The Fiesta Bowl could be great pain perdu, the reclaimed scraps of stale seasons revived in a bowl game for both Oklahoma and West Virginia, but we doubt it, especially for West Virginia, who comes in with an interim coach, an offense that’s been less than jet tempo awesome this year, and an Oklahoma team that probably does not want to lose their fourth BCS bowl game in a row.

Thom Brennaman’s not calling the game, and until Oklahoma’s lines start crushing the ‘Eers in the third and fourth quarter, it promises to be competitive. Yet in most every tight game West Virginia’s played, Pat White’s had to improvise, carry the load, and stretch things out until something snaps. In two cases, that thing has been White, who took a beating in the Pitt and USF losses when his freelancing opened up free pummeling lanes for defenses to zero in on him.

So as the Sooners probably get to snap the BCS bowl streak. Before we let them pass into the sweet and lately unfamiliar BCS win Valhalla, let’s review the painful past to savor the potentially tasty present.

2007: Fiesta

2005: Orange (more…)

We review our email over at the Sporting News and discover that having a Spencer Hall attitude is not a good thing, especially when you tangle with the media monster that is Shreveport, Louisiana. We beg to differ, especially since we’re not voting for Hillary, but supporting our usual candidate for every public office: Big Red.

June Jones has 72 hours to consider an offer from SMU for their head coaching job. He could leave now and Colt Brennan wouldn’t hear a thing, mostly because he’s still too concussed to piss straight. His coach leaving the state would take a week or two to make sense to him at this point. We’re mentioning this again not because we dislike Brennan, but to reiterate that Brennan took an unholy beating last night of the kind you usually only see in Russian soccer riots.( Listen closely, and you will hear Georgia defenders screaming “SPARTAK!!!” on their way into Colt Brennan’s fractured body.)

Why Jones would leave heaven to go to SMU baffles us, though the $50,000 recruiting budget might have something to do with it. Hawaii, BCS beating aside, has tons of intangibles for a coach: the lifestyle, the weather, the modest but easy recruiting (”Hey! Wanna play here, or go to hell and gone over on the mainland for four years?”), and the ability to run wacky run ‘n shoot offenses with little critical scrutiny. It’s the perfect biome for an odd species like Jones, who even with a 1.5 to 1.7 million dollar offer on the table has to consider what he move would entail losing: a job that will likely never fire him to retirement.

They don’t let you wear Hawaiian shirts on the job in Texas. Just a hint.

HT: Dave W.

Thom Brennaman: And they’re off the boats. Welcome to D-Day.

My that’s some bombardment there. There’s men firing guns, and some other men firing guns. And there’s a beach, and boats, and men coming out of the boats.

Please watch Prison Break, the most exciting show on Fox. It’s really exciting.

D-Day, brought to you only as Fox can!

The Americans seem to be laying down here. Yes, they’re laying down. Some of the men aren’t moving. This is because they’ve been shot by the Germans. They Germans are firing guns at the Americans.

Charles Davis: Wow! Bang!

Thom Brennaman: And now there’s a mortar being fired. The shell goes into the mortar, and at that point it flies out of the mortar. It goes into a crowd of people. Wow, they don’t look. Happy.

And here’s a tank. It’s a big thing with a lot of metal on it and people don’t seem to be very happy with it.

Charles Davis: No they don’t, Thom! That tank is tanky!

Thom Brennaman: More shooting. There’s screaming, and man that guy can scream. He’s screaming because he’s shot. You’re looking live at D-Day, brought to you by Fox.

Charles Davis: Exploding is explosive, Thom.

Thom Brennaman: Yes, it is. I don’t condone any of this, because it is bad.

Charles Davis: Yes it is.

Thom Brennaman: Yes, bad is bad. And good things are good.

Charles Davis. Yes.

Thom: Yes. There’s a lot of men shooting here. Wouldn’t you agree, Charles?

Charles: …

Thom: Charles?

Charles: Sorry, your voice is so lulling. Even with all the gunfire, you put me to sleep like a fistful of fucking vicodin, Thom

Thom: Yes. Gunfire. Vicodin. Back after this commercial break.

D-Day is brought to you by Fox,

We haven’t done LOLCFB in a while–what better time than now that there’s actual stuff to write about, and we could be posting silly pictures instead? YAY silly pictures.

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The random things we can’t quite put anywhere else always get put into the stew of the Grotto. This is the New Year’s Day edition, performed without the assistance of a 4′8″ personal assistant or pet unicorn.

Suck it, Tedford!

Of course Pete Carroll has his own little person. This conversation happened last night between Cuddles Swindle and ourselves:

OS: Pete Carroll’s is Owen Wilson from “Meet The Parents.” He built a gazebo just for this occasion.

Cuddles: He’s not human.

Nothing will surprise us about Pete Carroll. Nothing. Not a miniature personal assistant, not a unicorn, not finding out that he’s on the phone with Terelle Pryor trying to snake him away from Michigan and succeeding while putting the finishing touches on his part of Project 2050. Nothing.

Mike Patrick had a very, very bad Capital One Bowl, presumably distracted by the excitement of Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy and the video recaps of Todd Blackledge’s “Todd on the Town” or whatever the hell it’s called. We know you’ve gained ten pounds this season because you’ve been mooing on about it like a sorority girl over winter break (Sweatshirts, Mike! They’re magical!), but that wasn’t an reverse, Mike–it was an end around. And the coverages, and the routes, and sometimes even the basic facts of the game escaped him. He may be blameless: the glare of Florida’s blazing secondary was bright enough to obscure what was actually happening on the field, so luminous was the fire.

We also don’t care what Todd Blackledge eats as long as it’s food. Next season, test Todd by having him eat non-food objects, and we’ll get excited. Thumbtacks with pepper gravy! Mmmm, Mike, that’s some eating. A whole pipe wrench covered in batter! Your broadcast partner, or even Holly Rowe! Long pig never made for such great entertainment, but the food of the gods would certainly double the ratings on our end, Todd. And if Blackledge can eat a West Virginia pepperoni roll without his flatulence stripping the skin off Mike Patrick in the booth, a whole wrench would be tapioca for that gastrointestinal highway.

When I was a little girl, I asked my mother……if I would play a commercial that somehow managed to show a bunch of computers getting a wrecking ball that somehow missed being cool, but managed to annoy the devil’s bees out of me over a ten hour day of watching football? And she said yes, it would happen, and it would suck and feature an iMac knockoff, and it would be played all day on January 1st, 2008. But mother, will it not feature a right-click button and require three restarts a day?

Colt Brennan, if still alive today, should read his own blog for the funniest blog comment of the day anywhere, posted by Don Ho from hell.

DON HO // January 1, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Mele Kalikimaka, thanks ALOT for that performance 41-10!!! I just got kicked out out of heaven for that performance! I don’t even like football!!!! Owwww It’s hot down here!!!! Everybody hates The Hukilau and Tiny Bubbles THANKS A LOT COLT

Decimation would be a gentle word for what happened to Hawaii, (more…)