10:31: Sean McDonough is joking about using his golf voice for those of us who might have been “overzealous” last night. Between this and Chris Spielman’s befuddled look and greenish skin, we’re already pleased with the way the broadcast has started.

And Auburn is the most intimidating, tough, and well-coached shitty team ever. If you’re going to beat them, beat them by thirty, not three–they do not lose close games. It’s against several potentially unConstitutional local laws in the Opelika area. Kodi Burns bailed out Auburn in overtime with a run out of their month old spread attack, because let’s face it Auburn doesn’t even really need an offense. Once they went up 3-0, Tuberville goes into shutdown mode and lets monsters like Pat Sims loose for the rest of the gameplan.

Oh, and [NAME REDACTED] just told a player to “stand around fast.”

10:55 a.m.: Corso picks Hawaii.

11:06: Heath Shuler introduces the Tennessee lineup, meaning that not only is Tennessee without key players, they’re also in favor of LETTING GAY TERRORISTS RUN THIS COUNTRY.

11:27: Tennessee scores on a Tebow smash play. “That offense’ll never work in the ESS-EEE-SEE!” Those who would still like to say this may go back to taping this game on Betamax.

11:35: Donovan runs in a TD for Wisconsin and gets a faceful of Eric Berry’s shoulder on the way in, because it is a physical law that if you touch the ball for the other team, Eric Berry gets to cause you harm. Rob Stone reports that as a possibly concussed Donovan is being looked at by Badgers medical staff, players were calling the hit “tasteless.”

Heavens! They don’t even stop for tea and crumpies in the third quarter!

11:45: They’re letting the AT&T Chairman toss the coin at the Cotton Bowl. If he’s true to AT&T form, it will be dropped, and then he will pocket the coin and charge both teams for a new one.

11:52: Casey Dick’s passes float like the slow ball Bugs Bunny used to strike out the New York Giants. It hangs up there so long they should sell advertising on it. And for some odd reason, we’ve heard the piano key Windows error message noise on the Fox broadcast three times in the past minute. Arkansas driving methodically on a permissive Missouri D.

12:05 p.m.: Tennessee’s innovative “Maim Tyler Donovan” defensive gameplan seems to be working beautifully. They’ve already opened up a cut on his non-throwing hand and possibly concussed him, as well. Holly points out that on the Ainge TD throw, Tennessee likely could have had a TD on the draw, too: Wisconsin’s defense is getting clumpy and neglecting their spacing.

12:14 p.m.: Tyler Donovan completes a year’s worth of injuries by planting quite possibly the most awkward qb slide evah into the Outback Bowl turf, stutter-stepping, and then doing something very, very nasty to his knee as it bent backward beneath him. At this point Rob Stone is twirling the rosary through his hands and addressing the lord in rapid Spanish for Donovan’s health.

12:24 p.m. : Tyler Donovan is back. He’s gaining strength from the power of his mother’s profanity, caught at least three times on air thus far.

12:33: Keep cussin’, ma: Donovan throws a TD to put Wisconsin back within a score in the Outback. We’re haunted by the sight of Bucky the Badger at the head of a corporate meeting table. He looked powerful and malevolent in the Wisconsin commercial, like the leader of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Note to CEOs: when you have to start cutting heads, do it wearing a mascot outfit. It’ll be like Donnie Darko” They’ll obey without questioning.