAnderson, and protect the health of their second ranked national scoring offense with a superb linebacking corps on defense and All Big 12 James McClinton on the defensive line.

Kansas : SAFER NOT LIKE TERRORISTS OR THE GAYS AND EVOLUTION. Or worse still, A HALF-FISH, HALF GAY MUSLIM CRAWLING FROM THE WATER WITH A UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE IN HIS HAND AND WEARING DYNAMITE.

Instead of asking what’s wrong with 11-1 Kansas…maybe you should be asking yourself…what’s Virginia Tech hiding behind, HMMMMM? They can’t protect themselves against Tigers–what would they do against Osama Bin Laden, hmmmmm?

Vote SAFER. Vote Kansas.

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Loves Freedom, Babies, Free Markets, and Velour Track Suits: Kansas.