OPEN THREAD: COTTON BOWL, FIRST SHIFT
by Orson on Jan 1, 2008 10:47 AM EST
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Print10:31: Sean McDonough is joking about using his golf voice for those of us who might have been "overzealous" last night. Between this and Chris Spielman's befuddled look and greenish skin, we're already pleased with the way the broadcast has started.
And Auburn is the most intimidating, tough, and well-coached shitty team ever. If you're going to beat them, beat them by thirty, not three--they do not lose close games. It's against several potentially unConstitutional local laws in the Opelika area. Kodi Burns bailed out Auburn in overtime with a run out of their month old spread attack, because let's face it Auburn doesn't even really need an offense. Once they went up 3-0, Tuberville goes into shutdown mode and lets monsters like Pat Sims loose for the rest of the gameplan.
Oh, and [NAME REDACTED] just told a player to "stand around fast."
10:55 a.m.: Corso picks Hawaii.
11:06: Heath Shuler introduces the Tennessee lineup, meaning that not only is Tennessee without key players, they're also in favor of LETTING GAY TERRORISTS RUN THIS COUNTRY.
11:27: Tennessee scores on a Tebow smash play. "That offense'll never work in the ESS-EEE-SEE!" Those who would still like to say this may go back to taping this game on Betamax.
11:35: Donovan runs in a TD for Wisconsin and gets a faceful of Eric Berry's shoulder on the way in, because it is a physical law that if you touch the ball for the other team, Eric Berry gets to cause you harm. Rob Stone reports that as a possibly concussed Donovan is being looked at by Badgers medical staff, players were calling the hit "tasteless."
Heavens! They don't even stop for tea and crumpies in the third quarter!
11:45: They're letting the AT&T Chairman toss the coin at the Cotton Bowl. If he's true to AT&T form, it will be dropped, and then he will pocket the coin and charge both teams for a new one.
11:52: Casey Dick's passes float like the slow ball Bugs Bunny used to strike out the New York Giants. It hangs up there so long they should sell advertising on it. And for some odd reason, we've heard the piano key Windows error message noise on the Fox broadcast three times in the past minute. Arkansas driving methodically on a permissive Missouri D.
12:05 p.m.: Tennessee's innovative "Maim Tyler Donovan" defensive gameplan seems to be working beautifully. They've already opened up a cut on his non-throwing hand and possibly concussed him, as well. Holly points out that on the Ainge TD throw, Tennessee likely could have had a TD on the draw, too: Wisconsin's defense is getting clumpy and neglecting their spacing.
12:14 p.m.: Tyler Donovan completes a year's worth of injuries by planting quite possibly the most awkward qb slide evah into the Outback Bowl turf, stutter-stepping, and then doing something very, very nasty to his knee as it bent backward beneath him. At this point Rob Stone is twirling the rosary through his hands and addressing the lord in rapid Spanish for Donovan's health.
12:24 p.m. : Tyler Donovan is back. He's gaining strength from the power of his mother's profanity, caught at least three times on air thus far.
12:33: Keep cussin', ma: Donovan throws a TD to put Wisconsin back within a score in the Outback. We're haunted by the sight of Bucky the Badger at the head of a corporate meeting table. He looked powerful and malevolent in the Wisconsin commercial, like the leader of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Note to CEOs: when you have to start cutting heads, do it wearing a mascot outfit. It'll be like Donnie Darko" They'll obey without questioning.
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apparently chop blocks still aren’t illegal in Opelika.
by baconboy on Jan 1, 2008 10:55 AM EST reply actions
Im going to send this to TBS to find out if it’s funny
http://a367.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/50/l_97e8107249a00b31841b6f0d4886fd2e.jpg
by SpookyJuice on Jan 1, 2008 11:07 AM EST reply actions
Don’t confuse Aubarn grads, fans & students by asking them to spell Opelika. They’re more confortable with Opp.
by yoyofutbawl on Jan 1, 2008 11:08 AM EST reply actions
Happy New Years to all…This is a glorious day of Football, indeed.
by Brian on Jan 1, 2008 11:11 AM EST reply actions
OK…boys and girls..here we go…Just made a 64 oz screwdriver….
I put so much vodka in it, it looks more like the Wisconsin uniforms than the Vols….
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 11:12 AM EST reply actions
blasphemy. bloody marys are de rigueur at this portion of the day you uncivilized heathen.
by kleph on Jan 1, 2008 11:17 AM EST reply actions
Does anyone know if Pam Ward chose to do the Rose Bowl or the National Championship game?
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 11:17 AM EST reply actions
Ooh, you gotta watch out for the gay terrorists the most, what with their suicide bombers packed with streamers and glitter.
by Ground0EastLansing on Jan 1, 2008 11:20 AM EST reply actions
I feel the same as Donovan after last night.
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 11:29 AM EST reply actions
Congressman Shuler finds himself in a rather precarious political position being forced to vote against the Journal so as to be able to give his consituents assurances respecting the frequency of his disagreements with Speaker Pelosi.
by marcillac on Jan 1, 2008 11:30 AM EST reply actions
Actually, Auburn and Clemson are really the same school. Think about it.
Also, if the Auburn OL is going to keep this sh!t up, then I think opposing DLs should be able to carry shivs and cut up Pugh and his cronies in the piles.
by fotodog on Jan 1, 2008 11:33 AM EST reply actions
Annapolis,
No amount of alcohol of whatever quality could alleviate the pain of having to listen to Pam Word broadcast a quality game.
by marcillac on Jan 1, 2008 11:33 AM EST reply actions
Sideline reporter on FOX looks as hungover as any human I’ve seen on TV since Laura Baugh (look it up).
Not the Jeanie skank but the other one. Blonde and reeking of bourbon.
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 11:36 AM EST reply actions
OK….crime solved…Pat Sumerall is doing the FOX game…the blonde was in his suite at the Dallas Hyatt until 5:30 AM this morning.
PS- a ton of late money on Arkansas
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 11:39 AM EST reply actions
Nice move by Fat Phil there. I guess with the offense clicking nicely he felt it necessary to bring out the crotch grab hand off gadget play.
by go SEC on Jan 1, 2008 11:40 AM EST reply actions
Today’s winners:
Tennessee
UF
Arkansas
Pirates
Pete Carroll
Dawgs
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 11:40 AM EST reply actions
I hear the cucumber sandwiches in Knoxville are superb
by marcillac on Jan 1, 2008 11:41 AM EST reply actions
does anyone know if the motorcycle guy made it last night or wiped out? Come on Vols….cannot be beat by any stinkin’ badgers….
by jamiedawg on Jan 1, 2008 11:43 AM EST reply actions
http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/videopage?videoId=3175684&categoryId=2378529
watch the motorcycle guy die!
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 11:45 AM EST reply actions
Arkansas 7 Mizzou 0…..guess bookies are smart
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 11:50 AM EST reply actions
Auburn — that ‘shitty team’ — had three conference losses.
Just like that UF team — with an overrated quarterback who cries like a cunt when he chokes and loses a game — had three conference losses.
In fact, Auburn beat an overrated UF team with an overrated quarterback. A quarterback who cries like a cunt when he loses.
by gurn on Jan 1, 2008 11:53 AM EST reply actions
Gurn’s had his coffee, along with conveniently forgetting that they lost to USF.
And that’s “Heisman-winning cunt” to you, sir.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 1, 2008 11:56 AM EST reply actions
OK, good. That Windows error note was coming from my TV…was fearing for my computer’s life for a second.
by Signal to Noise on Jan 1, 2008 11:57 AM EST reply actions
Reggie Herring looks like the High Talker from Seinfeld.
And Gurn, c’mon buddy, it’s not even noon on New Year’s day.
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 11:57 AM EST reply actions
S2N
When you cover 75% of the TV screen with unnecessary graphics, you’re bound to have an error or two.
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 11:59 AM EST reply actions
Nice beaver.
Thanks I just had it stuffed.
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 12:01 PM EST reply actions
PW @ 30: true.
I watched the South Park movie after celebrating this morning, and when I heard the error key minutes ago, I kept thinking that someone in the Fox truck would like to do to Bill Gates what the general did while trying to outline “Operation Get Behind The Darkies.”
by Signal to Noise on Jan 1, 2008 12:02 PM EST reply actions
Great- Cotton Bowl has ACC refs – the “Let’s not be original and copy the ‘givin ’em the business’ guy.”
by mambajack on Jan 1, 2008 12:02 PM EST reply actions
Ahhhh….I LOVE the smell of hatred in the morning!
by Aerobab on Jan 1, 2008 12:05 PM EST reply actions
Laura Baugh, from WIkipedia
Despite her successful start and prodigious talent, alcoholism, bulimia, and emotional problems would take over her life and she would never win an LPGA tournament. Her drinking caused spontaneous bleeding that could have ended her life
by UCLA Mob on Jan 1, 2008 12:05 PM EST reply actions
Was that a Windows error or Pat Summerall’s life-support system rebooting?
by Dinknflicka on Jan 1, 2008 12:06 PM EST reply actions
Annapolis Doug +1
And Vegas now has 3:1 odds that Donovan doesn’t make it to the 4th quarter.
by fotodog on Jan 1, 2008 12:06 PM EST reply actions
Bubba narrarating a “story of character” – love it
by marcillac on Jan 1, 2008 12:07 PM EST reply actions
Baugh has been married four times and has seven children.
She’s like a reverse Travis Henry.
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 12:07 PM EST reply actions
- 36 I though that was the Med Alert informing Summerall that they’d found him another liver donor
by UCLA Mob on Jan 1, 2008 12:07 PM EST reply actions
Fotodog,
Donovan is taking a beating..so is Dick (Arkansas QB)
Laura Baugh did a LPGA event as an announcer and ESPN cut her microphone because she was ‘Preakness Drunk’ on air….
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 12:10 PM EST reply actions
The Revez family are but mere vassals to the Colquits
by marcillac on Jan 1, 2008 12:11 PM EST reply actions
Is Wisconsin good enough for me to hate them? I mean, I have a general dislike for the entire Big 10, but I only truly hate OSU and Michigan.
and holy shit, that would’ve cost Mayo 25K in the NFL.
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 12:11 PM EST reply actions
“Oh my god! My son is hurt!!!!” Oh..I’m on TV? HEY EVERYONE BACK IN OSWASH!
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 12:12 PM EST reply actions
Sign me up for the stuffed possum Capital One card.
by Dinknflicka on Jan 1, 2008 12:14 PM EST reply actions
Peerless Price scored the final TD in the first BCS Championship game. The first was prolly Tee Martin.
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 12:18 PM EST reply actions
Um, Swindle,
Now that you are an important and influential member of the media could you do something about the quality of the Fox CF brodacasts(ers)?
TD MU
by marcillac on Jan 1, 2008 12:19 PM EST reply actions
I think his parents were the couple behind the yokels on the cell phones.
by fotodog on Jan 1, 2008 12:19 PM EST reply actions
and I was wrong about Peerless Price too. Apparently FSU scored after that one. I’m gonna quit posting now.
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 12:21 PM EST reply actions
Laura Baugh aint got nothing on the late Ike Turner. From Wikipedia:
“Turner is said to have been married 14 times but he has only been known to have married four times publicly”
“In his 2001 autobiography Ike admitted, “Sure, I’ve slapped Tina… There have been times when I punched her to the ground without thinking. But I never beat her.”
by UCLA Mob on Jan 1, 2008 12:24 PM EST reply actions
That offense will never work in the SEC without a human/tank hybrid under center.
by Chg on Jan 1, 2008 12:26 PM EST reply actions
As some of you know, I’m down $21,047 to Caribsports.com …so here’s my 10 star, get even for the year pick:
USC 45 Illinois 17
Last year, my Florida straight up over OSU selection kept the Carribean version of Vincent Vega from knocking on my door.
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 12:26 PM EST reply actions
Tyler Donovan, “It’s just a flesh wound. I’m alright. Fight me you pansy.”
by fotodog on Jan 1, 2008 12:27 PM EST reply actions
WTH were the pigs thinking? hahaa! Prolly not a good idea to do a run-through on the trickeration.
by bitterhorn on Jan 1, 2008 12:29 PM EST reply actions
I wish I could get a split screen so as not to miss a second of Mr. and Mrs. Donavan.
by Etch Westgrin on Jan 1, 2008 12:33 PM EST reply actions
With the SEC’s 5-1 early pace (including surprising fiestiness from Arkansas) and the general MACness of the Big Ten’s bowl season to date, it is too late for South Carolina to replace Illinois in the Rose Bowl?
by Chg on Jan 1, 2008 12:34 PM EST reply actions
Robert Smith has to be the worst person ever to appear on TV….didn’t he threaten to quit at OSU because a coach was too tough on him?
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 12:38 PM EST reply actions
Did I miss something? I thought the SEC was 4-0? Did we lose a game? I need to get some coffee or something…my head is all fuzzy.
by jamiedawg on Jan 1, 2008 12:40 PM EST reply actions
Moment of Truth question …(the show that uses a lie detector)
Have you ever put your weiner in a toilet paper cardboard center?
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 12:46 PM EST reply actions
Don’t need a split screen, just watch the UT/UW game on your computer and the Cotton Bowl on tv.
by baconboy on Jan 1, 2008 12:46 PM EST reply actions
#58…SEC is 4-0, for at least the next couple of hours. Unless you’re some kind of psychic or something that I don’t know about.
by Aerobab on Jan 1, 2008 12:51 PM EST reply actions
I gotta say, the Big 12 Cake/cooking commerical is STUPID…..
by jamiedawg on Jan 1, 2008 12:53 PM EST reply actions
yes…rhetorical…you know no one would ever do something that….ever
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 12:53 PM EST reply actions
Sure, go to http://myp2p.eu and click on live sports. The Tennessee game is on mediaplayer, so you don’t even need to download any extra software. It’s also great for watching soccer.
by baconboy on Jan 1, 2008 12:54 PM EST reply actions
Check out Dana Jacobsen on ABC now…Whose more hung…her or Pam Ward?
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 12:56 PM EST reply actions
ItÂ’s also great for watching soccer.
So it makes otherwise mind-numbingly boring pseudo sports bearable?
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 12:56 PM EST reply actions
just kidding. soccer’s not that bad.
and I suck at italics.
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 12:57 PM EST reply actions
pw—thank you for clarifying the word “pace”….that makes total sense…especially as I am watching Arkansas fucking it up with Missouri…what happened to D-mac and that wood?
by jamiedawg on Jan 1, 2008 12:58 PM EST reply actions
Well, fuck me.
I want to hate Tennessee, but Holly makes that difficult.
by RabidBadger on Jan 1, 2008 1:00 PM EST reply actions
Michigan and Gators fighting pre-game?
Oh goodie!
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 1:01 PM EST reply actions
Did ABC show Michigan take the field then switch to the studio show and not show the Gators?
Even CBS wouldn’t do that to Michigan.
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 1:05 PM EST reply actions
nice that our best offensive player has 0 touches so far. I swear I coach a better game of football with my 3 cats.
by RabidBadger on Jan 1, 2008 1:06 PM EST reply actions
Fuck, my team’s playing on ABC, but the Cosby Show Christmas special is on the CW.
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 1:09 PM EST reply actions
Is Arkansas playing with their JV squad? They look so slow trying to catch Mizzou’s RB, I think the Big Ten is going to petition to add them to the league.
by fotodog on Jan 1, 2008 1:13 PM EST reply actions
Uh Orson, The Auburn War Eagle/Chop Blockers do indeed lose tight games. Hell, you can spot them a lead and let them take out your best player and you can still beat them.
by LSUJoshua on Jan 1, 2008 1:18 PM EST reply actions
Did FLA bring their JV squad? what the hell is going on?
by jamiedawg on Jan 1, 2008 1:21 PM EST reply actions
Florida caught with their pants around their ankles as Michigan comes out in the spread and races down the field.
by fotodog on Jan 1, 2008 1:21 PM EST reply actions
Florida QB has been on the Hesiman circuit and there’s been a long delay between games….oh?
That excuse has already been used.
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 1:25 PM EST reply actions
“Florida caught with their pants around their ankles as Michigan comes out in the spread and races down the field.”
Excuse me, that should read “their JORTS around their ankles.”
by fotodog on Jan 1, 2008 1:26 PM EST reply actions
Outdoor hockey is pretty cool on NBC…for a second
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 1:28 PM EST reply actions
Gary – the whole damn UM staff has guaranteed money for next year. Give it a rest.
by Ed on Jan 1, 2008 1:34 PM EST reply actions
What the hell is Danielsen talking about? Even if they’re fired they get paid. Shut the hell up gary.
by bitterhorn on Jan 1, 2008 1:36 PM EST reply actions
Danielson works for CBS. I’m pretty sure that’s Todd Blackledge who is talking out his ass — like the rest of us.
by baconboy on Jan 1, 2008 1:40 PM EST reply actions
baconboy,
You are right, it is Mike Patrick and Todd Blackledge, but hating on Danielson is still allowed.
by fotodog on Jan 1, 2008 1:45 PM EST reply actions
Just don’t hate on Verne Lundquist or Orson will probably have your head.
by baconboy on Jan 1, 2008 1:45 PM EST reply actions
I gotta feeling the SEC is about to drop 2. Arkansas seems hapless against Mizzou and Tenn has done nothing this half, meanwhile Wisc is getting their running game on track and wearing down the Vol defense.
by fotodog on Jan 1, 2008 1:49 PM EST reply actions
Two TD passes on one drive? There is your Heisman Trophy winner, folks.
by Ed on Jan 1, 2008 1:50 PM EST reply actions
Your basement or your mom’s?
Sorry, couldn’t resist….
by baconboy on Jan 1, 2008 1:55 PM EST reply actions
This might explain my screen name: http://gratefulpalate.com/?p=Category_12
by baconboy on Jan 1, 2008 2:06 PM EST reply actions
Gutsy call by the Badgers…..give coach credit
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 2:06 PM EST reply actions
Give it to Wisc so they can’t bitch about “what might’ve been” after they lose.
by PW on Jan 1, 2008 2:13 PM EST reply actions
Typical UT moron speed player. If he just gives himself up and falls inbounds after the first down, we don’t have this ridiculous review.
It is clearly UT’s ball. The UW guy never had control inbounds. Not even close.
by Ed on Jan 1, 2008 2:16 PM EST reply actions
Time for Wisconsin fans to pour over the stats and look for an excuse to justify how they technically won the game, much like the SEC fans did last year when Wisconsin beat Arkansas and Penn State beat Tennessee.
by bnb614 on Jan 1, 2008 3:02 PM EST reply actions
Arkansas has been getting their ass beat since i woke up today….Is there a mercy rule?
by Annapolis Doug on Jan 1, 2008 3:10 PM EST reply actions
63 Late with the response, but I was counting a Tennessee win and Arkansas loss in that 5-1. If those games were completed, it would’ve been a 5-1 record rather than “pace.”
Words are fun.
by Chg on Jan 1, 2008 7:20 PM EST reply actions
Also, Arkansas drew the short straw in facing a Missouri team clearly ticked to be gypped out of the BCS.
Curious to see if Kansas would’ve blasted them as severely. I doubt it, but we’ll never know.
by Chg on Jan 1, 2008 7:22 PM EST reply actions
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